AhoyMattie

Status:
Joined: October 8, 2013
Last Seen: 4 years
user id: 372981
Gender: M

Hi!

Mattie

20 years old

Genderfluid

I'm dealing with a lot of disorders

BPD, Disordered Eating, Depression, Anxiety, Social Anxiety + many more

I tend to be very distant and take a break now and then


Dealing with being a drop out, getting kicked out and been living in an abusive home

Still figuring out who I really am

I'm a terrible person honestly and usually very depressed

I usually vent about silly things or just straight up awful things

I'm not good at helping people, but I'd love help if you want too

I try to be positive every now and then, but end up failing

I hate my face, body, and everything about me

I don't take compliments very easily so sorry If I offended you by denying it

I try to be a people person every now and then

But please leave comments if you want!

I don't mind






 

Quotes by AhoyMattie

My breathing is getting heavier and my heart beats as if I'm running

Thinking about you

Causes this

 
Every night
Always the last thing on your mind.
I was never a worry in your life.
Until now.
I used to call you my snowflake.
you're on the phone 
with someone who doesn't know 
about your soul and how it 
can't be held by flesh and bone 
and i guess that's fine 
i would never want you to 
stop your life 

but when i saw you both 
with your shoulders touching 
sitting so close 


i knew i'd hold on to this feeling 
i'd hold on to anything at all 
was it my fault 
because i easily confused you 
for someone who would hold my hand 

when things got hard 
when things got dark 
because oh my god 
when they get dark 
they get so dark 


you were always a bad friend 
and you would leave when i got sick 
you never called me on my birthday 
i want to call you on your birthday 

so i'll hold on to this feeling 
i'll hold on to this hate 
for as long as i need 
for it to help me
At times, I feel overwhelmed and my depression leads me into darkness.
The saddest kind of sad is the sad that tries not to be sad.
 
You know, when sad tries to bite it’s lip and not cry and smile and go, “No I’m happy for you”? 

That’s when it’s really sad.
I spent two years telling myself 
that I was getting better
but now Im realizing Im not better
and I don’t think I can handle this by myself anymore
Mirror mirror can’t you see?

What you show me is destroying me.

Thank you for forgetting me

Thank you for not responding to me

Even when you see my messages

Thank you