Hellbound

Status: Uhhh... GO RAMS! YAY...
Joined: November 21, 2012
Last Seen: 1 decade
user id: 339471
Location: Gorham, Maine
Gender: F
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It's hard to swin
in a world so shallow
                                                                                                                                                Hey. It's me.



                                                                                                                             My name is Erica. I am 14 years young, and am currently lost in my own thinking.



                                                                                                                                  I'll just let the quotes do the talking until I feel like boring you about my life


                                                                                                                                         Even though my quotes are my life.
                                                                                                                                         :/


                                                                                                                                             \m/ (•-•) \m/
                                                                                                                                             ROCK ON!!

Quotes by Hellbound


"Mhearcan't possibly break, 

wheit wasn'evewholto start"





-nmf
 

Along for the ride

 It was going to a long ride

 

I watch out the window. 

 

Beautiful greens and yellows and reds all blurring together as we pass by.

 

 We seemed to be moving so fast.

 

 It took a while for my eyes to adjust. 

 

Thats what my life felt like. 

 

Not a car ride but... wait yes a car ride.

 

 Everything has been moving so fast that memory seemed to be morphing with dream.

 

 I feel like I’m sitting watching as my life flies before me.

 

 I know I can’t stop time.

   

 But you can stop a car ; )

 

 

 

 

Life is short, make the most of it.

 

 



                         Not ALONE

 


Theres a point in everyones lives where we ask ourselves, What the hell am I here for? 

Most haven’t reached that point and a lot never will. 

Like those whose lives are set up for them, before they were even born. 

Then there us, you and me. 

The people who have to find our own way. 

People whose live are unpredictable, something new around every corner.

Ya, I know it's not fair.

 We are the people who have to learn from our mistakes, and fix them. 

It’s so damn hard. 

But it’s what makes us who we are. US. 

Thats right just US. 

Not me, not her, not him, US.

 And when you ask yourself that question just remember.

 Your here for whatever you make that reason for.

 Your either the one who finds the cure for cancer or the one who was the cancer.

 Now I know that you can’t set yourself up for that kind of thing.

 But, it was a figure of speech, okay? 

I guess what I’m trying to say is, 

no matter what happens or what you choose to be.

No matter how hard the not is to see...

 

Your not alone

 

Holding Back


       I hold back the tears. I watch as they all surround her. Laughing at her jokes, staring at her beauty. Somedays I wish I knew why they all loved her and not me. Then I remember, Your the goodie-goodie. Not the bad A$$ girl you made up in your mind. Your not pretty, your not sexy, and your only funny when you trip up and act as if you did it on purpose. She tries to make me feel better by telling me ‘Oh no your so cute, and smart!’ I smile pretending to take in the compliment. I’ve always pretended. I pretend I don’t care, I pretend everyones my friend, I pretend I’m totally falling for him. Ah, forget that last part. Because I am falling for him. I try to tell myself, He’s not holding her hand, pretend he doesn’t put his hands there. But it’s always true, not your imagination. He’s a flirt, a people pleaser, a player. Call it what you will but he’s mine. LAUGHS. Are you kidding? Your just one of the puppets he has in his little collection. If one of them fails he moves on to the next one, telling her the same jokes the same puppy dog look in his eyes. I’ve learned not to fall for it. He tries to hold my hand, I push him away remembering where his hands had been all the hearts he broke. I don’t want to be another print on his hands.  He tries to look into my eyes, as if he actually cared. I beg myself not to look at him, somedays when I feel nothing I fake him. I look into them like we had something, but NOPE. Wrong again. I watch as my so called ‘BFFFL’ flirts with him. She talks to other people more than I see her in a day. 

I wish I wouldn’t trick myself. It always ends up b!tC# slapping me. I cry myself to sleep thinking the next day it will be better. and he will fall for me. I’m just done with trying to please everyone, I’ve quit planning everything I do thinking of every scenario in my head. I just pray that I don’t hate myself in the morning.

 

  There will be no more pain, I won’t feel any emotion.

 

    It is what it is


 

          When I look into his eyes I remember all the times we had. Good, bad, Everything. I remember when he loved me. Before he moved on. I don’t know why I can’t, I mean I’m the one who broke up with him in the first place. But I still do, no matter how I try to fight it, it comes back. I love everything about him I can’t find any faults that would make him less perfect. But, Like all great things I knew it would end. Everything in my life has ended. I used to have two loving parents, a home, best friends. Now I have non-stop fighting parents, a place that you could call home but doesn’t feel like one, and I had one friend until she moved, Far away. I feel like if I had him back I would have someone to hold, someone who would hold me, love me like he used to.

I remember. His eyes blue like shining glass on water. I repeat. But you can’t have them anymore, there not yours to love, there not yours to look at. I regret. That girl who took him, she didn’t know, and she’ll never know. All that she knows is that he’s under her spell, If she says jump then he jumps. He’s so blinded by her that it would take a miracle to have him notice me.  Of course we talk, we laugh, but it not the same deep feeling that used to be. I have those moment where, for a split second, where we our eyes meet and I feel what it was. But then he turns as if ashamed, ashamed to love me. 

At night I cry thinking what could be , and I could never let go, The closest thing that I can bring myself to is hiding it. I look at where I am now, sitting in a class room a million miles away thinking, It is, what it is.