DOGS ARE BETTER THAN SOME MEN BECAUSE.....
Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you're gone.
Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
Dogs don't criticize your friends.
Dogs admit when they're jealous.
Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
Dogs do not play games with you--except Frisbee (and they never
laugh at how you throw).
Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
You can train a dog.
Dogs are easy to buy for.
You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas.
(OK. The *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies,
but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one
that gives it to you.)
Dogs understand what no means.
Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a
younger owner.
Dogs admit it when they're lost.
Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about
those long and boring conference calls? Monotone voices burbling
on and on like a creek for hours on end, forcing you to look for
the nearest sharp object or length of wire to end it all.
Here's a way to change all of that...
1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar, or conference
call, prepare yourself by drawing a square. I find that
5"x5" is a good size. Divide the card into columns-five
across and five down. That will give you 25 one-inch
blocks.
2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:
synergy
strategic fit
core competencies
best practice
bottom line
revisit
take that off-line
24/7
out of the loop
benchmark
value-added
proactive
win-win
think outside the box
fast track
result-driven
empower
knowledge base
solution
touch base
mindset
client focus
paradigm
game plan
leverage
3. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.
4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or
diagonally, stand up and shout "BULLSHIT!"
Testimonials from satisfied "Bullshit Bingo" players:
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack
Schitt?
We find ourselves at a loss when someone says,
'You don't know Jack Schitt!'
Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts,
you can now respond in an intellectual way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.
Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt,
the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc.
They had one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt.
The deeply religious couple produced six children:
Holie Schitt,
Giva Schitt,
Fulla Schitt,
Bull Schitt,
and the twins
Deep Schitt
and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents' objections,
Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt,
a high school dropout.
After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock,
and because her kids were living with them,
she wanted to keep her previous name.
She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt,
and they produced a son
with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.
Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt,
were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married
the
Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the
Schitt-Happens nuptials.
The Schitt-Happens children were
Dawg,
Byrd,
and Horse.
Bull Schitt,
the prodigal son,
left home to tour the world.
He recently returned from Italy
with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now when someone says,
'You don't know Jack Schitt,'
you can correct them.
Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt