motz_ztom*
Status:
Inactive 99.99999999999% of the time because I'm disgustingly doing nothing and going nowhere in life.
Joined: July 31, 2013
Last Seen: 9 years
user id: 367839
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
Gender: F
Joined: July 31, 2013
Last Seen: 9 years
user id: 367839
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
Gender: F
47
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38 Following
24 Followers
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607 Favorites
38 Following
24 Followers
1 Comment Point
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My name is Motu, middle name Maria. Weird, I know.
I go through phases.
Right now, it's kpop and fanfiction.
I go through phases.
Right now, it's kpop and fanfiction.
Quotes by motz_ztom*
My mum
can
never
"ground"
me.
I'm
at home
all
the
time,
and
I think
she
knows
that
taking
away
my technology
wouldn't
bother
me.
I'm the worst 'perfect' daughter, according to her and I don't get it?
I'm the worst 'perfect' daughter, according to her and I don't get it?
I really hate my body.
It's typical for teenage girls to feel insecure
and not be that confident in their bodies...
But I really hate mine.
I have scars all over my body and I'm slightly
bigger than most girls.
My butt is big, and then I have long gangly arms and cuts along my stomach.
My eyes are boring, brown and are often bloodshot.
As if I was doing drugs or something.
My face is always spotted with pimples in
the most obvious places.
I always found it ridiculous how girls
would fuss over their bodies and be so insecure,
but now I understand.
Now I can see how hard it must be
to never be comfortable with yourself,
unless you're dolled up or covered up...
It's typical for teenage girls to feel insecure
and not be that confident in their bodies...
But I really hate mine.
I have scars all over my body and I'm slightly
bigger than most girls.
My butt is big, and then I have long gangly arms and cuts along my stomach.
My eyes are boring, brown and are often bloodshot.
As if I was doing drugs or something.
My face is always spotted with pimples in
the most obvious places.
I always found it ridiculous how girls
would fuss over their bodies and be so insecure,
but now I understand.
Now I can see how hard it must be
to never be comfortable with yourself,
unless you're dolled up or covered up...
Being
friends
with
attractive
people
when
you
are
in no way
"attractive" really
sucks.
Just seeing or hearing anything to do with them just destroys my self esteem.
I love them, but can they just not be so perfect? D; f/ck being ugly.
Just seeing or hearing anything to do with them just destroys my self esteem.
I love them, but can they just not be so perfect? D; f/ck being ugly.
I am what I am and you deserve better.
I feel in the mood to share something personal. Really
personal...
So... I was sexually harassed when I was younger, maybe 7 years old?
And his name was Christian.
He would give me photos that he'd taken of me.
He'd follow me around at school and even paid other guys to do it for him when he wasn't there.
He would call up my house, demanding to speak to me.
A lot of the time, I'd turn around and he'd be standing there, smiling at me.
I'd cry a lot. Try to run.
But he'd catch me and shove me. Then he'd touch me and tell me he liked me.
I didn't understand why he'd do that.
He moved away, after about 3-4 years.
For a while, I felt safe. My friend made me secret facebook account and I gained a lot of friends.
One day, some kid who as a grade below me started talking to me.
He told me about how Christian was dating his older sister.
I told him all these things, about how he should warn her. Something!
I felt this urge to help her. To help him, too.
But after about 2 years of just talking to this kid on facebook. I confronted him.
He told me he didn't have a facebook. Didn't know what I was talking about.
When I got home, I messaged him. Demanding to know who he really was.
He revealed himself.
Who he really was.
And I found out it'd been Christian the whole time.
I'd realised that for years, I'd fooled myself into thinking I was safe from him.
But the entire time, he'd been there.
Secretly watching.
That even if he wasn't there in person, he could still make me feel like I did all those years ago.
Weak. Helpless. And so f/cking afraid.
I deactivated my facebook account.
And then he started calling up my homline again.
Swearing at me. Swearing at my family.
I was afraid.
He's stopped now. I haven't heard from him in almost 2 years now.
But everytime the phone rings, I'm scared it's him.
Everytime I meet a guy, I'm scared they'll do to me what Christian did.
I'm just so scared.
Lol, you can now see why I go counselling.
So... I was sexually harassed when I was younger, maybe 7 years old?
And his name was Christian.
He would give me photos that he'd taken of me.
He'd follow me around at school and even paid other guys to do it for him when he wasn't there.
He would call up my house, demanding to speak to me.
A lot of the time, I'd turn around and he'd be standing there, smiling at me.
I'd cry a lot. Try to run.
But he'd catch me and shove me. Then he'd touch me and tell me he liked me.
I didn't understand why he'd do that.
He moved away, after about 3-4 years.
For a while, I felt safe. My friend made me secret facebook account and I gained a lot of friends.
One day, some kid who as a grade below me started talking to me.
He told me about how Christian was dating his older sister.
I told him all these things, about how he should warn her. Something!
I felt this urge to help her. To help him, too.
But after about 2 years of just talking to this kid on facebook. I confronted him.
He told me he didn't have a facebook. Didn't know what I was talking about.
When I got home, I messaged him. Demanding to know who he really was.
He revealed himself.
Who he really was.
And I found out it'd been Christian the whole time.
I'd realised that for years, I'd fooled myself into thinking I was safe from him.
But the entire time, he'd been there.
Secretly watching.
That even if he wasn't there in person, he could still make me feel like I did all those years ago.
Weak. Helpless. And so f/cking afraid.
I deactivated my facebook account.
And then he started calling up my homline again.
Swearing at me. Swearing at my family.
I was afraid.
He's stopped now. I haven't heard from him in almost 2 years now.
But everytime the phone rings, I'm scared it's him.
Everytime I meet a guy, I'm scared they'll do to me what Christian did.
I'm just so scared.
Lol, you can now see why I go counselling.
We're growing
apart.
No matter how much we promised to be there for eachother,
That all went away as soon as we found other people.
It's ridiculous, really.
How do wego from talking into the early morning,
To barely getting a message from the other every month?
I love you.
I really do.
But it's so f_cking hard to hold on,
When the person you're reaching for won't reach back.
And you know what makes it even worse?
When you won't even acknowledge the change.
When you pretend nothing is different.
Open your f_cking eyes.
See what's really happening.
No matter how much we promised to be there for eachother,
That all went away as soon as we found other people.
It's ridiculous, really.
How do wego from talking into the early morning,
To barely getting a message from the other every month?
I love you.
I really do.
But it's so f_cking hard to hold on,
When the person you're reaching for won't reach back.
And you know what makes it even worse?
When you won't even acknowledge the change.
When you pretend nothing is different.
Open your f_cking eyes.
See what's really happening.
I'm scared.
No, I'm terrified.
That one day everyone will leave me.
That they'll get tired and ditch me.
That they'll be sick of waiting around for me to come around.
I'm afraid that they'll realise how much of a complete waste I am.
No, I'm terrified.
That one day everyone will leave me.
That they'll get tired and ditch me.
That they'll be sick of waiting around for me to come around.
I'm afraid that they'll realise how much of a complete waste I am.
Be
yourself!
Even if it's hard, and it seems like you aren't being accepted, just keep your head up.
You aren't there to impress them. They don't own you. They have no right. Show them who you really are.
Be your fugging self.
Because there's nothing more pathetic than being someone else for someone who doesn't love the real you.
Even if it's hard, and it seems like you aren't being accepted, just keep your head up.
You aren't there to impress them. They don't own you. They have no right. Show them who you really are.
Be your fugging self.
Because there's nothing more pathetic than being someone else for someone who doesn't love the real you.
I'm destructive.
I freak out. I overreact. I shout and get angry. I cry and get insecure.
I keep people at arms length, and push them away when they come close.
I'm an emotional wreck, and it shows. Especially when I'm vulnerable.
One minute I'm okay, smiling even. The next I'm in hysterics, screaming.
That's just the way I am.
I'm a handful, and I'll annoy you in any way I can, at any opportunity I get.
But I can also make you smile. I can hug you and make you laugh.
I can be someone you can turn to. Who will just listen to your troubles.
I can just be your friend, even if I make it impossible for you to be mine.
I could just be there for you, for as long as you'll have me.
Because this is the way I am, and it's who I'll always be.
I freak out. I overreact. I shout and get angry. I cry and get insecure.
I keep people at arms length, and push them away when they come close.
I'm an emotional wreck, and it shows. Especially when I'm vulnerable.
One minute I'm okay, smiling even. The next I'm in hysterics, screaming.
That's just the way I am.
I'm a handful, and I'll annoy you in any way I can, at any opportunity I get.
But I can also make you smile. I can hug you and make you laugh.
I can be someone you can turn to. Who will just listen to your troubles.
I can just be your friend, even if I make it impossible for you to be mine.
I could just be there for you, for as long as you'll have me.
Because this is the way I am, and it's who I'll always be.
Pretending is the only thing stopping me from completely breaking
down.