Hayleyylovesyou

Wow I've been gone for about 3 months and i've gotta say witty is not as fun now. 
      hate all you want but, whatever.

Lies you tell your self #3 :
I'm not smart

 Try: Figuring out what you can control. Nobody's good at everything but you can get smarter. Ask yourself -- "Have I gone to my teacher or parents for help?" When things are tough, think about your past successes for inspiration. What are some challenges you and your friends or family members have overcome?

Lies you tell your self :
Positive self-talk

  Think about something positive when you're feeling bad. If you do this long enough, you can change your brain for the better. Here's how to do it. Step 1: Realize when you put yourself down. Step 2: Actively say a positive message to yourself instead. Step 3: Repeat.

                                               
                                                                               Not exactly a lie just a tip. (:
 

Lies you tell your self # 2:
I'm Fat.

  First, there's more to you than how you look. Plus, we often believe negative thoughts without any proof. Worried you're overweight? Make an appointment with your doctor. You could also use a teen BMI (body mass index) calculator to get a better idea of where you stand. If your doctor let's you know you're in the overweight range, work together. You can come up with a plan to get healthier and feel better.

Lies you tell your self # 1:
I'm Not attractive.

 Try: Doing a reality check. Feel bad because of how perfect models and stars look? Remember, it's not real. Stylists and airbrushing help them look that way. Next, look at yourself. Find specific features that you like. Maybe you have great eyes or an incredible smile. Focus on the positives!

                                                           

 

Theres an episode of drake and josh on  
nickelodeon right now. YES!!!!
(:

Pretending.

chapter. 2

I woke up that morning anxious, nervous,and every other emotion out there, I was having second thoughts, But It was to late to back out now. I headed downstairs to find my mom passed out on the floor. Typical I thought as I woke her up.
"Mom?" I said. "Lets get off the floor and go to bed." she smelt terribly like beer.
"What?" she said getting up confused. then she turned around and went down the hall to her room. I grabbed an apple and a jacket before walking out of the door, well here goes I thought.
--------------
I pulled up to the school, and parked in my parking spot. I glanced in my review mirror at mysellf took a deep breath and got out of the car, when I entered the double doors of the school, it seemed like noone noticed at first, but then I heard whispering and pointing, and I knew they were talking about me. I entered my first period, and was ambushed with a hug by a girl I diden't know, "Oh my gosh Elise." she said looking at me with symphaty in her eyes. "You're so brave!" "I would have just let mine fall out!" another girl said. "I didn't even know that you like..had..cancer." a third girl said. I didn't say a word. If I didn't say it out loud then it wasn't techinecly lying right? "That's kind of a rude thing to ask alllie." The first girl said hitting allie on the arm. "I was just asking Alysa." she said punching her friend back playfully. They were staring at me I had to say something. "I have leukemia." I said shakingly.
"Not yet.." I said. "I have to go and sit down." I said "Okay talk to you later" Alysa said smiling. As i headed over to my seat I glanced over at Avery and tara.They were looking at me with a weird facial expression, I coulden't tell what they were thinking. The class went by pretty fast and when the bell rang, I hurried to leave. I got to my locker to get my history book for second period when someone came and stood beside me. "Hi Elise." A tall brown eyed handsome boy said. "I'm Nathan." He said smiling. "Um..Hi..How do you know my name?" I said as I ran my fingers through my hair. "Well You are the talk of the school! " He said laughing.
"Oh yeah" I said smirking. "So what do you want?" I asked staring into his gorgeous eyes. 
"I just want you to know if you ever need someone to talk to you can come to me" He said "I know what your going through my little sister has it..well had." I coulden't help but feel guilty.
"Oh I'm sorry.." I said. "It's Fine." He said, after a short pause he countinued. "Well, anyway I've gotta go see you soon Elise." He walked away. I headed to second period.
I saw that girl from yesterday flirting with tyler who was now in my seat, I shyly approached them. "Um, That's kinda my seat." They both looked up, as soon as they saw me tyler immediatly stood up. "Oh I'm so sorry." He said. "It's fine" I smiled, even though the guilt was practically eating me alive. The rest of the day was pretty normal except for the sympthathy stares, whispers, and every now and then people would come up and ask me questions about my "cancer" That I should know but coulden't answer. but, they diden't seem to notice. After school ended I got in my car and headed towards sonic to get me something to eat before I headed home. As I orderd my cheesesticks and large coke.
I got A text message:
Hey this is avery. I just was wondering if you wanted to hang out this weekend with me and allie and bethany? I know were not good friends but its always great meeting new people right? haha well let me know
I didn't respond right away. Is this really a good idea? I thought to myself.
Maybe, maybe not. I debated and after a while I wrote back.:
Sure haha.  
I went home and I could still feel the terrible knots of guilt in my stomach.
I finally got to my house and went straight to my room. Maybe this whole thing is not such a bad thing if you think about it, The guilt pain slowly washed away as I sipped my coke. It'll all be alright I thought. But I knew in the back of my head that that wasent true. I got off my bed and went to my closet to pick out an outfit for this friday, along with a beanie hat to cover my bare head.
--------------------------
Thanks for reading guys love yall!
BTW I might not be able to write for a week or two so I'm going to add a few chapters tommorow maybe, sorry as soon as i get back I'll continue writing



 

Pretending.

chapter. 1

I rubbed my hand on my bald head as I stared into the mirror. maybe this wasn't such a good idea, no ones going to believe me, I thought oh well it's too late now. I started picking up my black locks of hair of the ground and put them in a plastic sack and put them at the top of my closet.
I needed to get this off my mind so I headed downstairs to get something to eat.
----------
(Earlier that day)
I walked into the halls of AppleBerry high school. It was the first day back after spring break, and everyone seemed exhausted as they moped down the halls like ghosts.
I went straight to first period, I liked being the first one in there so noone could notice when I walked in. "Eww,theres Elise." I heard someone say as I turned around I saw my old best friends from elementary school, Avery and Tara. They glared at me when I looked at them, so I walked faster, and faster and found myself in the girls room and locked myself in a stall, The bell rang, for first period,I should stay here, I told myself. as I decided to put my long black hair into a braid.
I was in my stall a good 15 minutes, when I heard someone come in, I put my feet up so they couldn't see me.
"Yeah Tylers' so totally into you." I heard one girl say.
"Well, duhh." The other one said. "Hey I should start asking him to sit behind me in English!"
"doesn't that girl- um whats here name, Ele? No that's not it.. Elise! Sit behind you?" The other girl argued. "Umm I don't know I don't know who that is." Then I heard them walk out.
I started crying. Then, I told my self to stop and suck It up.
I looked at the time It was 9:26. Dang, I'm late for second period.
I got to my class. and entered noone looked up they just kept doing what they were doing.
I found the teacher.  "Oh, sorry I'm late Mr. Johnson I wa- "
He cut me off. "Your late?" he said confused "I could have sworn You were In here"
"Oh no I wasn't" I said a little hurt. "Sorry about that..Umm Celise? have a seat." He said
as if nothing was wrong. I couldn't hold back the tears, They started pouring out.
Everyone just stared at me. Haha what a crybaby someone said, soon everyone joined in on the name calling. I ran out to my car and cried, streams of mascara and tears ran down my face, I felt so alone, useless and stupid. I looked in the mirror at my hazel eyes and grabbed a makeup wipe out of my bag and wiped my makeup off. Then I drove home.
------------------
I zoned back In to the present when I heard the car door slam outside It was probably my mom and she was probably drunk. Realizing that she might notice my bald head I ran upstairs. I heard her from upstairs, she called my name, I didn't answer. I heard her walk to her room and shut the door. I decided that it was time for bed so I curled up under the covers and went to sleep wondering what everyone would think tomorrow.
------------
Ps if your reading this for the first time read the prolouge cuz it'll make more sense just letting ya know. love you guys. (:
 

Pretending.

(Prolouge)

Have you ever walked into a room and felt totally invisible? I mean like noone even glances at you, or acknowleges your existence and you actually feel like noone can see you? I have. everyday for 5 years.
 My so called best friends ditched me back in the sixth grade because I was weird and awkward. and my parents? Yeah right. My dad walked out on us when I was 4 and ever since then she's been an acoholic, She barely even remembers my name.  That's why I have to do this, I know, trust me I know its wrong on so many levels, never would i have thought that I would do this. But I just need someone to care about me even if it's a lie.
I finally picked up the shaver, and put it to my head.
I'm going to pretend to have cancer.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Guys i'm so sorry, I can't find a story that I can  really keep writing about, I'm gonna try to keep writing the other one, and this  one Thanks so much for reading 
love you guys. ♥
 

Secret letters

chapter. 1

I woke up to the annoying buzzing of my alarm clock.
Ugh. I had been dreading this day since June, The first day of school I was dreading it after everything that has happened over the past 2 months, But I had to be strong And put on my fake smile and make it through the day. 
I got dressed, Then headed downstairs to eat breakfast, My little brothers were already there fighting over the last bit of cereal . I grabbed a hot pocket and sat down at the table, 
"Madi!!" My little brother, Chris yelled. "Tell Austin to give me the cereal!"
""No!!!" Austin screamed. "Guys Chill!" I said loudly. I grabbed more cereal from the top of the fridge and handed it to them.
sometimes I wish I had a sister. I thought, I went upstairs to check on my mom She hasn't gotten up on time ever since dad died. "Mom?" I said shaking her to wake up. She opened her eyes and looked around confused. "I'm up!" She mumbled. "Okay." I'm off to school." "Bye."
♦♦

I pulled up to the new huge high school They built this summer. Okay I thought just 8 hours, 
I finished putting my lipgloss on and grabbed my purse, And headed to the building.
I entered and found my locker and started organizing It. I heard high heels walking down the halls. I knew who It was without even looking. My ex-best friend, Megan, She ditched me for the popular girls right after my dad died. I Flash backed to the funeral, Everyone was crying, I had never been to a funeral before that, and I never want to. Megan showed up, But, I could tell she wasn't the same. I was crying In the bathroom and she told me that I was kinda bumming her out, Then she left And we haven't spoken since.
She opened The locker next to mine, I refused to make eye contact. And she did too.
The rest of the day was uneventful until lunch. I sat down at an empty table, I grabbed my notebook and started writing while I bit into my apple, Suddenly a cute guy I had never seen before sat by me. 
"Hi!" He said cheerfully. "Um..Hi.." I said confused.
"I'm Liam" He said holding his hand out for me to shake. "I'm new and I saw you sitting here alone So I thought That I should say Hi." He smiled. "Oh well It's nice too meet you." I said. "I'm maddie" I said. He was kinda cute. I thought. But there was no way he could be interested to me.
"Oh I have to go!" I said looking at my watch. "See you tomorrow!" He said As I gathered my things I smiled, I headed to the trashcan to dispose of my garbage. Megans table was right in front of the garbage. As I walked past her table She stuck her leg out and tripped me. I was ready to fall flat on my face when someone caught me. I looked up and It was Stefan Summers. My crush since 7th grade. I was so embarrassed. I took off running until I got to my car. I started crying. So much for a good first day.
♦♦
I finally got home, fixed my little brothers breakfast, Then ran up to my room and curled up in a ball and grabbed the picture of my dad and held it to my chest and fell asleep. 
"Sweetie?" my mother said waking up me up. "Yeah?" I said Tucking the picture under my pillow.
"How was school?" She said looking concerned. "Great!" I said lieing. "Okay, I know you're lying but If you want to talk about It I'm here." she said about to leave before adding. "Dinners downstairs if you want to eat." She headed back downstairs. 
I guess i should start my homework I grabbed my purse and opened it to find a pretty blue envelope with a heart on it. What's this I thought? I carefully opened it. I read it:
I dreamed of a love
a love so true
and then from above
God sent you
When our eyes met
I turned away
Only to regret
That grateful day, I wish I could tell you how I feel In person but  I'm too shy.
XOX Secret love.

I had no Idea who it was from but It made my day and I had to find out who wrote it.

Sorry  I haven't wrote In forever. Let me know what you guys think!