CookieMonsterSwag

When I have kids...
I'm gonna show them the movie 2012
And tell them I survived that.

Like a boss

Boy: Whats that smell?

Me: My lipgloss.

Boy: Can I try it?

Me: Sure! *puckers lips*

Boy: *takes hands and smears them across my lips, then puts them on himself*

Boy: :D

Me: -__-

Me: *Acsidentally breaks glass*
Mom: GO TO YOUR ROOM!
Me: But it was an acsident!
Mom: There are no such thing as acsidents.
Dad: Then why is our kid here?
Me:  .........
 

Me: I GAWT THE MOVES LIKE JAGGER!!
Bully: ....Weirdo
Me: YOU DONT GAWT DA MOVEZ LIKE JAGGER!
Bully: Ugh just shut up!
Me: (Immatates Justin Beiber) MAKE ME! MAKE ME! MAKE ME! OHHH YA!Bully: Haha you love Justin beiber! I'm telling everyone you loser!
Me:
Bully:
Me:
Bully:
Me: (Shows picture of bully and ugly person nobody likes kissing)
Bully: HOW THE F\CK DID YOU GET THAT!?!?
Me: If you tell ppl about ma J.B obsession, I show EVERYONE this pic.
Bully:
Me:
Bully:
Me:
Bully
Me:
Bully:
Me:
Bully: You win this time.

Harmione: My doctor said I cant have s3x because of my blood.
Harry: What did your dentist say?
Harmione: ......

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• click to see this quote •

Her: Shut the F*ck up.
Me:
Her:
Me: MEGA B*TCH SLAP!
Me: *Slaps across face*
Her: Oh no you didn't!
Me: Oh yes I did
Her:
Me:
Her:
Me:
Her BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
*Both of us burst out laughing*


The Main reason why I'm awesome.

Him: Will you go out with me?
Me: OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG YES YES YES OMG YESSS YES OMG YES!!
Him:
Me:
Him:
Me:
Him: oops, wrong person sorry.
Me:
Him
Me:
Him:
Me:
Him: (Logs off)
Me: F*CK

*Me and friend are reading comic books*
Bff: Who's your favorite hero?
Me: Santa clause
Bff: Your joking right?
Me: No
Bff:
Me:
Bff:
Me:
Bff: You do know santa is fake right?
Me:
Bff:
Me:
Bff:
Me: I don't want to live on this planet anymore.