AubreeMae

Status:
Joined: March 26, 2013
Last Seen: 9 years
user id: 354470
Gender: F
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A picture of Caleb and I, holding our daughter for the first time.
 

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This little girl , Kenley Micah Sager, was just 7 months old when her father passed away from heart failure. Today, I watched my little girl walk all on her own, listened to her say "I love you mommy", and just all together experience the love that's growing each and every day. The last year a roller coaster ride of growth, change, grief, and new beginnings. These precious moments steal my breath and slow down time. These days remind me of all the blessings I live for and all the pain I've lived with. My family and Caleb's family joined me in tears as they have embraced her and helped her grow through challenges no child should ever have to face. Today is bitter sweet for a mom like me. My perspective has shown me the beauty in this moment. My past has given me the knowledge that nothing in this life is guaranteed and at any moment our lives can change forever. 
This photo was taken a year after Kenley's father passed away in 2013. Time has flown and yet it has seemingly stood still. This was supposed to be a family shoot, arranged before Caleb was hospitalized, and while I couldn't bear to be in the photos and see us as a family of 2 - I wanted the photo of my baby just the same. Tonight, as we get ready to face another year, here is what I think her father would want her to know. He would want her to know she is loved deeply, and cherished above all these. He would want her to live this life as fully and happily as possible. He would want her to have every adventure, climb tall mountains, see the world, and embrace the chaos that surrounds her. He would want her to do her best, play sports, listen to music, and learn with passion. He would want her to feel the sun on her face in the summer and the cool mountain air in the winter. He would never want to see her settle for less and always strive for me. He would never want her to fear death but instead fear a life not lived. Above all else he would simply want her to *live in the moment* because that is how he lived his life till the very last breath. He can't tell her these things so I take the time each day to show them what he dreamed of for her life. My gift to her is a lifetime of wishes from her father fulfilled in a way that shows her who he was.  His love, his life, his legacy - growing beautifully right before my eyes. He sees it all - I have faith that he does. 
From the depths of my soul I live for this little girl. She is the air I breath and the reason I have chosen to live my life the way I do. I won't show her that life ended on March 17th, 2013 because for her and I, it didn't. For the two of us it is a tragic day that will forever shape our world but we are left here on this earth to do more work. We are left here for whatever reason to live in the moment and make a difference if only in a small way. While we are here, I will raise her, shape her, explore with her, and LIVE with her the way Caleb wanted. I do his life, his memory, and his spirit no justice if we live any other way. So for me, it's no excuses, and absolutely no regrets.

Quotes by AubreeMae

Just out of curiousity..
Who's all a teen mom on this website?

 
It's times life these where silence means everything  
 
Being a mom is not about what you gave up to have a child, but what you've gained from having one.  
 
Take your pain and turn it into something great. Put your energy towards bettering life and starting something new.

It took time for me to be able to push myself to get out of bed and get the ambition to get ready and take on my day. Before, I wasn't even out of my bed yet and I was already wishing for the day to be over with. 
The stubborn person that I always have been, I turned down getting help on multiple occations and I let myself drown in guilt and depression and grief. That time I spent under a rock of guilt, I lost time I could have spent loving my daughter. 
Kenley is my pride and joy. I am so honored to be able to say that I'm a mommy to such a beautiful, down to earth little girl who's going to grow up being an incredible humanbeing. I did have my daughter at a young age while I was in high school but I have no regrets, not one.
I'm also so very thankful to have had the time spent with Caleb, Kenley's dad before he passed away. He was my first true love. My best friend. He had a voice of an angel and such a vibrant personality. Just being in his presence would make me so happy. His ring hasn't left my finger and it never will.
I have so many people I'm thankful for in my life and for helping me get myself together and on the right track and back on to the road of sucess.
I am so very proud to say that I'm a teenage mom. I graduated high school, I'm in college, I have my own place, and things are looking up and couldn't be better.

 











I am so blessed.
I thank God every day for all he's given me and the challenges that I've faced that have got me to where I am at right now. I'm so honored and so greatful of it all.
If it wasn't for the love and support, I wouldn't have been able to make such a great accomplishment.
Thank you, every single one of you, from the bottom of my heart. You all are incredible.
Good things are coming to all of you in the future. Just work hard and don't ever give up, even when the struggle is hard and seems impossible, it's not. You're always just as far in the tunnel as you'll ever be out. 
God bless.  





 











In one month, it's already going to be a year since my two beautiful kid's daddy was called home to Heaven to fly with the Angels. He was my best friend, my first and only true love. It breaks my heart that he's been gone for this long and Kenley or Braxton haven't been able to hear him say he loves them before they go to bed at night or to be there when they wake up. He's gave me the two most beautiful gifts a woman could ever ask for. I just wish he was here physically to be able to experience our little family growing. He keeps giving us more and more strength to move forward every single day.
I see Caleb in Kenley when she's laughing and Braxton has Caleb's beautiful blue eyes. I am so blessed.
I miss him so much.. Rest in Paradice Caleb.


If you have any memories or stories with Caleb that you would like to share, please comment them. I love to hear people talk about him and all the memories. Silence only makes things so much more harder. Please share. I show his older brother and other's that love to hear about him just as much.




 







They say that there is a reason, they say that time will heal, but neither time nor reason will change the way I feel. No one knows the heartache that lies behind are smile, no one knows how many times we have broken down and cried.. We want to tell you something, so there won't be any doubt, you're so wonderful to think of but so hard to be without..
 







I wasn't prepared for death. Nobody is.
You lose someone you love more than you love yourself, and you get a crash of mortality. You lie awake night after night, wondering if you really believe in Heaven and Hell and finding all kinds of reasons to cling to faith, because you can't bare to believe that they aren't out there somewhere, a few whispered words of a prayer away.


 






October 21st, 2013.
- We welcomed a beautiful baby boy to this world sent from his daddy's arms in Heaven. 
5.5 pounds. He has his daddys nose and blue eyes. 
Braxton James Sager.

 



 







It's really gloomy and cloudy today.. There is no sunshine. It just looks like the clouds are going to let go of all it's rain at any second. It's cold, it's quite and the leaves are falling down.. And I wake up missing you once again. It gets so hard on days like this.. I just want my little family together again.

 
 
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