A picture of Caleb and I, holding our daughter for the first time.
This little girl , Kenley Micah Sager, was just 7 months old when her father passed away from heart failure. Today, I watched my little girl walk all on her own, listened to her say "I love you mommy", and just all together experience the love that's growing each and every day. The last year a roller coaster ride of growth, change, grief, and new beginnings. These precious moments steal my breath and slow down time. These days remind me of all the blessings I live for and all the pain I've lived with. My family and Caleb's family joined me in tears as they have embraced her and helped her grow through challenges no child should ever have to face. Today is bitter sweet for a mom like me. My perspective has shown me the beauty in this moment. My past has given me the knowledge that nothing in this life is guaranteed and at any moment our lives can change forever.
This photo was taken a year after Kenley's father passed away in 2013. Time has flown and yet it has seemingly stood still. This was supposed to be a family shoot, arranged before Caleb was hospitalized, and while I couldn't bear to be in the photos and see us as a family of 2 - I wanted the photo of my baby just the same. Tonight, as we get ready to face another year, here is what I think her father would want her to know. He would want her to know she is loved deeply, and cherished above all these. He would want her to live this life as fully and happily as possible. He would want her to have every adventure, climb tall mountains, see the world, and embrace the chaos that surrounds her. He would want her to do her best, play sports, listen to music, and learn with passion. He would want her to feel the sun on her face in the summer and the cool mountain air in the winter. He would never want to see her settle for less and always strive for me. He would never want her to fear death but instead fear a life not lived. Above all else he would simply want her to *live in the moment* because that is how he lived his life till the very last breath. He can't tell her these things so I take the time each day to show them what he dreamed of for her life. My gift to her is a lifetime of wishes from her father fulfilled in a way that shows her who he was. His love, his life, his legacy - growing beautifully right before my eyes. He sees it all - I have faith that he does.
From the depths of my soul I live for this little girl. She is the air I breath and the reason I have chosen to live my life the way I do. I won't show her that life ended on March 17th, 2013 because for her and I, it didn't. For the two of us it is a tragic day that will forever shape our world but we are left here on this earth to do more work. We are left here for whatever reason to live in the moment and make a difference if only in a small way. While we are here, I will raise her, shape her, explore with her, and LIVE with her the way Caleb wanted. I do his life, his memory, and his spirit no justice if we live any other way. So for me, it's no excuses, and absolutely no regrets.
I don't remember the exact date but you might. He proposed to you and he wrote about it. I commented to him say congrats and I remember how he seemed so excited even through a message. I remember the exact words he said to me. ' She's finally mine.' I was surprised he said that but then I realized that his love was true. And even if he isn't here anymore, his love is still there. The night I found out he had passed I cried for hours, he helped me a lot. It might be weird but I still talk to him. I feel like her replies. He better be playing with nerf guns up there. Hope the babies are doing good! Hope you liked this memory just as much as I do. Its the last time I talked to him, I think. Congrats. You can come to me whenever you would like.
I mean, if you couldn't guess yourself by the last name the baby has. I'd just suggest to stop commenting. I find asking these questions is disrespectful.
Please don't get rid of either accounts, you inspire me so much.. but if it will make things better for you i respect your decision to do so. I have no idea what you are going through is like but I pray stuff gets better for you <3
I want to talk to some teenage moms on here! And thank you very much!
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Landon and Kenley<3