rooftops*

Status:
Joined: June 29, 2012
Last Seen: 1 decade
user id: 313088
Location: Burlington, West Virginia
Gender: F
 
come back to me.
hi my names hannah. a aspiring tour manager or guitar tech. regular chinese
food consumer. somewhat of a writer. and a avid concert goer.



 

Quotes by rooftops*

you know what really sucks? 
knowing i'll never be as happy as I was when I met Asking Alexandria.
i'll never be as happy as I was in that moment.
when i met them, it felt like everything,
every weight,
every problem,
every pain,
it was all gone.
the entire day was perfect and i'l never have that back.
it really makes me want to stop living.
but then i remember.
Danny singing the last lyrics to Run Free,
and he looked at me.
he looked at me like he knew i needed it.
and sang,
"You won't, you won't be alone in the end."
and that moment,
that moment will be the reason I keep breathing.
I'm going to tell you guys everything. From the start, which was about a year ago. I hope you're going to be able to handle it. So I live with an acholic dad and a druggie mother. I know I complain about my parents, but you hae no idea the truth I'm about to tell you. About a year ago I lost my boyfriend, he broke up with me, and he was the only perosn I had told about anything. He was there for me, as I was there for him. Shortly after my parents started fighting, like crazy, physically. Soon my best guy friend Cody and I began dating and things were a little okay. Suddenly I lost him when he moved. I was sure I would never see him again. Until he moved back. He was changed by then though. A totally different person. And he still is. He's still the different, and he still isn't the guy I thought was my best friend. Thats two people that knew everything I lost. Next came my best friend, who I stopped talking too for a year, but then we got back to being friends again. She was so self involved that she didn't realize her talking to everyone that mattered to me, she took them away. I lost her too. That's three people I confided in that I lost. At this point, I decided to stop trusting people. Until I decided to trust another person. Stupid of me, right? Well this guy was Matt and I was extremly close with him. I told him everything, just like I told the others. Excdpt by this time I was self-harming and he was helping me with that. Until one day, I turned him down on a date, and the truth came out. He called me a attention seeking emo, along with a lot of other unkind things. I think that was the point that I started turning my back on humanity. This was now four people who I had been shown didn't care. I truely started thinking nobody else would. Then came my friend Katie. She was self-harming at the time and I guess I thought since we were going through similar things that she would be trustable. I opened up to her, told her everything. And once again she shut me down. She brushed it off and basically acted like I meant nothing and my problems were fake. This was the fifth person who showed me trust was meaningless. At this point I shut down, I just didn't think anybody was trustable and kept everything in. Recently, I told someone named Cody (a different Cody than before) about my suicide attempts and self hate/harm. As far as I know, he hasn't told anybody. I only brought it up once and it was when I was trying to talk him out of suicide, but I'm terrified that I will get played again. My trust is so small. It's gotten to the point where I don't tell anybody, anything. I live in a town completly alone with people I can't trust. People I hate, but have to socialize with because if I break down I get sent away to some looney bin. Therapists don't help, and part of me thinks it's because I don't want help. Secretly I just want something horrifying to happen so that I have a reason to shut down. Something on the outside to happen, not the inside where people won't understand and will judge me. My mom told me to kill myself and ever since then I've been so low. That was probably about three or four months ago but no matter what she buys me, what she says to me, I know the truth. I will always know the truth. It rings in the back of my mind all the time and that's so hard. Can I be honest with you guys? I mean since I'm opening up... I might as well tell you everything. I tried to kill myself last night. Apparently I didn't cut my wrist deep enough and now I just have a deep gash to cover up along with every other scar and fresh cut. I'm pathetic. I'm the product of my own screwed up mind. I'm dark and demented. But what do you see on the outside? Smiles and laughing. I'm not going to give you the line of crap that says "I cry myself to sleep every night." because that's the biggest lie ever. I cried three nights straight and then there was no more tears. I actually can't cry anymore. I cried every tear I had. And thats where the last part comes in. Out of the five people who've screwed me over and made my trust smaller, theres a sixth person. And that disgusting, lying, horrible sixth person, is me.



 


i need to vent. i don't care if witty isn't a place for this.
i've always expressed my feelings on here and there's not where else too.
i feel increadable stupid.
just like i thought, you were a flirt. a huge flirt, that i seriously knew you were all along.
but i believed my friends when they said i had a chance.
and then when you started talking about a relationship, i really started to think i had one.
wow, i was so stupid.
i seriously thought i had a chance.
you made me happy.
you made me laugh and smile.
you were some light with my dark tunnel.
but you know what, i was dumb.
there is no light for me.
there never is and never will be.
so for the first time, in the entire time.
i can say i give up. and i mean it.
i'm done trying.
my walls are up for good now and i won't be telling anybody anything.
this is the last time i get hurt.

 

A bed; 
where most teenagers find themselves
for 16 hours of the day,
because they'd rather be asleep than
deal with their problems
And if sleep if for the weak,
then teenagers are the weakest group
It's a drug
You close your eyes and just like that,
you're gone and reality cannout touch you
And if nothing was ever a priority,
most of us wouldn't bother waking up.





 





 


 
 
I like drinking coffee alone and reading alone. I like riding the bus alone and walking home alone. It gives me time to think and set my mind free. I like eating alone and listening to music alone.

But when I see a mother with her child, a girl with her lover, or a friend laughing with her best friend, I realize that even though I like being alone, I don't fancy being lonely.

The sky is beautiful, but the people are sad. I just need someone who won't run away.

 




 



12AM
And her mind wanders.
She tends to think about 
Something that happened
5 years ago, or something
That happened 2 hours ago,
Or something that could
Happen 10 years from now.
Her mind is like a hurricane,
It's a wreck.
It's full of beautiful yet
Awful thoughts.
It's 1AM and her mind
Continues to wander.


 





Mom & Dad. I don't do drugs. I don't smoke.
I don't party. I don't stay out till 3 AM' on a weekday.
I don't skip class, but I don't make you proud either. You're
always nagging at me because I'm not focused, because
I'm chatting to a friend while completing homework. I'm
not perfect, there's kids worse than me. Why can't you see
that? I'm mad at myself for displeasing you. I'm sorry.




 






Please don't make me trust you if you just plan on leaving





 




I don't think people love me.
They love versions of me I have spun for them,
versions of me they have contructed in their minds.
The easy versions of me,
the easy parts of me to love.
Who's going to love the girl that can't stop crying?
The girl that hurts herself?
The girl that is loosing control?
The girl that is so sad she can't get out of bed?
The girl that keeps pushing everyone away?
Who's going to love the monster in me,
who's going to love me now?




 


So the other day I was at the mall with my friend.
So we were walking around the mall and this guy yells, 
"Hey I like your hair! I'm reall diggin' it!"
I smiled and yelled, "Thanks!" and I figured that's the end.
Then he goes, "Your cute too!"
I would thought this was such a big deal if it wasn't for the fact that I was wearing no make up,
looked like garbage, and my hair wasn't done or anything.
I can't stop thinking about that because... getting called anything like that doesn't happen for me.
It just kind of made my day better.


 


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