PainOfAPoet*

I thought it’d make me feel better,
Letting myself cry.
Thought it’d make me stronger,
If I didn’t hold it all inside.
 
But now I feel weaker,
Drained of the will to live.
Don’t want to keep going,
Don’t want to feel like this.
 
Perhaps it makes me selfish,
But it’s so hard to hold on.
Nothing’s going right,
Yet nothing’s really wrong.
 
No big complex reason for this,
I don’t know why I feel this way.
I don’t even know anymore,
If I’ll last another day.
 
It’s so hard not to listen,
To the razors taunting call.
Seductively it whispers,
Urging me to end it all.
 
It started out as anger,
But now it’s like a hole.
My hearts still here inside of me,
But now it’s dark as coal.
 
Tomorrow is a new day,
But will I stay and fight?
Will I rise above these feelings,
Or end it all tonight?
 
The razors calling my name,
And silently I follow.
Will I pass the point of no return,
Or live yet remain just as hollow?

I love you.
 
I love you because you hurt me,
Because you leave me all alone.
I love you because you ignore me,
And use a sarcastic tone.
 
I love you because you hate me,
Because you fight with me every day.
I love you because you wound me,
Like a predator to prey.
 
I love you because you confuse me,
By telling me soft little lies.
I love you because you leave me,
Whispering new goodbyes.
 
I love you because you’re never there,
And I'm left feeling hollow.
I love you because you force me to cry,
Sometimes into tomorrow.
 
I love you because of the songs,
The ones you left me with to sing.
I love you because you never stood up for me,
And threw away my promise ring.
 
I love you because you are poison,
Slowly killing me inside.
I love you because you scare me,
Forcing me to hide.
 
 
I hate you.
 
I hate you because you care for me,
And always listen when I'm sad.
I hate you because you can calm me down,
Whenever I get really mad.
 
I hate you because you love me,
And because you’ll never let me go.
I hate you because you hold me,
Keeping me safe from the cold.
 
I hate you because you call me,
And we laugh for hours that pass.
I hate you because you use pet names,
That can make my smile last.
 
I hate you because we’re glued,
I can’t get away from you now.
I hate you because it’s all I know,
It’s you who showed me how.

I hate you because you love me,
And I'll love you forever more.
I love you because you hate me,
And I hate you more then I did before.

I just wanted to thank everyone who read my Drunken Daddy poem...it meant so much to me that you guys took the time to read it. <3

DRUNKEN DADDY
mine...please dont take?


You sit in your room,
Trying not to make a sound.
Daddy’s just downstairs,
And mommy’s not around.
 
You’ve smelt it all night,
His Bud Wiser beer.
That smell has defined your whole life,
And has made you live in fear.
 
You hear a creak,
And then a thump.
Then a pound on your door,
Makes you jump.
 
You pull your legs close,
And quick leap to the bed.
You’re supposed to be asleep,
If he catches you awake your dead.
 
You shut your eyes,
Just as the door flies open.
The light flashes on,
And all that’s left is hoping.
 
Maybe he won’t see that fact,
That though you’re slowly breathing.
The rise and fall of your chest,
Is incredibly uneven.
 
You can hear the shuffle,
Of his disoriented feet.
You hear him stumble,
And feel him grab your sheet.
 
He pulls it down,
As he crashes to the floor.
You hear him mutter something,
About how he’s going to be sore.
 
You keep your breath soft,
And keep your eyes shut tight.
Your body tenses up,
And your lip you bite.
 
Daddy stand up,
And grabs your arm.
You hope he’s not drunk enough,
To do much harm.
 
Your stomach sinks,
As he picks you up.
He throws you across the room,
The wall makes you stop so abrupt.
 
You land to the floor,
With a soft thud.
You lift your head,
And you can see all the blood.
 
Daddy smiles,
And takes a step towards you.
You flinch and he grins,
You don’t know what he’ll do.
 
The blood just keeps spilling,
As you two stare.
Your life is slipping away,
Of this you’re aware.
 
Then he lunges,
His hands reaching for your throat.
He squeezes his finger tightly,
And you begin to choke.
 
Blood trickles down your forehead,
And onto our dad.
He wipes up the blood,
And now he’s mad.
 
“You ruin everything,
You little punk.
You’re just like your mother,
That little c*nt.
 
Your just fricken like her,
You have no clue.
Both of you little b*tches,
Make me want to puke.”
 
He removes his hand,
Then his fist comes down hard.
It connect with your nose,
Leaving your face scarred.
 
More blood pours out,
And you feel your limbs go weak.
But you hold on to your life,
And clear your throat to speak.
 
“Daddy, oh daddy,
What did I ever do to you?
And what about Sister?
What did she do?
 
We don’t deserve this,
No matter what you say.
Killing her,
Didn’t make your problems go away.
 
It just made things worse,
And now look at you.
Your killing rate soon,
Will be up to 2.
 
Just put your hand down daddy,
And I know what we’ll do.
We’ll clean this mess up daddy,
Because I still love you.
 
Even after every hit,
You’ve ever given me.
I still love you,
Very much Daddy.
 
So let’s clean up this mess,
And clean up your act.
Because frankly I'm fed up.
With getting smacked.
 
Sister had spoken out,
But she was right.
Now let right now,
Be the last night.
 
No more drinking,
And no more swears.
Let’s become a family again,
One that’s loving and cares.”
 
Daddy laughs,
And shakes his head.
“Your sister is gone little one,
She’s beyond dead.
 
Your believing a dream,
Which will never come true.
It’s your time now baby,
To get what’s coming to you.”
 
And me and you,
Were reunited that night.
And I’ll hold you forever,
In this endless light.
 
Daddy can’t hurt you,
And in a few years past.
Maybe mommy,
Will join us at last.

I   w i s h  I  h a d   a          
                                 
 r e a s o n   t o  s m i l e   

Slowly it gets closer,
I feel the razor blade.
It's cold against my skin,
And the marks will never fade.

...
One cut two cut three cut four,
I hear knocking at the door.
Five cut six cut seven cut eight,

...
Another one it'll be too late.

Cold and sharp against my skin.

Soon the blade will be within.

Don't let it slip or it'll cut,

God now look at all the blood.

...
Crimson red is leaking,

From my open wounds.

I feel dizzy and in pain,

So much blood that I will lose.

...
Take my hand in yours,

For I shall die tonight,

Nothing left to live for,

Nothing feels this right.

...
One drop two drop three drop four,

There's a puddle on the floor,

Five drop six drop seven drop eight,

From this sleep I shall not wake.

...
Frantic knocking on the door,

The doorknob rattles violently.

Shouting screaming from the other side,

While still I sit silently.

...
Door comes down,

Look at their faces.

They see the blood,

And me sitting there shaking.

...
"Call the cops,

She's doing to die."

I laugh on the floor,

I don't know why.

...
Towel around me,

Stained with red.

I can't see anymore,

I think I’m dead.

...
Bright white light,

It's calling me.

I open my eyes,

And I can see.

...
Doctors, nurses,

All around.

My parents crying,

There's so much sound.

...
Deafening buzzing in my ears,

I try to escape somehow.

"Look she's awake!" They scream with glee,

I can't handle this right now.

...
"You could have let me die,

But you saved my life.

Let me end it right this time,

Give me back my knife."

...
Mom and dad cry harder,

And the doctors shake their head.

"Look how much pain they’re in, 

Why do you wish to be dead?"

...
I laugh at all of them,

Why should they care at all? 

It's my choice not theirs,

I want to punch the wall.

...
I want to feel the pain,

I want to feel the sting.

"I have nothing left to live for,

 Now get me off this thing."

...
I try to get off the bed,

 But the doctor holds me down.

"Let go of me you b/tch,

 Or I'll kick you to the ground."

...
I break his grip and run away,

Down the hall to the right.

I leave the building to the parking lot,

God its cold tonight.

...
I reach the car and get inside,

My razors under the seat.

I take it and hold it to my skin,

I need to make myself bleed.

...
Such a sweet release,

The blood is pouring out.

I hit a major artery,

I'll die there is no doubt.

...
One vein two vein three vein four,

I reach over and lock the doors.

Five vein six vein seven vein eight,

I've given in to all the hate.

...
Security outside the car,

They can't reach me now.

I'm going far away from this,

The razor told me how.

...
Darkness overwhelming me,

The pictures begin to fade.

Funny how all this started off,

With one cut of the razor blade.

...
As my life drains out,

I think of how I got here.

I was just so depressed,

And the razor was always there.

...
I told myself it was okay,

Because it didn't threaten my life.

Now all that I have left,

Is my bloodied pocket knife.

...
One cut two cut three cut four,

I'm not alive now anymore.

Four cut three cut two cut one,

The razors work is finally done.

How Can I Forget?
How can I forget you,
After everything we’ve been through?
How can I forget our past,
What these memories will forever last?
 
How can I forget your name,
When for always it will plague my brain?
How can I forget out love,
When nothing from you was always enough?
 
How can I forget my pain,
When the hurting comes and goes with the rain?
How can I forget my sorrow,
When it follows me into tomorrow?
 
How can I forget your choice,
When because of you I lost my voice?
How can I forget so much,
When everyday I try to keep in touch?
 
How can I forget the memories,
When without you I cannot breathe?
How can I forget this change,
When for the longest time it was all the same?
 
How can I forget what went down,
When you decided you don’t want me around?
How can I forget the pages,
When this story has been nothing but mazes?
 
How can I forget our song,
When it’s all I’ve got left now that you’re gone?
How can I forget what you said,
When the words play always inside my head?
 
How can I forget our fate,
When what was once love has turned to hate?
How can I forget I was wrong,
When you were right all along?
 
How can I forget Te Amo,
When I was giving you my love to borrow?
How can I forget to remember,
When you said we’d last forever?