I just wanted you to kiss me.
I wanted us,
I wanted to be held and kissed and loved,
why couldn't you love me?
I looked at you like you were my world,
but you were looking somewhere else.
Every contact I had to make, every kiss was chaste and
stupid.
Why couldn't you hold my hand?
Or even hug me once in a while?
Walk me to class?
Talk to me during the day?
Send me cute texts or something?
No.
You couldn't.
I would've ripped out my own heart for you,
but you did that instead,
stomping on the already broken pieces.
I always knew I wasn't good enough for you.
I know that now, too.
I was always trying to make myself good enough for you too.
I'd burnt my hair in an attempt to curl it,
make it better.
Jabbed at my eyes with dark liners,
to look better.
Bought new clothes,
tried to accentuate assets I didn't and don't have.
I got into a sport I knew nothing about,
but now love.
I woke up earlier,
and stayed up later,
and sometimes dreamt about you.
I knew there were rumors, too.
I never wanted to believe them though.
I didn't even want to listen to them,
but of course the whispers got to me,
and eventually, you.
But I always knew she was better.
I know that.
She had real assets,
and long, dark hair.
You knew her longer than I ever had,
and her dark eyes always followed you.
Your eyes followed her too.
And I knew that.
I know that.
So it's okay that my hearts broken,
in time it will heal.
But the love that I had for you?
The love that you couldn't return?
I'm not so sure.
It's still there,
but it's damaged.
The worst part,
is that when I said I loved you.
And you said it back.
Those words are a promise.
One that you broke.