Depression

I am here, and you are there.
Ten thousand miles is an awfully long way to walk or drive or swim or sail. But it's not too far to dream. In the dead of night, the expanses shrink to nothingness and I find you right beside me. I sail towards the horizon and there our worlds collide.

I tried to follow the past as it pulled away from me,
but I knew I was chasing something that couldn't be caught. All I could think of was how much I wanted to relive moments that had long since gone. 

Have you ever been in love?
Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor so that [ [ n o t h i n g ] ] can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. [ [ Love takes hostages. ] ] It gets inside you. It eats you out and leave you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like "maybe we should just be friends" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.


nmq

It feels as thought I've felt this way forever.
The same emotions running in a tiresome loop. The same words played and replayed, until they've lost all meaning.

I know a part of you will never forgive me.

I don't know how big that part is; all I know is that it's big enough to make you willing to throw everything away.

When you look at someone and realize 

you don't know who they are anymore.

When you have a [ [ m i l l i o n ] ] and one thoughts racing around your head but you don't know where to start. There are so many things you want and need to say but all you can do is choke and stand there stiff. The words don't come out but the tears do. And then you watch him walk away as you try to get the courage to stop him. But you just 
[ [ l e t    h i m    go ]].

Maybe one day I'll meet someone like you again.
Someone who can make me laugh until I can't breathe and my stomach hurts. Someone who doesn't need me to talk all the time because there aren't any awkward silences. Someone who has my back and accepts my quirks. Someone I can talk to about anything. But even then, I don't think it'll feel the same.

We were wonderful to each other, 
but awful for each other. I guess that, no matter how much I wanted it to last, it wasn't meant to be. Wanting someone doesn't change the fact that they're wrong for you.

I fell asleep


to the sound of your voice; you were singing so softly, only you and I could hear the words. I remember wishing that you'd stay this time, but I knew better. Even though I tried not to expect anything, I still got disappointed.