Joined: December 26, 2011
Last Seen: 7 years
user id: 255758
Location: Missouri
Gender: F
I wish for a day where the only thing people dislike about me is that I'm not with them brightening their day. 

I don't really talk about this much, and we are a witty 'Family' and we need to start acting like it. So here it goes. I will tell you about myself.

I am 15, my name is Emma, and I am battling with depression and anxiety. It is a serious issue. My parents hate me for it. I am on Zoloft for it, but its so hard to get out of bed in the morning. I have missed school before I just couldn't get out of bed. The scars on my wrists, stomach, ankles, bottoms of my feet, and my thighs, are just things about me. If they could talk they would be able to tell you my life story. It really bothers me when people fake depression forattention, or they are completely fine but just feel ignored. I try and cover my scars, I hide them, most people don't know about them because it really is my coping mechanism, nota cry for attention. My dad loves me, theres no doubt about it, but he gets so mad at me. He doesn't understand it. All he can think about is that I'm young, I'm a model, I play competetive tennis and basketball, and we aren't struggling for money. Honestly, I wonder if he forgets that when I was 11 my best friend, Mikey, died from Mitral Valve Prolapse, or that when I was 12, my best friend Alexis died from Osteosarcoma, or that sometimes I get thrown around, or that last year I was beaten up in my foods class by 3 people because of my religion (that wasn't the only time its happened), or that I am constantly bullied because I'm tall, or because I'm a Baha'i not a Christian, does he forget that I am only 15 and he throws so much at me that I can't handle? Does he know that in the course of summer 2012, I've lost 2 of my best friends which caused them to talk to others and get them against me, too? Does he know that moving, finally getting settled, and then switching schools is hard to handle. Does he know that his verbal abuse just adds to my struggles everyday. I love him, but I just wish he could understand. 

It may sound strange but I am that girl, I am that girl that no matter her struggles she wont let anyone see it, and if someone else is upset she will make them laugh and be happy, secretly wishing someone would do that for her.

I love you all. When I finally do end life so my dad can go on with life and not worry about his daughter, so that no one will be bothered by me not being a Christian, so that no one will have to deal with me or my baggage, remember that my heart will belong to God and that you are loved, even if I was not.

Quotes by Irma_Jean

This probably won't get that much attention, but I want you to read my profile. I wrote it 2 or 3 years ago and just logged back into witty to check in. I am 17 right now with a boyfriend of 10 months and I could not be happier with my life. When I wrote that I was angry and depressed and just a mess. Honestly, I was a cutter and I did think about suicide a lot. I am so glad I never went through with it and that I got the help I needed. Please talk to me if you need help or are having a rough time with life. It will get better, and I know that isn't what you want to hear, but it will. That's coming from me, a first hand survivor. I love you all. Please don't be afraid to hit me up, I've been in your shoes. Being a teenager is rough, I know, darlings.
You're sad:
I know you, I've been you

You have anxiety:
I know you, I am you

You have depression:
I know you, I am you

You're afraid of people finding your scars:
I know you, I am you

You don't eat much, and when you eat you throw up:
I know you, I am you

You are suicidal:
I know you, I am you.

You feel alone in your struggles:
I know you, I am you.

You get bullied at home and school:
I know you, I am you.

I am sad
I don't let people see it

I have anxiety
I pass out or throw up from being so worried and anxious

I have depression
I cut, I burn, I cry, I'm covered in scars

I have scars I don't like people seeing
I'm afraid they will treat me like I'm a ticking timebomb. 

I skip meals all the time
My friends think I have homework to do during lunch, I throw up when I eat anyway

I am suicidal,
3 times in the past year I've been admitted to the hospital for attempting suicide

I am alone in my struggles
My friends don't understand what I'm going through, my parents think it's a phase

I get bullied at home and at school
My scars have been noticed, and I get treated badly for them. My family doesn't understand what I go through ever day

Help me! is      here
I get released from the hospital tomorrow. 
Thank you, everyone, for your support
I hope one day I can help you like you helped me.
I love you, and hope everything this world has to offer come to you.
Stay fabulous, and don't make the mistakes I did.
Those scars didn't ruin your body.
You're a tiger that earned her stripes.
Stay safe everyone, you're here for a reason.
You may be a tiger, but I like my tigers living.
You and I can be tigers together, as long as we both
Stay safe, and alive.
I love you all 

I was in group today since being in the hospital.
I said, "I slit my wrists and ruined my body."
A boy tentatively walked up to me and said,
"No, you're a tiger that earned her stripes."
His name is Logan.
Thank you Logan
Greetings from the Missouri Psyciatric Center 
I woke up here with a million tubes in me last night,
I had extreme blood loss from last night.
I uess I didn't suceed.
When I'm out of here, maybe, I will suceed, 
Or, just maybe, I will be better.
The ward has some other people here,
They all seem like me,
I had been popular in school and now I'm here,
They all seem proud of who they really are, 
Here, I can show my true colors,
With these people I can be who I am.
I hope no one from school visits me. I'm extremely tired and in pain
Attempting suicide takes a lot from you.
Good luck, girls.
Don't follow in my footsteps.

I cut the other day.
It was my first time cutting in a month. 
Do you want to know something?
It felt awesome.
If I don't succeed, tonight,
I'll be in the hospital.
If I do succeed tonight,
Please place flowers on my grave.
I love you.

I heard once that they would rather hear about memories than enimies

Rather hear what was or what will be than what is

Rather hear how you got it over how much it cost you

Rather hear about finding yourself than how you lost you

Rather you make this an open letter,
about family and struggle and it taking forever

About hearts that you've broken and ties that you've severed

No doubt in my mind that'll make them feel

NMQ-- Drake-- TeamFollowBack-- 
I wish I could do it.
I wish I could cut deeper.
I wish I made a difference. 
I wish that someone will miss me.
They won't miss me.
I am nothing. 
Now I am gone. Tonight's the night. 
Goodbye everyone. 
Fact about Emma (Me) #5

I was the first freshman girl to play #1 Varsity on any team at my school (Girls Tennis 1st semester). My best friend was the first freshman boy to play #1 Varsity on any team at our school (Boys Tennis 2nd semester)

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