BeeMYSunshine

Its funny, to see the things you say about her, after all this time. to see that you are mad because she left you. to see that you think she is a terrible person because she left you. to see that you are mad because she left when you needed her. but here I am, sitting baffled because you left me with no good reason when I needed you. but I dont think you are a bad person, because I understand that people leave. people move on. nothing is forever. and you sitting here being so angry with her is just making you bitter and cold and sad. but I am okay. because now seeing this, seeing how awful it makes you, hearing how you feel, I can move on too, because i wont be as stupid as you. I wont let you destroy me the way she destroyed you. I hope you move on soon Zach, she is never coming back, and thats okay, you are strong, you dont need her. 

So my ex boyfriend walked in on me cutting my legs today. he asked me to stop and he picked me up and put me on the bed and kissed me and played with my hair and let me cry. and then later that day, he told his girlfriend i cut my self. now i am getting harrased about it from a girl i dont know, who doesnt understand that her boyfriend is a cheater and clearly an a**hole. 

You wanted your file, I found you your file. You wanted out, I got you out. You needed money, I found you some. I'm f*cking consistent. I told you the truth.I didn't write it down in a f*cking book! I told you to your face. And I told *Daisy* to her face. what everybody knew and wouldn't say, and she killed herself. And I played the f*cking villain, just like you wanted.

and my dad quit his job, again. guess my mum is going to have to take more hours at work, agian. 

I tear open my own f*cking skin because of her, and he gets angry because I dont want to go to her house to be with her and her new girlfriend. shows what kind of friend you are. 

Everyone wonders why I dont do my school work. I just tell them I dont feel like it or I dont care enough to do it. I dont care if I pass 9th grade, and Im not worried. But thats not true. I care. Im worried. Im so stressed out it is making me physically sick. Im terrified Im not going to get back into my old  school, thats the only place I can actually concentrate on school. but here, I cant do it. I don't understand whats going on. I have a tutor for every class and im still failing. I'm not doing my work because everytime i do, I fail. I cant fail if I dont try. I dont want to feel stupid. so Its just easier for me to cope with it if I just dont do it. I know I shouldn't be running away from my problems, but im not ready to do anything else about it. Im sick of feeling stupid all the time. Im sick of hearing how everyone is so sad about having one or two C's when straight C's is my goal. I cant even get C's. I have D's and F's. and no one understands that when I try, I try really hard. But it still gets me no were, so Im sick of being dissapointed with my best. Id rather just have everyone else be dissapointed with my worst. 

All my friends are either stoners that cant hold a conversation, or people that think they are better than everyone. great. i need some new friends. 

oops i wanna die again.