Btrytobefunny

Mom is the one that believes in you. Takes care of you. Loves you. Not matter how bad you treat her, she'll always be there for you and help you out with your problems while she hide hers.

I don't have a Facebook or Twitter account,
so I just go around announcing out loud what I'm doing at random times.
I've got 3 followers so far, but I think 2 are cops.

The truth will set you free. But first, it will pisss you off.

Dear NASA,
Your mom didnt think I was small.
Sincerely,
Pluto *

I'm a leader. Not a follower.
Unless it is a dark place, then you go first.

The only time a woman should get down on her knees for a guy is the day she ties her son laces

Teacher: If you have 10 cakes and someone ask you for 2, how many you have left?

Me: 10! That btch aint getting sht!

When your ex ask you to be friends after a break up is like when a kidnapper ask you to "keep in touch" after letting you go.

She's not thirsty. She's D-hydrated.

I'm only saving your number so I know not to answer when you call