Bobscookies

Already dead

Lonely and hurt, 
Broken I remain
Residing in hell,
living in pain

Masked by lies, 
I slowly fade away;
The nightmare I live with, 
each and every day

The meaning of it all, 
to which my mind attends
Has not one answer
that I fully comprehend

The bottom of my mind 
holds the answers which I call;
I keep reaching towards it 
in this never-ending fall

"Stay strong and keep going, 
it's never too late"...
No one seems to realize 
that it's not worth the wait

There's no such thing 
as help outside of your mind,
It's you against yourself, 
with your demons intertwined

It's a battle, hard fought,
but never to be won...
Either way you end up losing 
when it's all said and done

"Too late" came and passed
and, of me, nothing more
I wrote my own ending, 
and I shut my own door

"Live your life to its fullest"
that's what they all said,
But what's the point in trying 
when you're already dead?

when you love someone, you dont lie to them. you dont use them for happiness and you dont use them to get what you want. you dont stab them in their back and break their heart. you dont love the person you used to date more than the person you currently are dating. thats not how love works. when you fall in love with someone and then you break up you dont love them with all your heart. there is still love between the two but it wont be strong enough to brink the two back together. its more of a friendly caring love, not the love you once had with them. i tried to help you but it wasnt enough. i tried to love you as much as i could but it wasnt enough. i tried to show you how much i cared about you, but it wasnt enough to make you happy. everyday when we were dating i felt this feeling inside like no other. i never felt it before in my life until i met you. you made me happy and smile everyday. you showed me the world and you showed me that people really do care about me. you were the best thing to ever happen to me. but i love you for you, but that was the emily i met a year ago... over the past year you changed.. you started to develop a stronger love for him instead of me... the love we shared was getting weaker and the love you onced shared with him was getting stronger... i tried everything i could to get you away from the past but it was never enough to get you away from it... i failed at everything... i did what i could and you never noticed it... you never noticed all the times i cried and all the times i needed you because you were too busy with him and not paying attention to the one you loved and the one who loved you back... i loved you with all my heart but you stabbed me in the back... you hurt me... you crushed me... and you lied to me.... why? why do this to me? who wouldnt you forget the past and move on? be happy with me and not the past. why?  

i have no friends.. no one likes me... everyone hates me... everyone wishes i was dead... so if i died today no one would care... not even my ex girlfriend... she doesnt give a sh*t anymore. shes done with me. she hates me. she dislikes me. she probably wishes i never walked into her life but guess what? i dont give a sh*t anymore. even though i still cry every night because i miss her.... because i miss the way she made me feel..... miss the way she would look at me....  i dont know what the fu*k im saying anymore.... my life is just terrible.. no friends, no one wants to hang out, no one wants to talk to me, i try to be a good friend but all i do is fail and i miss my ex girlfriend but she doesnt want my sorry a** anymore....she could never make up her da*n mind and she could never think straight... one minute she loves me and then the next its like "oh i have alot to think about.. it cant work" but then its like "im sorry for everything i miss" like really? what the fu*k? stop messing with my feelings and stop hurting me..but whatever.... no one will ever love me or care about me.. no one does so mabye if i died right now everyone will be happy... 

i dont know what to say. im bored. well the good news is that im happy again. so yea thats it.

talkings to friends always help..... but it su*ks when all you can do is cry..... i cant stop thinking... i cant stop crying.... im never gonna find anyone as perfect as you...... i cant stop thinking of you.. i cant stop crying over you... i cant stop dreaming about you... it su*ks waking up in the middle of the night crying.... i just wanted to get back together and be a better person.... i couldnt stop crying at night even when we were dating... i didnt know what to when things got bad...... i couldnt stop crying each night.... i wanted to die because i was a terrible boyfriend..... i just wanted another chance.... i wake up crying... i cry when im alone during the day and i cry myself to sleep..... i fu*ked up.... i cant stop crying..... and i cant stop thinking about you.... i cant stop dreaming of you.....

i dont know what to say anymore.... i tried and i tried and i promised to you.... but all i ever did was fail.... i just dont know wht to do right now... your never gonna love me again, ur never gonna want me, ur never gonna talk to me again, ur never gonna think of me, ur just gonna forget about me... cause apparently i meant nothing to you...