EmmyLou

Rescent events have ghosts from my past resurfacing. We were good friends, so I let him in. Now I'm wondering if the  past should remain in the past. I mean its called the past for a reason. Or is this ghost what I need to break the cycle I've been in. Like I said, we were friends... He was the first guy to ever ask me out, and if I understand him right he still does. He dated my best friend back then, thats why I turned down his offer, I wasn't gonna be the reason they broke up. Now hes single and my friend is engaged to another guy that makes her happy. I'm scared to even consider it. What if it works out? Hes gonna be in the military, I'll be at school.. He doesn't even live here right now, he moved freshman year. What if it doesn't work out? It would ruin our friendship, things would never be the same. What if its only physical, like all my other relationships here lately... Thats what scares me most, is that he calls me beautiful, smart, and funny, and the only thing I'd ever be good enough for was a good time. All this makes me wonder if I should stop chasing ghosts from my past and start trying to find someone for my future...
Thanx for reading, I'm so confused I don't know what to do anymore.
~Emmy 

Why is my Witty chat not coming up? O.o did it abandon me?!?!?! 

"So we’ve been outnumbered
Raided and now cornered
It’s hard to fight when the fight ain’t fair
We’re getting stronger now
Find things they never found
They might be bigger
But we’re faster and never scared
You can walk away, say we don’t need this
But there’s something in your eyes
Says we can beat this"

~Taylor Swift - Change 

Legally I am an adult. It's time for you to let go and let me be one. Stop trying to control me, get over it. I'm not 2 years old anymore I don't need to be taken care of. 
~Emmy 

There are moments in life that make you realize that the only person who will ever be there for you is you. Today is one of thoes days. Hes with his sister, and I cant fall apart with anyone else. Im scared to fall with anyone else. He can make everything ok again, he can pick up the pieces of my fragile world and make it spin again. He out of reach, but hes the only thing that I want. I hate to say this, but I guess they are right. I love him. Have for awhile and more than likely always will. To bad these feelings only go one way... He doesn't love me, and more than likely never will. Im always gonna be the girl whos good, but not good enough. Im his backup when hes between relationships. I cant keep living like this, I wish there was some way to make everything better... Make him at least give us a try. Thats to much to hope for. I leave in August. I'll put another 300 miles between us. Maybe then, I can forget him and move on. Thats something so much easier said than done. 
~Emmy 

 You think that you know me, but you dont. I've hiden my self from you for years. Why do you think that you know me?  You dont know a damn thing thats important. You dont know who ive been with or where ive been. You dont know why i act the way i do. Hmmm, wonder why you dont know. You are judgmental and i cant tell you anything without a lecture on how awful or selfish or stupid i am or my choices are. Im sick and tired of being treated like a child by you. You dont know who i am, or what i think. I keep it all inside so it doesnt hurt you. Because, if you knew the real me... You would hate me and yourself.... The real me would just cause you pain, so ill keep it to myself, just like i have for years. 
~Emmy 

Tired of being lied to, tired of being hurt. Maybe everything would be better if I was a jerk like everyone else... Maybe I should go back to being a witch... Life was easier then...