Every day is a battle; to get up,
to stop crying, to eat, to do any basic activity. I fight to
just keep moving forward, but I keep falling farther and
farther into depression. I have to physically fight myself and
stop myself from cutting away the pain, and I don't know
how long it will be until I have drained my body of it all. I
wrap myself in the blanket you gave me because it is all I have
that reminds me of how it felt to be held by you.
I have to fight every day to not
break down and beg you to come back, I know that it would make
me look pathetic but I am desperate for YOUR love and affection
that I am crazy enough to try. I am only holding back because I
know that you like someone else and I dare not interrupt or
intrude on your happiness. I want to fight for you but I
can't because it would hurt you.
And so... I am forced to silence
myself... not to scream as the dagger kisses my skin or as red
tears splash onto the ivory floor... I am alone now... my soul
is frozen, my heart torn to shreds...
and you... my paradise... are out of my reach forever.