Finally_

I honestly do not care who the heck sees this. I don't care if everyone I know sees it, or if no one does. It doesn't matter. I just have to get this all out in some way.

Today, Octobor 30, 2012, I found out my family and I are moving. To Arkansas. From Connecticut. I know people move everyday and people are dying right now but I can't wrap my head around this. I feel like it's the end of the world and I literally can FEEL my heart breaking. I've lived here, in my house in the same town, for my whole life. I've made the best friends ever that I love so much, and I don't  know what I will do without them. I've grown up here, and I can't just pick up everything and leave the one place that will always be home. I just want this to be a terrible nightmare that I can wake up to and say "Phew, that's over." But it's not. I can't say that, and it kills me so incredibly much. I wish I could stay here, I wish I could finish high school here, I wish I didn't have to leave right now. Arkansas will NEVER be home to me, I will never say "Let's go home." No, when I come to visit CT I will say "Yes, we're going home." And I still have a year here but that's nothing compared to the time I will lose over the next 4 years. I just can't believe this is happening and would do anything to change it. I've created a beautiful life that I am so thankful for right here, and I don't know how my parents expect me to just leave it. Sure, it's a "great offer from the company" (my dad's job) but why do we have to go? Why can't they come here? I'll never understand it for as long as I live, and I wish someone would help me understand. I just don't want to leave everyone here; I love my town and everyone in it and will miss them so freaking much. It's so unfair I have to leave, and I'm already dreading the day I say goodbye.

This is a poem I'm writing for school. It's not done yet, but could I get some feedback on how it is?Thanks, I appreciate it. :)

The girl that’s smiling over there,
Acting like nothing’s wrong,
The one with the perfect hair,
Humming quietly to her favorite song.

Everyone may think she’s okay,
But how can you know for sure?
Hiding behind a smile, she says it’s the only way.
The names she’s being called, need a cure.

She’s scared to come to school,
Ugly, loser, freak,
Those kids are cruel.
Weird, worthless, geek.

Everyday she hears things,
Things that haunt her dreams.
Nobody knows the pain it brings.
Nobody knows the level of her self- esteem.

There needs to be a change,
But who will be brave enough to talk?
They’ll think, “No, I’ll be considered strange.”
They’ll think, “No, I’ll be mocked.”

^*_**_**
People
Always tell me
He's not worth it.
But they don't
Realize
that he's worth it
to me.

^*_****

Why do you keep doing this to me?
Why do you flirt with me, make sure
I'm okay, act like you like me? You lead
me on, then tell me you like someone else.
I hate how you get my hopes up, just to
shoot them right back where they started.
You called me beautiful, funny, & nice,
then ignore me.
All I want to know is, are you trying to hurt me over and over again?

you.
us.
what we used to have.