Irma_Jean

Status: ILOVEYOU
Joined: December 26, 2011
Last Seen: 9 years
user id: 255758
Location: Missouri
Gender: F
I wish for a day where the only thing people dislike about me is that I'm not with them brightening their day. 

I don't really talk about this much, and we are a witty 'Family' and we need to start acting like it. So here it goes. I will tell you about myself.

I am 15, my name is Emma, and I am battling with depression and anxiety. It is a serious issue. My parents hate me for it. I am on Zoloft for it, but its so hard to get out of bed in the morning. I have missed school before I just couldn't get out of bed. The scars on my wrists, stomach, ankles, bottoms of my feet, and my thighs, are just things about me. If they could talk they would be able to tell you my life story. It really bothers me when people fake depression forattention, or they are completely fine but just feel ignored. I try and cover my scars, I hide them, most people don't know about them because it really is my coping mechanism, nota cry for attention. My dad loves me, theres no doubt about it, but he gets so mad at me. He doesn't understand it. All he can think about is that I'm young, I'm a model, I play competetive tennis and basketball, and we aren't struggling for money. Honestly, I wonder if he forgets that when I was 11 my best friend, Mikey, died from Mitral Valve Prolapse, or that when I was 12, my best friend Alexis died from Osteosarcoma, or that sometimes I get thrown around, or that last year I was beaten up in my foods class by 3 people because of my religion (that wasn't the only time its happened), or that I am constantly bullied because I'm tall, or because I'm a Baha'i not a Christian, does he forget that I am only 15 and he throws so much at me that I can't handle? Does he know that in the course of summer 2012, I've lost 2 of my best friends which caused them to talk to others and get them against me, too? Does he know that moving, finally getting settled, and then switching schools is hard to handle. Does he know that his verbal abuse just adds to my struggles everyday. I love him, but I just wish he could understand. 

It may sound strange but I am that girl, I am that girl that no matter her struggles she wont let anyone see it, and if someone else is upset she will make them laugh and be happy, secretly wishing someone would do that for her.

I love you all. When I finally do end life so my dad can go on with life and not worry about his daughter, so that no one will be bothered by me not being a Christian, so that no one will have to deal with me or my baggage, remember that my heart will belong to God and that you are loved, even if I was not.

Irma_Jean's Favorite Quotes

This probably won't get that much attention, but I want you to read my profile. I wrote it 2 or 3 years ago and just logged back into witty to check in. I am 17 right now with a boyfriend of 10 months and I could not be happier with my life. When I wrote that I was angry and depressed and just a mess. Honestly, I was a cutter and I did think about suicide a lot. I am so glad I never went through with it and that I got the help I needed. Please talk to me if you need help or are having a rough time with life. It will get better, and I know that isn't what you want to hear, but it will. That's coming from me, a first hand survivor. I love you all. Please don't be afraid to hit me up, I've been in your shoes. Being a teenager is rough, I know, darlings.
wanpersowho
comes into my life by 
accident,
& stays on purpose.



We met in kindergarten. We were best friends.

She always told me she loved my eyes. I didn't quite know why.

I was in love with her, so of course my face lit up immensely whenever she said it.

She was beautiful, kind, and extremely funny.

We'd be talking about nothing, and she'd turn to me and whisper,

"I like your eyes."

One day, I was playing basketball,

waiting for her to drive over to my house to have a game with me.

Suddenly, I got a phone call.

It was her mom. She was in a panic.

I couldn't quite understand what she was saying. It sounded like,

"Aaron, come quick! Kelsey, accident, Main Street! Blood. Come now!"

I had no clue what happened,

so I ran to Main Street with my basketball shorts and a tee shirt on.

I saw Kelsey's mom helplessly crying, waiting for the ambulance to arrive.

I saw a totaled car, blood everywhere.


Then I saw her, Kelsey.


My heart stopped as I frantically ran over to her.

"Kelsey? Kelsey!" She was unconscious. I started crying.

I know it isn't very manly, but I couldn't help it.

Before I could say anymore, the medics took her away,

the main source of blood coming from her head.

I went to the hospital that night,


I went every night.


in fact, the only time I left was to go out to eat, but that's it.

The doctors tried getting me to leave, but I refused.

It was all my fault.

If it wasn't for me, wanting to play basketball with her,

she wouldn't be going through this.

It was already four days, and she hasn't woken up.

On the fifth day, I saw her eyes gently open.

"Kelsey?" I called.

She wasn't quite awake yet.

Suddenly, doctors came rushing in, telling me I had to wait outside.

I did, for a few hours.

One of the doctors finally came out saying,

"I understand that you're Kelsey's friend, Aaron?"

"Yes," I whispered.

He bit his lip.

"She woke up, she's fine,

but I'm afraid she has long term memory loss."


"Are you serious?" I almost shouted.

"I'm afraid so."

I didn't meet his gaze. I couldn't.

I wasn't going to say anything, so he spoke again.

"You can go see her if you want,

but she doesn't remember anything, not even her mom."


I walked in, trembling in horror.

I saw her. She looked helpless as she slept.

I waited a few hours, until I saw her eyes opening gently again.

I expected doctors to run in, rushing me out.

Instead, she looked me straight in the eyes, and whispered,


"I don't know you, but I like your eyes."


                         we destroy ourselves
and blame it on society, when in reality, they only had to do so much,
before we started feeling the way we do.   .     
quote: luckeyy





The moon is like a person.

You can only see so much of it at

a time, because just like perople,

it hides it's dark side.


format credit: wallenbee


We fear how we feel inside.


Take a moment to realize you have never seen your face
in person, just reflections and pictures




Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'

-Erich Fromm





we overuse and
misuse the term
 
"SOCIETY."
 

format credit: notyouraverageteenagegirl

I HAVE MY SCHOOL DANCE IN SEVEN HOURS
AND EVERYONE IS GOING TO LOOK AMAZING
BUT I AM INCREDIBLY UGLY EVEN WITH MAKEUP ON AND THERE ARE GOING TO BE PHOTOS AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO