AubreeMae

Status:
Joined: March 26, 2013
Last Seen: 9 years
user id: 354470
Gender: F
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A picture of Caleb and I, holding our daughter for the first time.
 

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This little girl , Kenley Micah Sager, was just 7 months old when her father passed away from heart failure. Today, I watched my little girl walk all on her own, listened to her say "I love you mommy", and just all together experience the love that's growing each and every day. The last year a roller coaster ride of growth, change, grief, and new beginnings. These precious moments steal my breath and slow down time. These days remind me of all the blessings I live for and all the pain I've lived with. My family and Caleb's family joined me in tears as they have embraced her and helped her grow through challenges no child should ever have to face. Today is bitter sweet for a mom like me. My perspective has shown me the beauty in this moment. My past has given me the knowledge that nothing in this life is guaranteed and at any moment our lives can change forever. 
This photo was taken a year after Kenley's father passed away in 2013. Time has flown and yet it has seemingly stood still. This was supposed to be a family shoot, arranged before Caleb was hospitalized, and while I couldn't bear to be in the photos and see us as a family of 2 - I wanted the photo of my baby just the same. Tonight, as we get ready to face another year, here is what I think her father would want her to know. He would want her to know she is loved deeply, and cherished above all these. He would want her to live this life as fully and happily as possible. He would want her to have every adventure, climb tall mountains, see the world, and embrace the chaos that surrounds her. He would want her to do her best, play sports, listen to music, and learn with passion. He would want her to feel the sun on her face in the summer and the cool mountain air in the winter. He would never want to see her settle for less and always strive for me. He would never want her to fear death but instead fear a life not lived. Above all else he would simply want her to *live in the moment* because that is how he lived his life till the very last breath. He can't tell her these things so I take the time each day to show them what he dreamed of for her life. My gift to her is a lifetime of wishes from her father fulfilled in a way that shows her who he was.  His love, his life, his legacy - growing beautifully right before my eyes. He sees it all - I have faith that he does. 
From the depths of my soul I live for this little girl. She is the air I breath and the reason I have chosen to live my life the way I do. I won't show her that life ended on March 17th, 2013 because for her and I, it didn't. For the two of us it is a tragic day that will forever shape our world but we are left here on this earth to do more work. We are left here for whatever reason to live in the moment and make a difference if only in a small way. While we are here, I will raise her, shape her, explore with her, and LIVE with her the way Caleb wanted. I do his life, his memory, and his spirit no justice if we live any other way. So for me, it's no excuses, and absolutely no regrets.

AubreeMae's Favorite Quotes





 {                                
Everyone exists for a reason,
as small as it can be,
I'm sure you have a meaning too. 
                               }



 
47 0 Ethanol Ethanol
true

Life is too short to waste any amount of time on wondering what other people think about you. In the first place, if they had better things going on in their lives, they wouldn't have the time to sit around and talk about you. What's important to me is not others' opinions of me, but what's important to me is my opinion of myself.                                                                                                              
                                                                                               >>

55 0 Ethanol Ethanol
inspirational

 
and i don't get waves of missing you anymore. it's more like tsunami tides in my eyes.

8 0 BeautifulCreature BeautifulCreature
love


when I die
don't come to my grave
and sit there for hours
telling me how much you love
and miss me
because those are the things
I wanted to hear when
I still could hear


k.s.



134 6 Infinity on high* Infinity on high*
love
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48 0
quote
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26 0
quote



                    WE ASSUME OTHERS SHOW LOVE THE SAME WAY WE DO; 
                           and if they don’t, we worry it’s not there.
 


 
 
33 0 capsized* capsized*
awe

I found this on tumblr:

A solider posted this as his status this morning:

Some people are asking me what I think about Syria, so here it is.
I'm tired. I'm tired of people watching their children grow up via Facebook and Skype. I'm tired of hearing aman  tell his wife 'I love you' followed by 'I missyou' for an entire year. I'm tired of watching the military divorce rate shoot sky-high. I'm tired of overhearing some teenager tell his mom 'I'm going over there." and hearing her cry from 20 feet away. I'm tired of Veterans waiting years to get the help they deserve and need. I'm tired of empty seats at Christmas dinner every other year and anniversary presents in the mail flying overseas. I'm tired of new men and women walking around with invisible wounds that don't heal.

Our flag is a beautiful thing - but I'm tired of seeing it draped over a casket. I'm tired of men and women missing pieces of their bodies, minds and souls.
 

269 3 br0kenwings br0kenwings
sad




Love starts when you don't need it

and ends when you need it the most




73 7 Rajsonkar Rajsonkar
true
And with a heavy heart,
I've realized just how little
I mean to you.

Honestly,
it hurts. 

Oh god,
does it hurt.

But I knew it was coming,
I always have;

I just wish it didn't happen
so damn soon.

                             (DS)

 

35 0 celestialerror* celestialerror*
love