Joined: April 20, 2011
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Quotes by Ifeelsoalone

Loving someone that doesn't love you
is like reaching for a star.
You know you'll never reach it
but you just got to keep trying.


to my readers:
I will not be writing another sequel or story cause I'm taking a break from the internet starting tomorrow.
I'm sorry.
Thank you all though, you guys are amazing.
You don't know how much each comment means to me.

Marry Me

Sequel to Want Me
Chapter 19
*Blane's Point Of View*
After Heidi's death I broke the news to her family. It was hard to tell grandma and Zack. Carter and I went home when he was three weeks old. We stayed with Alex until then.
  Hayden was happy when she saw Carter. Granted, she was only almost 2. But I was happy about her response to her brother.
  Heidi's funeral was held at a nearby cemetery in Texas. Everyone attended, including her mother. She shed some tears, but then left immediately following the burial.
  Two weeks after Heidi's death, Zack lost his battle with liver cancer. He was buried next to her.
  Today, 3 years later, Hayden, Carter and I live in a small, two bedroom apartment.
  With Hayden being 5 and Carter only 3, life is hectic. I'm now 22, and going to college. Grandma watches them when I'm in class, and when I work at the music store on Main St.
  I still keep in touch with Alex. He has a fancy new job and a fiance'. They are due to get married in November, and I have been invited to the wedding. Alex sends money every two months. I told him not to, but he still does. It helps out with the bills and stuff for Hayden and Carter.
  Heidi's dad comes and visit every two or three months. He spends three or four days up here. He usually takes the kids to the park, or zoo when I have to work or I'm at school. It gives Grandma a break.
  I haven't seen anyone since Heidi's death 3 years ago. I've been trying to go to college and get a degree so I can have a good job. I've been fully committed to my kids lives.
  I keep a picture of Heidi next to my bed, and one of us at our wedding next to the couch. Hayden says goodnight to the picture before bed every night. Carter doesn't know much about his mom, but I talk about her every night. I'm hoping he will grow to know and love her like I do.


Marry Me

Sequel to Want Me
Chapter 18
*Blane's Point Of View*
"Blane Sanders." A tall man in in a white coat called. Heidi's doctor. I jumped to my feet.
    "That's me." I said as he walked down the empty hall to where Alex and I now stood. Hope filled my heart. She was alive.
    "You're Heid's husband?" He asked, looking down at his chart, then back at me.
    "Yes, yes I am. Is she alive?" The expression on his face almost knocked me down. I knew what he was going to say next, and I didn't want to hear it.
    "No." I began to shout. "No! You didn't try hard enough! She has to be alive!" Tears streamed down my face in agony. How could this be? How could Heidi be dead?
    "I'm sorry. She went into shock after the baby was being choked by its umbilical cord. That's what caused the pain. That also caused her to go into shock, which lead to her death. I'm sorry."
    I shook my head. "No! No, you're lying! Please tell me you're lying!"
   "Mr. Sanders, Heidi is dead." I dropped to my knees. Pain trailed throughout my body like lightning. Heidi was dead. My wife, my lover, my best friend was gone.
  "But your son did live. Would you like to see him?" Those words brought me back to reality. My son?
  I looked up at the doctor. "It's-it's a boy?" I stumbled over my words.
  "Yes. Follow me." I stood up and followed the doctor down the hall to an empty room. There, in a small see-through box like thing, laid my son.
   I began to cry even more. I didn't know if it was because I was happy the baby survived, or if I was angry that he killed my wife.
  I walked over to my son and looked down at him. He had his eyes closed, and was sound asleep. I gently stroked his hand.
  "Hey little guy. I'm your daddy." Saying those words filled me with joy. I had a son. But I immediately felt pain. This was one moment I would never be able to share with Heidi. She never got to see how wonderful he was. 
  "It's okay." Alex said, patting my back. "Everything is going to be okay."
  "How can you say that? She's dead! Heidi is dead! Carter is never going to see his mom, and Hayden will only have memories." I replied.
  "What did you call him?" Alex looked at me, puzzled.
  "I-I guess I called him Carter." I looked down at my son. "Carter Alex Sanders."
  "Carter Alex Sanders?"
  "Yeah. Carter because Heidi was going to name our first son that, but settled for Blane Jr. instead. And Alex because I will always remember the guy who helped me through it all." Alex smiled and looked down at Carter.
  "Blane." I heard a faint whisper call my name. I looked up.
  "Hey, I'll give you a minute alone." Trey said, stepping out of the room.
   "Blane." The voice said again, this time a little louder.
   I looked around, and there, standing by the window was Heidi. The problem was, it wasn't her. It was just her ghost or something. I read about this thing happening in books, and in movies. But I didn't imagine it could happen to me.
  "Heidi!" I said. Tears of joy and sadness falling from my eyes.
  "Take good care of Carter and Hayden. Tell them how much I love them. And I want you to remember something, I love you. I will always love you. I will be here, in your heart. I have to go now. I'll be seeing you again. Just not soon." She smiled and then vanished.
  I broke down once more and cried and cried. She was gone. Gone forever. The last words I had said to here were I love you. And I meant them with all my heart.

Marry Me

Sequel to Want Me
Chapter 17
*Blane's Point Of View*
"Is she going to be okay? What's happening to her?!" I shouted as the EMT began to drive faster.
   "Sir, calm down. You have to remain calm so I can help her." The man replied. But I couldn't stay calm. I couldn't relax and let him help her; save her. Heidi was dying, right in front of my eyes. And so was our baby. I needed to scream, I needed to cry. I needed Heidi.
  "Please... please. You have to save her." I said, breaking down and crying. The only other time Heidi had been in danger was almost two years ago. That's when Trevor had injured her and me. That's when he killed Blane Jr
  But when Heidi was hurt, I wasn't there. I was in another state of mind. Unable to hear or to think. Unable to see or to speak.
  But this time I could see, speak, hear and think. And right in front of my eyes, my beautiful wife, my best friend, my only love, was dying.
  "Drive faster!" I shouted. "We have to make it there. She has to live."
  "Sir, we are almost there. The hospital is right up the road." The woman replied. I leaned my head against the metal siding and closed my eyes. I silently sobbed.
   The ambulance came to a stop and the woman jumped out of the car. She quickly opened up the back of the ambulance, and they rushed Heidi into the emergency room.
  "Come on." Alex said, appearing at the back of the ambulance. I jumped out of the back and we ran into the hospital.
  "Where did they take her?" I asked him, knowing he wouldn't have an answer.
   "I don't know. Probably to an operating room. Come on, there are some chairs. Lets sit down and wait." He replied, walking over to a row of chairs that lined the hallway.
   "I can't wait! My wife, she's... she's ...dying!" I shouted the last words in agonizing pain. Sure, it was easy to say them in my head, because they could be wrong. But saying them out loud made them all too real.
   I fell to the ground and buried my face in my hands. She can't. She can't ever, ever die on me. 
   Alex slowly walked over to me and placed on hand on my shoulder.
   "I know what you're going through." He whispered, kneeling down beside me.
   "Know you don't! You can not possibly know how it feels to have your wife and child dying right in front of your eyes!" I spit back at him.
  "No, I don't. But I do know what its like to lose the love of your life." His voice was calm, but I could hear the pain behind it. I looked up at him, immediately sorry for my harsh words.
  "Kristi and I were so in love. We were even engaged. We had been inseparable for two years before I proposed. We were on our way to her parents house to tell them about my proposal. A drunk driver ran the red light." He stopped, tears forming in his eyes. "I remember waking up in the hospital, asking for her. The nurse said that she was killed immediately by the impact. She hit her head pretty hard on the windshield. I cried myself to sleep every night. I still do, and that was a year ago."
   I felt remorse for him. I couldn't imagine what it would be like if I lost Heidi. I didn't want to.
  "I'm so sorry." I mumbled.
  He shook his head and stood up. He helped me up and we walked over and sat down in the chairs that lined the empty hall.
   Heidi was perfect. The love of my life and the only person in the world that could ever make me smile. I loved her more than anything in this cold, shallow world. But it was neither cold nor shallow when I was with her.
   That's why when the doctor walked out of the room and called my name, i cried. How could I possibly be happy, when I felt so horrible and broken inside?

Marry Me

Sequel to Want Me
Chapter 16
"The ambulance is on its way." Alex said, running over to us. I was still in a lot of pain. Blane was knelt down beside me, his arm around me.
  "It's going to be okay." He reassured me. "Everything is going to be fine."
  I looked up at him. How could he be sure? How could he know that the baby was going to be fine, that I was going to be fine?
  "How do you know?" I mumbled. He looked down, then back at me.
  "Because it has to be. Because it will be." Before he looked away, I saw a single tear fall from his eyes.
  Alex knelt down on the other side of me. He looked into my eyes.
  "Hey, you're going to be fine." He said, then looked at Blane. "She's going to be fine." The way he looked at Blane what comforting. He was trying to assure him that I would be here tomorrow. That our baby would be fine, inside me. But for some reason, I couldn't believe him.
  I heard the sirens of the ambulance as they approached the beach.
  "OW. AHH!" I screamed as pain shot throughout me. 
  "Heidi." Blane said, throwing his arms around me. I could hear his sobs as he laid his head against my shoulder.
  "Here's the ambulance." Alex said, helping Blane up. A paramedic rushed over to me. They took my blood pressure and checked my heart rate. Another man rushed over with a stretcher. They gently picked me up and placed me on it.
  "You ride with her. I'll get my car and meet you there." I heard Alex say.
  "Hey man, thanks." Blane said. 
  "No problem. You need someone." Blane ran over to the ambulance and climbed in the back. He sat on a small metal bench next to me and grabbed my hand.
  "I'm sorry." He mumbled through his tears.
  "I am too." I replied.
  "I was never going to go out with Katie and Amber. I just said that to make you mad. I was mad, and wanted you to be too."
  "Blane, I already was." 
  "I love you." He said, kissing my hand.
  "I love you too." I replied before a wave of pain sucked me under. I couldn't see anything. Everything went black, and dark. My body was shaking. All I could hear was the panic cry of Blane calling for the paramedic.
  "What's happening?" He shouted.
  "She's going into shock." The male paramedic replied.
  "Heidi. Heidi, can you hear me?" The man asked. Yes, I wanted to scream, I can hear you! But I couldn't make my mouth move, couldn't force the words out.
  "Oh god." Blane cried. "Save her!" He screamed.
  "Sir, we are trying."
  "Try harder! She's... she's all I have."
  "We are sir. We will do our best to save her and the baby."
  "No. Save her before the baby. We already have a daughter. We can have more kids. But I need her." He was crying heavy now.
  I wanted so bad to wake up from this dark place. To comfort Blane and tell him I was okay. But I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried, the darkness and pain kept me under, drowning me.
Would I ever see Blane's face again?