England
Let me tell you something about America. We were best friends in
the 1600's. I know, right? It's so embarrassing. I
don't even... Whatever. So then in the mid 1700's, I
started going to war with France and taxing the colonists, and they
were like, weirdly mad at me. Like, if I would tax their tea,
they'd be like, "Well we're just going to throw it all
in Boston Harbor" And I'd be like, "Have fun with the
new soldiers I'm sending over." So then, for the
Intolerable Acts, which was their punishment for being so rude, I
was like, "Guys, I'm going to make a bunch of soldiers
stay in your houses and cut off your ports." I mean I
couldn't have them stop paying taxes! They thought they were
going to just not pay for a war they didn't want to get
involved in in the first place! I mean, right? They were MY
COLONIES. So then George Washington wrote King George III and
started yelling at him, it was so retarded. And then America
started a revolution because no one would listen to their stupid
ideas, and they came back in the fall for the new One Direction
album, all of their teenage girls were going crazy, and now I guess
now they're obsessed with my my boys and my accent.