Fill_that_empty_gap
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Dear Dana, I miss you..
Joined: August 13, 2013
Last Seen: 1 decade
user id: 368911
Location: Society
Gender: F
Joined: August 13, 2013
Last Seen: 1 decade
user id: 368911
Location: Society
Gender: F
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Dear Dana,
I havn't forgotten about you
Someday when you come back... you won't have missed anything because it'll all be here<3
Quotes by Fill_that_empty_gap
Dear Dana,
Reading back on my old letters to you, I have realised so much, but to sum ithit all up in three words Life Goes On. There are always going to be problems, but theres always going to be amazing things too. We truly are prisoners of our own mind. Everything is in our head, we see what we wish to see. There is beauty in everything and everyone, the beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Looking back, everything changes so much, so fast. You never know what's going to happen next, however whatever does happen is only what you allow. Try to have an open mind about things, because then you see more clearly. Just remeber that sometimes bad things will happen but you just got to give up the good for the great. I love you so much and I'm truly sorry for everything.
- xoxo your sister
Reading back on my old letters to you, I have realised so much, but to sum ithit all up in three words Life Goes On. There are always going to be problems, but theres always going to be amazing things too. We truly are prisoners of our own mind. Everything is in our head, we see what we wish to see. There is beauty in everything and everyone, the beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Looking back, everything changes so much, so fast. You never know what's going to happen next, however whatever does happen is only what you allow. Try to have an open mind about things, because then you see more clearly. Just remeber that sometimes bad things will happen but you just got to give up the good for the great. I love you so much and I'm truly sorry for everything.
- xoxo your sister
Dear Dana,
He's the reason I wake up in the morning, he's the reason I keep moving forward, he's the reason I smile..he's the reason I havn't given up yet. & it's scary because I'm realizing that I might lose all this. I might lose him, but the scariest part is that all the memories will stay. He might cut me out forever, but i'll never forget. And it'll haunt me to the day I die. His smile, the way his stubble rubs on my face when we kiss, the big warm hugs he gives, the way his perfect body presses against mine, how silly he is, the way he makes me smile and laugh, his beautiful eyes, how I can be myself around him, the way he makes me love him so unconditionally, how much I know he loves me.. honestly I could write a whole novel; it'll all be in my mind forever, taunting me for the mistake I made. I swear I'm going to die alone, I know this sounds desprite but I won't be with anyone other than him. He's a light in my dark, dark world.. a needle in a haystack, and he can't be replaced. The distance beteween me and him is already hurting me enough, but if he's actually gone..
I don't know what I'll do.
There's nothing I can do, just wait for him to come back, beg for him and seem desprite, live the rest of my sad life alone...
I just can't even put into words what I'm trying to say here, words can't discribe him because he's too good for them, & I can't lose that. There's not much else I can say, but I love you and I hope your with the love of your life, and I hope you don't mess it up.
- xoxo your sister
He's the reason I wake up in the morning, he's the reason I keep moving forward, he's the reason I smile..he's the reason I havn't given up yet. & it's scary because I'm realizing that I might lose all this. I might lose him, but the scariest part is that all the memories will stay. He might cut me out forever, but i'll never forget. And it'll haunt me to the day I die. His smile, the way his stubble rubs on my face when we kiss, the big warm hugs he gives, the way his perfect body presses against mine, how silly he is, the way he makes me smile and laugh, his beautiful eyes, how I can be myself around him, the way he makes me love him so unconditionally, how much I know he loves me.. honestly I could write a whole novel; it'll all be in my mind forever, taunting me for the mistake I made. I swear I'm going to die alone, I know this sounds desprite but I won't be with anyone other than him. He's a light in my dark, dark world.. a needle in a haystack, and he can't be replaced. The distance beteween me and him is already hurting me enough, but if he's actually gone..
I don't know what I'll do.
There's nothing I can do, just wait for him to come back, beg for him and seem desprite, live the rest of my sad life alone...
I just can't even put into words what I'm trying to say here, words can't discribe him because he's too good for them, & I can't lose that. There's not much else I can say, but I love you and I hope your with the love of your life, and I hope you don't mess it up.
- xoxo your sister
Dear Dana,
That happy feeling didn't last for long, my day at school was pretty good until I got a text. Asking if another rumor was true. I thought all of that was over, but it's not.. it never will be. The past will follow us wherever we go and define us. I guess it is a good thing because it'll only make me stronger, and it has.. things that people say that would of knocked me down.. don't anymore. But I'm still so filled with rage. 'him' s ex got everything.. I got nothing. She got the popularity, the looks, the friends, and now she even has 'him' AGAIN. She even managed to reach her goal.. taking 'him' away from me, and ruining me. Rumors are still going around about me.. even though I changed schools and I thought it was done six months ago. & the worst part is knowing that it was all for nothing because she got him in the end anyway. Everything I went through, the rumors, the looks, the names, the people judging, the harassement.. all for nothing. I didn't even do anything.. 'him' went for me, I liked him so I gave him a chance. Next thing you know his crazy ex is spreading rumors faster than a fat man chasing a burger. All for NOTHING. She didn't and still doesn't want to date him, she likes someone else but he still loves her.. after all that. I was just used and torn and ruined and it will never be done. She won. I just want to know one thing.. WHY. Why did I have to go through all this bullying and harassement, she doesn't even want him and she still did it! & I didn't even get him in the end. I think that's the only thing that can make all this end inside me. The anwser to that question that's taunting me. WHY WHY WHY. It's going to follow me until I know. I need to find out.. to bring peace to my soul at last. So I can move on, and live a better live. P.s sorry for all this rageing i'm just really mad haha!
- xoxo your sister
That happy feeling didn't last for long, my day at school was pretty good until I got a text. Asking if another rumor was true. I thought all of that was over, but it's not.. it never will be. The past will follow us wherever we go and define us. I guess it is a good thing because it'll only make me stronger, and it has.. things that people say that would of knocked me down.. don't anymore. But I'm still so filled with rage. 'him' s ex got everything.. I got nothing. She got the popularity, the looks, the friends, and now she even has 'him' AGAIN. She even managed to reach her goal.. taking 'him' away from me, and ruining me. Rumors are still going around about me.. even though I changed schools and I thought it was done six months ago. & the worst part is knowing that it was all for nothing because she got him in the end anyway. Everything I went through, the rumors, the looks, the names, the people judging, the harassement.. all for nothing. I didn't even do anything.. 'him' went for me, I liked him so I gave him a chance. Next thing you know his crazy ex is spreading rumors faster than a fat man chasing a burger. All for NOTHING. She didn't and still doesn't want to date him, she likes someone else but he still loves her.. after all that. I was just used and torn and ruined and it will never be done. She won. I just want to know one thing.. WHY. Why did I have to go through all this bullying and harassement, she doesn't even want him and she still did it! & I didn't even get him in the end. I think that's the only thing that can make all this end inside me. The anwser to that question that's taunting me. WHY WHY WHY. It's going to follow me until I know. I need to find out.. to bring peace to my soul at last. So I can move on, and live a better live. P.s sorry for all this rageing i'm just really mad haha!
- xoxo your sister
Dear Dana,
Today went pretty good today, I know yesturday I was feeling pretty upset. But I think things are finally falling together, after waiting my whole like for them too. I'm just scared that they will fall apart again, it only takes one small thing for it all to fall apart. I'm so used to having not too much to lose, but now I have so much to lose and I'm scared of losing it. I'm kind of anxious and scared because I know this perfection of life isn't going to last... nothing good ever lasts! & It's kind of stressful keeping this up, good grades, good rep, staying out of trouble, loving relationship, friendship, popularity.. it can be tiring but I'm happy and it's worth it. Hopefully I'm finally heading in the right path :) I love you so much, & I hope your heading in the right path too!!
- xoxo your sister
Today went pretty good today, I know yesturday I was feeling pretty upset. But I think things are finally falling together, after waiting my whole like for them too. I'm just scared that they will fall apart again, it only takes one small thing for it all to fall apart. I'm so used to having not too much to lose, but now I have so much to lose and I'm scared of losing it. I'm kind of anxious and scared because I know this perfection of life isn't going to last... nothing good ever lasts! & It's kind of stressful keeping this up, good grades, good rep, staying out of trouble, loving relationship, friendship, popularity.. it can be tiring but I'm happy and it's worth it. Hopefully I'm finally heading in the right path :) I love you so much, & I hope your heading in the right path too!!
- xoxo your sister
Dear Dana,
I'm sorry I havn't written you for a while again. I've just been busy with school starting. I'm not sure why, but I'm feeling really upset and anxious. It could be because I miss you, or because I miss my bestfriend, or because 'him' has left my life again, or because my boyfriends probably moving, or because I'm sick of loosing people, or maybe just because school's tomorrow. But whatever it is, I want it to stop because I feel horrible. I've been having this feeling alot lately, since school's started. I'm at a completly new school and I don't know anyone. I miss the summer, to be honest... spending everyday with my bestfriend, I don't feel empty when I'm with her. & I miss not having so many limits, not having to make time for homework, and go to bed on time, and limit the fun to prepare for school. The way I see it, you really only do live once and I entend on living it instead of just working the whole time. Because when you think about it, you spend five out of seven days at school, and then you only get two out of twelve months off, then after you graduate you have college or university for four years so it's the same thing again and then it gets worse because you have to work, and you don't get two months off. So basically most people spend most of there lives working, and that's pretty depressing. Maybe that's whats making me upset, or maybe it's because my bestfriend moved. She filled every missing gap in my heart, of a family, a bestfriend, someone to unconditionally love me. I never have to write to you when I'm with her because I don't feel the need to, I tell her everything and I don't feel so alone. Anyway I hope your having a good first week of school, I love you so much <3
- xoxo your sister
I'm sorry I havn't written you for a while again. I've just been busy with school starting. I'm not sure why, but I'm feeling really upset and anxious. It could be because I miss you, or because I miss my bestfriend, or because 'him' has left my life again, or because my boyfriends probably moving, or because I'm sick of loosing people, or maybe just because school's tomorrow. But whatever it is, I want it to stop because I feel horrible. I've been having this feeling alot lately, since school's started. I'm at a completly new school and I don't know anyone. I miss the summer, to be honest... spending everyday with my bestfriend, I don't feel empty when I'm with her. & I miss not having so many limits, not having to make time for homework, and go to bed on time, and limit the fun to prepare for school. The way I see it, you really only do live once and I entend on living it instead of just working the whole time. Because when you think about it, you spend five out of seven days at school, and then you only get two out of twelve months off, then after you graduate you have college or university for four years so it's the same thing again and then it gets worse because you have to work, and you don't get two months off. So basically most people spend most of there lives working, and that's pretty depressing. Maybe that's whats making me upset, or maybe it's because my bestfriend moved. She filled every missing gap in my heart, of a family, a bestfriend, someone to unconditionally love me. I never have to write to you when I'm with her because I don't feel the need to, I tell her everything and I don't feel so alone. Anyway I hope your having a good first week of school, I love you so much <3
- xoxo your sister
Dear Dana,
I'm kind of scared to go to sleep. I'm afraid of the thoughts that are at the back of my mind. The past. It's haunting me. The scary thoughts won't leave my mind no matter what I do. I used to have this problem during school, so I barely slept and that probably was one of the reasons why I failed this year. During the summer though everythings been pretty good, not too much stress (other than with my boyfriend, who I feel guilty everyday for even seeing him because my mom doesn't exactly aprove, and he reminds me of our father and that scares me.. alot. But I'm listening to our song right now "forever and always" and it makes me realize how greatful I am to have him because he loves me so much, and he does treat me pretty good. Most girls don't even have boyfriends) anyway enough sleep, not too many bad thoughts.. but it's all coming back now and I don't know why! I hope it's not like this all year because I do NOT want to go through that again. I just want to be happy, is that too much to ask? One good thing about sleep though is sometimes I get to see you in my dreams <3 I love you sissy :*
- xoxo your sister
I'm kind of scared to go to sleep. I'm afraid of the thoughts that are at the back of my mind. The past. It's haunting me. The scary thoughts won't leave my mind no matter what I do. I used to have this problem during school, so I barely slept and that probably was one of the reasons why I failed this year. During the summer though everythings been pretty good, not too much stress (other than with my boyfriend, who I feel guilty everyday for even seeing him because my mom doesn't exactly aprove, and he reminds me of our father and that scares me.. alot. But I'm listening to our song right now "forever and always" and it makes me realize how greatful I am to have him because he loves me so much, and he does treat me pretty good. Most girls don't even have boyfriends) anyway enough sleep, not too many bad thoughts.. but it's all coming back now and I don't know why! I hope it's not like this all year because I do NOT want to go through that again. I just want to be happy, is that too much to ask? One good thing about sleep though is sometimes I get to see you in my dreams <3 I love you sissy :*
- xoxo your sister
Dear Dana,
I think I'm finally heading in the right path. Well not litterally I'm still lost, but my mind set. Embrassing the hard times, it sounds chessy but they seriously do make you stronger! Like right now, i've just been in a bad mood but I shouldn't be.. I have so many good things in my life. Even though there are plenty of bad things too, most of it is in my past.. it'll always affect me but it's done and I should just be greatful because it only made me stronger. I'm trying something new, where when I'm sad I close my eyes and think of a horrible time in my life, sometimes it's living with our father, or when I was being bullied at my old school, or when I was depressed and I keep my eyes close and just sit there until I get so scared that I cry. But when I open my eyes, I'm so much happier because it's done and over with. It makes me greatful that I have the life I have today, and that I have the choice to move on. Sometimes it's hard to just forget all those sad and scary memories, but you have to because if you don't they win. The sadness controles your life. & every minute you waste being sad or worying about the past is a minute of your life you could of been happy, and you will never get back. It's important to just move on, and instead of carying the hatred that you may have for someone else, let it go. Forget about them because you don't want to waste your life thinking about someone you don't even like! If they've made your life miserable they've already wasted so much time thinking about you, so don't go to their level. Show them that you're better.. the best revenge truly is sucess.
- xoxo your sister
I think I'm finally heading in the right path. Well not litterally I'm still lost, but my mind set. Embrassing the hard times, it sounds chessy but they seriously do make you stronger! Like right now, i've just been in a bad mood but I shouldn't be.. I have so many good things in my life. Even though there are plenty of bad things too, most of it is in my past.. it'll always affect me but it's done and I should just be greatful because it only made me stronger. I'm trying something new, where when I'm sad I close my eyes and think of a horrible time in my life, sometimes it's living with our father, or when I was being bullied at my old school, or when I was depressed and I keep my eyes close and just sit there until I get so scared that I cry. But when I open my eyes, I'm so much happier because it's done and over with. It makes me greatful that I have the life I have today, and that I have the choice to move on. Sometimes it's hard to just forget all those sad and scary memories, but you have to because if you don't they win. The sadness controles your life. & every minute you waste being sad or worying about the past is a minute of your life you could of been happy, and you will never get back. It's important to just move on, and instead of carying the hatred that you may have for someone else, let it go. Forget about them because you don't want to waste your life thinking about someone you don't even like! If they've made your life miserable they've already wasted so much time thinking about you, so don't go to their level. Show them that you're better.. the best revenge truly is sucess.
- xoxo your sister
Dear Dana,
Today has not been an easy day. Things from the past have just been coming back to haunt me. I don't like talking about it, but I'm going to tell you the story of this year, the worst year of my life. It all started when I became friends with my bestfriend. Her old friends we're not pleased that she had made a friend other than them. However I did try to make ammence with them because I just didn't want any drama. That didn't go so well with them though because then they just had more reason to make fun of me for making a foul out of myself. But the laughing and jokes about me slowly did turn into hatred. Eventually they were judging my every move and commenting on everything I did and talking about me constantly. Finally they messaged me, instead of behind my back and for some reason they had this twisted thought that I "stole" theyre friend! So I blocked them, but soon enough they got they're friends to message me, so as my blocked list got longer the people that hated me increased and increased. Finally I stopped caring about what they thought of me. But then came another problem. 'He' came along, the guy that I talk about in like every letter. He liked me, and he was just so cute and sweet and irresistable, & he just swooped into my life at the right time and saved me. I was finally happy but then his ex found out. She was also my ex bestfriend. And she was VERY angry and kind of obsessed. She kept texting me about it calling me all sorts of names I had been called a billion times before. Eventually I proved that I did nothing wrong by liking her ex boyfriend because me and her were'nt friends anymore. We hadn't talked in a year.. we were irrelavent in eachothers lives, and she broke up with him so if she didn't want him to be with anyone other than her.. she shouldn't of dumped him! And she had another boyfriend already! After I proved her wrong, I thought the whole thing was done. But when I got to school the next day everyone thought I was dating 'him.' I wasn't yet though, I had just started liking him. But as the days progressed, the intensity of the rumors did too, eventually it got to that I was sleeping with him. I asure you, I was not! And everytime I would ask someone where they heard that from.. they all anwsered with the same name.. his ex. All my 'friends' turned on me, even some I had been friends with since grade one. Other than my bestfriend. But I don't even blame them because everyone hated me so much that anyone who was with me got hated on too. It probably doesn't sound that bad, but it affected me so much. Everyone was calling me names and hating me.. I still don't know what I did! Things were all over the internet too, it got to the point where people I didn't even know existed we're judging me and talking about me non stop. Everyone had this big obsession with me, everyone judged everything I did, weither it was liking a boy or failing a test, or making a friend.. they acted like even me breathing was evil. It made me feel like I was just some big mistake and by living I was doing something wrong, I even got quite a few messages either full of hate or boys asking for things because of who they thought I was. None of them knew me but they all chose to judge and hate a person they don't know. Now i've transfered schools though, I thought it might just all go away and for most of the summer it did.. but it's always going to be in the back of my mind.. all the people that hate me.. and the hate I have towards her.. the one that started it all will always burn inside me. I'm hoping for a new and fresh start, but this whole year has made me so insecure that I'm just scared. I hope your doing okay though, I don't see how anyone could hate you, so I'm sure your doing better than me. This whole thing probably sounds so stupid and it probably doesn't seem like a big deal but I just can't shake this feeling that there must be something wrong with me if all these people hate me. Reruns people, even my mom saying there's something wrong with me keep playing in my head. I know what's right isn't always popular but sometimes it feels that way. At least you'll never give up on me though <3
- xoxo your sister
Today has not been an easy day. Things from the past have just been coming back to haunt me. I don't like talking about it, but I'm going to tell you the story of this year, the worst year of my life. It all started when I became friends with my bestfriend. Her old friends we're not pleased that she had made a friend other than them. However I did try to make ammence with them because I just didn't want any drama. That didn't go so well with them though because then they just had more reason to make fun of me for making a foul out of myself. But the laughing and jokes about me slowly did turn into hatred. Eventually they were judging my every move and commenting on everything I did and talking about me constantly. Finally they messaged me, instead of behind my back and for some reason they had this twisted thought that I "stole" theyre friend! So I blocked them, but soon enough they got they're friends to message me, so as my blocked list got longer the people that hated me increased and increased. Finally I stopped caring about what they thought of me. But then came another problem. 'He' came along, the guy that I talk about in like every letter. He liked me, and he was just so cute and sweet and irresistable, & he just swooped into my life at the right time and saved me. I was finally happy but then his ex found out. She was also my ex bestfriend. And she was VERY angry and kind of obsessed. She kept texting me about it calling me all sorts of names I had been called a billion times before. Eventually I proved that I did nothing wrong by liking her ex boyfriend because me and her were'nt friends anymore. We hadn't talked in a year.. we were irrelavent in eachothers lives, and she broke up with him so if she didn't want him to be with anyone other than her.. she shouldn't of dumped him! And she had another boyfriend already! After I proved her wrong, I thought the whole thing was done. But when I got to school the next day everyone thought I was dating 'him.' I wasn't yet though, I had just started liking him. But as the days progressed, the intensity of the rumors did too, eventually it got to that I was sleeping with him. I asure you, I was not! And everytime I would ask someone where they heard that from.. they all anwsered with the same name.. his ex. All my 'friends' turned on me, even some I had been friends with since grade one. Other than my bestfriend. But I don't even blame them because everyone hated me so much that anyone who was with me got hated on too. It probably doesn't sound that bad, but it affected me so much. Everyone was calling me names and hating me.. I still don't know what I did! Things were all over the internet too, it got to the point where people I didn't even know existed we're judging me and talking about me non stop. Everyone had this big obsession with me, everyone judged everything I did, weither it was liking a boy or failing a test, or making a friend.. they acted like even me breathing was evil. It made me feel like I was just some big mistake and by living I was doing something wrong, I even got quite a few messages either full of hate or boys asking for things because of who they thought I was. None of them knew me but they all chose to judge and hate a person they don't know. Now i've transfered schools though, I thought it might just all go away and for most of the summer it did.. but it's always going to be in the back of my mind.. all the people that hate me.. and the hate I have towards her.. the one that started it all will always burn inside me. I'm hoping for a new and fresh start, but this whole year has made me so insecure that I'm just scared. I hope your doing okay though, I don't see how anyone could hate you, so I'm sure your doing better than me. This whole thing probably sounds so stupid and it probably doesn't seem like a big deal but I just can't shake this feeling that there must be something wrong with me if all these people hate me. Reruns people, even my mom saying there's something wrong with me keep playing in my head. I know what's right isn't always popular but sometimes it feels that way. At least you'll never give up on me though <3
- xoxo your sister
Dear Dana,
This is the fourth time i've had to write this letter because it keeps getting erased for some reason. Anyway it went something like this, "Dear Dana, It's getting late, and it's getting dark and I'm feeling more alone than ever. My moms at her boyfriends house but my boyfriends just downstairs. However I feel more alone than I would if he wasn't here. I think I'm going to have to break up with him because he reminds me of our father too much. They're alike in so many ways. He's controling just like him, he expects me to be his doll to just do what he wants when he wants without having a say in it or an opinion. Kind of the way our dad was like to our mom. He's got a temper like him too, he's almost always mad at me for something.. most of the time he's mad at me for talking to another boy, nothing bad or anything just a normal conversation. He's filled with so much jealousy, like our father. & the way he's murphyless.. he killed a bunny! To be able to look at a living creature, see the pain in its eyes and just take everything away from it, is pretty disgusting. He even told me that there's nothing wrong with beating children and he wouldn't have a problem hitting a girl. That's pure symptoms of turning out just like our father. & I really don't want a repeat of that, & I don't want my kids to ever experience something like that either. But it would be so hard to break up with him, firstly because he scares me a bit so I don't know what he'd so, second because maybe it's all in my head and he's not like our father then I spend the rest of my life thinking "what if", and lastly because he's one of my bestfriends, and he's really all I have right now, and I'm so attached to him.. it would be so hard to loose him. I hope your having a great night, because mine sucks." Anyway I'm sorry I havn't written you in a few days, i've been trying to ignore my emotions.. hoping they'd go away but they just build up at the back of my mind. & my internets been messed up so it's been hard to get on witty. I love you so much, and I miss you.
- xoxo your sister
This is the fourth time i've had to write this letter because it keeps getting erased for some reason. Anyway it went something like this, "Dear Dana, It's getting late, and it's getting dark and I'm feeling more alone than ever. My moms at her boyfriends house but my boyfriends just downstairs. However I feel more alone than I would if he wasn't here. I think I'm going to have to break up with him because he reminds me of our father too much. They're alike in so many ways. He's controling just like him, he expects me to be his doll to just do what he wants when he wants without having a say in it or an opinion. Kind of the way our dad was like to our mom. He's got a temper like him too, he's almost always mad at me for something.. most of the time he's mad at me for talking to another boy, nothing bad or anything just a normal conversation. He's filled with so much jealousy, like our father. & the way he's murphyless.. he killed a bunny! To be able to look at a living creature, see the pain in its eyes and just take everything away from it, is pretty disgusting. He even told me that there's nothing wrong with beating children and he wouldn't have a problem hitting a girl. That's pure symptoms of turning out just like our father. & I really don't want a repeat of that, & I don't want my kids to ever experience something like that either. But it would be so hard to break up with him, firstly because he scares me a bit so I don't know what he'd so, second because maybe it's all in my head and he's not like our father then I spend the rest of my life thinking "what if", and lastly because he's one of my bestfriends, and he's really all I have right now, and I'm so attached to him.. it would be so hard to loose him. I hope your having a great night, because mine sucks." Anyway I'm sorry I havn't written you in a few days, i've been trying to ignore my emotions.. hoping they'd go away but they just build up at the back of my mind. & my internets been messed up so it's been hard to get on witty. I love you so much, and I miss you.
- xoxo your sister