Ash_leigh* on Witty Profiles

girl: can i go to the bathroom
female teacher: nope
girl: but it's a /girl issue/
female teacher: oh ok yes, go.

girl: can i go to the bathroom
male teacher: lol no
girl: but it's a /girl issue/
male teacher: oH MY GOD GO GO GO RUN TAKE A FRIEND WITH YOU IF YOU WANT TAKE THE WHOLE CLASS WITH YOU IF YOU WANT I DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH THIS JUST GO

439 6

BlackButterflies
excuseyou

a list of things that i wish i had never had to say
(a.k.a "why is my life the way that my life is")

(on the phone to my mother) "i think one of the tadpoles just
ate the other five. they're all gone and it's the only one
left in the tank. oh, god, i think it might have just exploded."

(to the lady at the pet shop) "so my sister's pet tadpoles
ate each other, i kind of need some replacements before
she gets home"

(to a boy) "no, your girlfriend is not cheating on you with me-
yes, i'm certain about that."

(to a teacher) "we accidentally photocopied our faces and
printed it off 300 times, is there any way to cancel it?"

(to alex) "i will not go out for pizza with you if you wear oven
gloves as slippers. no, i don't care if you can't find your shoes."

(to eoghan) "standing on a table and giving out free 'swag
lessons' to ten year olds is not something we do at school"

(to my sister) "no, a group of elderly people is not called a
'herd of elderlys'. please stop calling them that when
they walk past."

(to my idiot relatives) "japan is actually not a continent."

(to my cat) "why must you stand on top of doors and
throw yourself on to peoples heads as they walk past?"

(to then-boyfriend) "no, that's not a furry demon. yes, that's
my cat. she does that sometimes."

(to jack) "have you finally overcome your addiction to
rubbing my chin dimple when i'm talkin- oh no i suppose
not."

(to eliza) "i'm not saying that we accidentally clicked on
a p/orn site on your mothers computer but we might have
done and it's frozen now hELP"

(to my maths teacher) "i'm sorry for bringing a kettle
to class but there's a plug at the back of the room and
we really wanted some tea."

(to a boy) "i know my friend threw a shoe at you but she
felt like it was a good idea at the time."

(to my art teacher) "james and i kind of painted each others
faces blue and we can't get it off and we're not really sure
how to feel about that."

(to a zoo keeper) "that giraffe just licked my eyeball, is that safe?"

(to my science teacher) "the person who convinced the entire
class to balance pencil cases on their heads was not me."

i accidentally started thinking about weird stuff i've said and almost all of this was within the last year of my life oh my god

178 16

BlackButterflies
thetadpolethingwasverydisturbing

yeah, guns don't kill people, but they make it a hell of a lot easier for people to kill other people.

93 26

BlackButterflies
justsaying

yesterday in science my teacher walked past just as i was discussing how quickly acid would dissolve a human body (shhh i'm a writer i know things) and he gave me a really weird look but then i said "okay i swear i'm not a serial killer" and he laughed and said ok

(i feel like now is the time to mention that i am doing an art project that
involves a lot of still lifes with skulls etc.)

today, i walked around a corner and he was there.
i was holding a cow's skull, a sheep's skull, two leg bones, a section of a spine, five feet of rope and a length of chain.

good god.

112 3

BlackButterflies
ididntkillanyoneiswear

i hate that girls say "i'm not like other girls!!!" as if there is something very wrong with being like other girls

i hate that a lot of girls still think that se.x is meant to hurt the first time because they think the hymen "pops" when actually it naturally has a hole in it (how do you think tampons work? come on now.) and pain the first time means it was too rough or too fast or you need surgery because the hymen just kind of stretches usually and it should only hurt a little bit or not at all

i hate that girls use words like sl.ut and who.re to insult other girls when using those words actually insult and shame all females for having bodies and using them

i hate that i know i am going to get comments on this telling me how wrong i am about all of this (probably to the tune of "i'm not like other girls" or "but girls actually do x and y" )

i hate that it is socially acceptable to hate yourself but not to love yourself

i hate that it is okay for guys to take revealing pictures of women without their consent and post them on the internet but we laugh at girls who take selfies even though they are just taking control of how they're seen

i hate that we shame the girls who send the nu.de photos but not the guys who show them to their friends and send them around

i hate the attitude people have towards periods in general because god damn we can't help it the only way to stop having periods is to get pregnant

i think girls need to be a lot nicer to each other.

101 25

BlackButterflies
imgettingreadyforthecomments

My friend and her bf just broke up and she called me crying and I was all like “You’re going to fall in love so many times before you find the one you’ll be with forever. So think of it this way; you’re one heartbreak closer to happily ever after.” and I think she thought I was being deep and insightful, but really I was quoting wizards of waverly place

90 1

capsized*
breakup

12 year old conversation:
hey
hey
wats up
nm wbu
same
cool so who do u like
you
oh ok do u like me
yea lets date
ok
ily
ily2

124 4

*Elena;~ ♥*
love

Single and ready to reply with

sarcastic remarks to any form of affection because that’s the only way I know how to mingle

133 0

yourcool
funny

Do you guys ever have that thing

when you like someone but you dont want to admit it to yourself so you're

kind of just like omg i like him but also kind of like no i dont shut up me

135 3

angela*
love

i have like 64 different laughs

all ranging from cute bunny giggles to run the kraken is upon us

215 3

yourcool
funny

Ash_leigh*

Ash_leigh*'s Favorite Quotes