Jodi ♥*

You have moments where you think you're over it, and then you have moments where you cry on the bathroom floor wondering why you weren't good enough. 

"You get bored easily", that's what they say.

To them, I move on too easily, I put the phone down too fast, ignored the texts, reject the calls and move on to the next guy so simply.
To them, I treat guys like they are the flavor of the week.

To them, I am the girl who leaves. 

But, I was the girl who stayed. 

I was the girl who stayed even when things get rough.
I was the girl who stayed even when the texts got lesser, the calls short and rough, and the date nights no longer existent.
I was the girl who stayed even if I was treated badly.
I was the girl who stayed even when she knew she had a choice to leave.

But, I became the girl who leaves.

I became the girl who could care less the hearts she left behind.
I became the one guy's text constantly, trying to make planes, and I dismiss them, one by one.
I became the girl who doesn't give a second thought to their feelings, rejecting them and leaving them.
I became the girl who leaves

I wasn't always that kind of girl.

I used to be the girl who constantly gives second chances even when they don't deserve it. 
I used to be the girl who will take the guy back if he would only just apologize.
I used to be the girl who let her guard down so easily that anyone could come in, say a few sweet words and have my heart handed over to them.

I used to be that girl. 

I used to have my heart on my sleeve all the time, putting in so much time and effort into every relationship even though it was not reciprocated. 
I constantly held on to faith and hope, trusting that things will somehow work itself out and I will have my happily ever after.

But, Things don't always happen that way.

With every heartbreak, I began to realize what I want, and what I deserve.
With every piece of my heart taken and thrown away, I began to build a wall around the pieces left to protect myself. 
Guard myself with walls so high no one can get around it.
Locked my heart and throw the keys far away.
I began to trust people less and was so sure that everyone who enters my life will eventually leave, so I became the girl who leaves.
And, so I became the girl who leaves, before I am left.

But, I hope that someday I'll meet someone who will make me stay, this time, with him. 

Sometimes I regret being nice,
apologizing when I didn't do anything wrong,
and making unworthy people a priority in my life.

I don't want easy,
I want crazy.

Dear Crush,
            It was the first day of high school. I just moved to this town and I didn't know anyone. I walked into my 2nd hour Science class and found my assigned seat. I sat there awkwardly because I'm so shy. Then, you walked in. You saw me and smiled. You're seat was directly infront of mine and you started talking to me. Not only talking but also making me talk back. You have no idea how much that helped me. I felt like I had a friend. A couple weeks later you brought me candy. You always joked around with me that you wanted me to bring you cereal because you never ate breakfast, so one day I did.
           We started talking less and less until finally it just stopped. We were nice to eachother but we didnt go out of our way for one another.
           And then, at the beginning of November, you started talking to my sister. You told me that you liked her, but that you knew you didn't have a chance because you were a freshman and she was a senior. We talked on the phone for hours on end almost every night, and the nights we didn't, we skyped. We made ridiculous faces at eachother, and you saw my worst side. You saw me when I was happy, mad, and upset. You were there for me during all of it. You tried to get me to go to school without makeup on, because you said I looked pretty like that.
          The day before christmas eve we were talking on the phone. I was with my best friend megan, visiting her family. We were staying at a hotel. That night you told me that you liked me. I didn't believe you because we always talked about my sister. I remember you giving the phone to your best friend. His exact words were, "Really, you don't see it? You guys talk or skype all the time, and when you're not, you're texting.He always talks about you and smiles when your talking. It's obvious he likes you, and if you don't see it you're blind."
          I went to your house and we went sledding with your two best friends that friday. We were sitting on the couch and you were singing to me that night. It wasn't until then when I realized just how much i liked you. We kept talking and I just kept liking you more. And then, last thursday, it stopped.
          You barely replied to my texts and when you did they were short, one word answers. I still don't know what I did. I'm so confused. I cry myself to sleep most nights because I just wish it was back to normal. I tell myself that its over and that I have no reason to be upset because we weren't actually dating, but I still can't bring myself to believe that it's done.
         I miss you. So much.

<3Jodi

I got this text at 11:11 last night...

And the thing is...
He meant it<3

The one text I never thought I'd get...

 I woke up and saw...
Looks like I finally found him, girls<3