AubreeMae
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Joined: March 26, 2013
Last Seen: 9 years
user id: 354470
Gender: F
Joined: March 26, 2013
Last Seen: 9 years
user id: 354470
Gender: F
96
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131 Favorites
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59 Followers
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131 Favorites
11 Following
59 Followers
14 Comment Points
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A picture of Caleb and I, holding our daughter for the first time.
This little girl , Kenley Micah Sager, was just 7 months old when her father passed away from heart failure. Today, I watched my little girl walk all on her own, listened to her say "I love you mommy", and just all together experience the love that's growing each and every day. The last year a roller coaster ride of growth, change, grief, and new beginnings. These precious moments steal my breath and slow down time. These days remind me of all the blessings I live for and all the pain I've lived with. My family and Caleb's family joined me in tears as they have embraced her and helped her grow through challenges no child should ever have to face. Today is bitter sweet for a mom like me. My perspective has shown me the beauty in this moment. My past has given me the knowledge that nothing in this life is guaranteed and at any moment our lives can change forever.
This photo was taken a year after Kenley's father passed away in 2013. Time has flown and yet it has seemingly stood still. This was supposed to be a family shoot, arranged before Caleb was hospitalized, and while I couldn't bear to be in the photos and see us as a family of 2 - I wanted the photo of my baby just the same. Tonight, as we get ready to face another year, here is what I think her father would want her to know. He would want her to know she is loved deeply, and cherished above all these. He would want her to live this life as fully and happily as possible. He would want her to have every adventure, climb tall mountains, see the world, and embrace the chaos that surrounds her. He would want her to do her best, play sports, listen to music, and learn with passion. He would want her to feel the sun on her face in the summer and the cool mountain air in the winter. He would never want to see her settle for less and always strive for me. He would never want her to fear death but instead fear a life not lived. Above all else he would simply want her to *live in the moment* because that is how he lived his life till the very last breath. He can't tell her these things so I take the time each day to show them what he dreamed of for her life. My gift to her is a lifetime of wishes from her father fulfilled in a way that shows her who he was. His love, his life, his legacy - growing beautifully right before my eyes. He sees it all - I have faith that he does.
From the depths of my soul I live for this little girl. She is the air I breath and the reason I have chosen to live my life the way I do. I won't show her that life ended on March 17th, 2013 because for her and I, it didn't. For the two of us it is a tragic day that will forever shape our world but we are left here on this earth to do more work. We are left here for whatever reason to live in the moment and make a difference if only in a small way. While we are here, I will raise her, shape her, explore with her, and LIVE with her the way Caleb wanted. I do his life, his memory, and his spirit no justice if we live any other way. So for me, it's no excuses, and absolutely no regrets.
Quotes by AubreeMae
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I always thought, how do parents go on when they lose a child? You know when I see that stuff on the news, i'd shut it off because it was just horrible to think.. But I would always think, how do they wake up every day? I mean, how do they breath? But you do wake up.. And just for a second you forget, then you remember it all and it's like getting that call again and again every time. You don't get to stop waking up.. You have to keep on being a parent even when you don't have a child anymore..
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I would like to make a shoutout to someone who is one of the most important people in my life. Someone who made so much of an impact on my life, who has seen me at my worst and was there to celebrate with me at my best. This lovely woman is my Mom. If there is any woman in this world I admire the most it would be her. Not only is she my mom but also she's my best friend. She's been there for me to talk to since day 1 and even though she didn't always agree with a choice I've made; she never judged me. Not only do I admire her strength but I admire her beauty, her will to smile when life gets really rough sometimes. Her strength is what has helped shape the young woman I am today. When one of her three reasons to live was laid to rest, she stayed on the right track and think positive and able to help other young lives. Tegan Mathew was her first child, he was a momma's boy. After the tragic accident, I never pictured this family to ever be the same.. But my mom is what held this family together. Through lots and lots of laughter, so many tears, I wouldn't trade my mom for the world. She's my rock. My inspiration. My biggest fan. But most of all, my best friend.
Happy 38th Birthday, Mom.
xoxo
Aubree
The worst nightmare
This story isn't unlike many others you heard..
The nurse carfully reading the printed handwriting on her flow sheet as the night shift nurse gives the Doctor a detailed list of his inguries. He's young, she didn't need to see his birth date to know that as she up from the waiting window outside Tegan's room to look at his face, only eighteen years old and his first trip to the level one trauma center.
* It's rough to type this out from remembering every move and action that was made from this terrible night.. It will be little parts of the story, piece by piece. This was the wait of a lifetime, the start of mine and my families worst nightmare.*
This story isn't unlike many others you heard..
The nurse carfully reading the printed handwriting on her flow sheet as the night shift nurse gives the Doctor a detailed list of his inguries. He's young, she didn't need to see his birth date to know that as she up from the waiting window outside Tegan's room to look at his face, only eighteen years old and his first trip to the level one trauma center.
* It's rough to type this out from remembering every move and action that was made from this terrible night.. It will be little parts of the story, piece by piece. This was the wait of a lifetime, the start of mine and my families worst nightmare.*
“
It's so wonderful to see a community come together when someone is in need of love and support. We all love you Caleb, You will never be forgotten. May you rest in peace.
To the rest of you, I urge you to live as Caleb did - not a care in the world. Do what you want because it's what YOU want. Don't spend it worrying about what others think, he never did. Leave this world with nothing but happiness, no cares, no regrets.
Kenley Micah Sager
Her first birthday was yesterday. She's finally 1 years old. She was quite the surprise to me and her daddy and there was a lot of changes that needed to be made but for the better. She opened my eyes to be able to see that life can give you beautiful things and gives you time to prepare for the joy that is coming. I couldn't imagine not having her in my life. Happy Birthday Kenley Micah, mommy loves you so much.
I wish her daddy was here to tell her how much he loves her..