Joined: May 25, 2012
Last Seen: 8 years
user id: 302618

so this is my other account... A lot of you guys know me but when I need to vent about cutting I can't do it on my other account cuz one of my BEST friends knows it... but I just don't want to tell her abt the cuts... I started cutting in March... during spring break... I don't do it hard... and there is hardly any blood yet it does sting which helps me think abt the stinging instead of some other things that haunt me... I cut with a paper cutter that you find on one of those sliding kind... I never said that I wanted too... Just one day I took off the sliding thing and I was looking at it and then the idea just popped into my head... I was REALLY mad at my family that day... I feel like a failure to my family... and I believe that I am an asham to the world... My mom once said to me "How am I suppose to trust you now... I use to boast abt you... I use to say how I can trust you and you won't lie to me... You were my best friend!"... She told me that in 2nd grade... And it still fukin haunts me!!! I cry every night thinking that I ashamed my family... She said that after I lied to them about just one simple lie abt if I used the phone to call someone... I can't stand to be yelled at... If I am I BURST into tears like a waterfall!... And I can't stand to use the phone anymore... If Im on it I try to get off ... But it REALLY STUPID anyways... Don't get me wrong I got the kind of parents that are WAY too protective... But still they are parents that are a pain in the you know where... I use to be bullied by a friend for abt 6 months but that stopped... Now she is nice to me and we get along kinda weird IKR!... People make me feel different and EVERYONE points out my flaws which I already know!... Even some of my closer friends... Im just getting mad just say that.... I AM ALWAYS TENSE/ MAD AT THE WORLD!!!... I GAVE UP a long time ago!!!... I like to wear black shirts just to make a point to the world that Im not who you think I am... but no one picks up... I do a good job hiding it if I say so myself... I use to be REALLY strong in my faith but lately I been losing my faith in everything! I have thought of suicide and I know how I would do it too... I have two friends who I told that I am cutting but they don't seem to care and don't bother asking if I'm done or not... You see, since July I been done but I have slipped up in purpose.... Idon't want to stop... I'm just stopping for my friends and sister... I don't do it hard at all... I don't see why it isn't good besides the fact that one day all I wanted was MORE!!!... I think I might be bipolar which means that I am happy one sec but crying and cutting the next...

I am really nice and friendly and like to help people - just ask anyone... so if you need
to Vent TALK TO ME!!! Yes, I got probs too but that might just help me understand you better!!! Just fyi - I am VERY random and I talk fast... ummm got questions just ask and I can't spell great so sorry if any of the words are spelled wrong... Thanks

This is a drawing that I did... Every word/ pic means something... the words are the words that go thru my head every fukin' day!... This "drawing" is my thoughts, my soul, my life... Everything on there has a story... Everything on there connects to another picture... It is EVERYTHING to me!

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HidingInMySmile's Favorite Quotes

I don't know who I am anymore...
This quote does not exist.
*Jake came over today*
I had a Halloween party to go to, but he couldn't come.
I was Sleeping Beauty.

Me: Do I look okay?
Jake: You're beautiful. *picks me up, spins me around, kisses me.* You're my princess.

Dream if you'll live forever,
Dream for me.
Broken down,
I've tried to pick up the pieces.
You lied.
You live for yourself.
Those friends you thought you were "so" close too...
That just turn out to be
so far away...

#were done...bye

I wish I could just walk down the street without people in cars starring at me.


When silence is all that's left, will the truth finally be heard?
Boyfriend: *Picks up a fake flower* I'll stop loving you when this flower dies.
Me: Aww. But what if it just disintegrated right now?
Boyfriend: Babe! I was just trying to be cute!
*He walks away from me as I'm laughing, somehow comes up behind me, turns me around and kisses me.* ♥
This quote does not exist.