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I feel like I'm losing myself and my mind, more and more

Just let me be numb. I want this to be over. The darnkness can win again, I'm tired and done with this life. 

 


How can I non-chalantly post quotes to you if you never come on anymore?!



You lied just like everyone else, and now I'm left trying to figure out if I bother fixing it and picking up the pieces like I always do.

I'm never enough, and I'm always second best. Just once, I'd like someone to fight for me and do what's best for me, but I guess that's too much, hey? 

 


i'm the typical high strung type. only thing not straight as an axe about me is my posture. always slumped over a desk working. always have to be doing something. i always need to be distracting myself. i think i got all my gaming 'wiggles' out too early. all i did when i was younger was play computer games. now when i want to relax i just bindge watch and eat. even then i can't completely zone out. i struggle with staying focussed in the moment. at times like that i turn to you. the best distraction; the expert at keeping me present in the moment. when i meet your eyes, you take me there.



t  e  .



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The hardest part of a break up is knowing everything that I've learned to change will just be for the next relationship and not who it was intended for.
i feel like my whole life i have been running forward without looking back. at some point a few years ago i slowed down and just stopped. i slowly started walking again but i can never get to that momentum back again. i want to find that place again. blind faith keeping me charging forward. i don't want to question anything anymore. i want the bliss of not knowing anything else. i want to put the blinders back on.
i was told onece at my friends funeral to throw myself on her cofin and yell WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

あなたよりも一人だけ気分が悪くなることができます。 昔からのあなたです。
My memories are being reshuffled, all that's left is grey. Was it a good childhood, were they good friendships? Did I enjoy the life I lived? At the time, was I happy? Content at least? Surely I was happy at some point. I can't have lived my whole life without colour. But when I look back...I keep looking back. All that's left is grey. Small flashes that I thought I could forget by now, some are revisited as I try to rest. They resurface and before I can wish it away a tear has already sunken into my pillow. Makes me wonder if everyone lives like this. If my tears were always this salty. If I was just supposed to keep living like this. I keep telling myself one day at a time. One of these days it'll get better. Each day breaks me in a new way, but it just has to get better. God is fair. If it wasn't for that then I couldn't breathe let alone sigh a minute longer.
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