rooftops*

so you guys are about to hear a story that changed my life.
alright. so i went to vans warped tour wednesday.
and me and my friend LeAnn, really wanted to see Black Veil Brides.
before they came on we were at barricade and the guard goes,
"alright third solo and Andy's coming down on the right."
LeAnn and I were so bummed because we were in the middle and wouldn't be able to touch him.
I smiled though and said, "Lets change his mind."
they soon came on and we rocked out singing along every word,
rocking on so hard and everything.
When the third song came on Andy jumped down between the barricade and the crowd.
He walked right past the right side and we straight in front of LeAnn and I.
He grabbed my hand ( I mean fingers intertwined ) and I helped him up on the barricade.
He smiled at LeAnn and I and sang holding my hand.
He let go but almost fell so I grabbed his hand to help him stable himself.
When he got down the secruity guards looked kind of mad because he wasn't supposed to go there.
He went back on stage and smiled at LeAnn and I and continued playing. 
During a guitar solo the bassist whent right up to the stage and I pointed at him and
yelled "I love you!" and he pointed back at me and smiled.
When Jinxx came up to the end of the stage I yelled, "Jinxx, I love you!" and he smiled
really big at me.
Basically it was the best day ever. It was so perfect, I couldn't have been any better.

so the other day, i looked in the mirror. and just started pointing out everything i hated, out loud. i started screaming at myself. it was so horrible, i couldn't stop crying. the amount of self hate i have is devastating. i couldn't stop yelling at myself. it was horrible. and i think in that moment, i realized that theres no point in living.

I've held my tongue for far too long this silence kills me.