Dear Hannah,
I see
your blue eyes, every time I close mine. You make it hard to see.
Because nobody knows what it's like to be the "Bad
man", to be the "Sad man" , behind blue eyes.
You're so innocent, too innocent. There's so much behind
you, so much that I may never know . But I am here, on a journey,
on an adventure, to find the reason behind those eyes. To find
the lies behind those eyes, to find the truth behind those eyes.
And I know there is something there, because there is no
emptiness in your soul. From the moment I met you, to now, I am
in awe. Not knowing things would turn out this way. God took a
twist, a twist through fate, through destiny. You know what they
say, "God works in mysterious ways". And even though
one said that to correspond it to death, there is no death here,
is there? We're both alive, alive and breathing. What a mask
were wearing, because even though we're alive on the outside,
we're dying on the inside. Why are we dying? Well, we were
put here to figure that out. Just now, the song "You Found
Me", came on. I just chuckled because it's wrong. The
message left from the song, isn't correct, not in this
situation. "Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me,
lying on the floor, Surrounded, Surrounded. Why'd you have to
wait? where were you? Where were you? Just a little late."
Isn't that funny, just a little late? You were never late,
early even, because it's never too late. Lost and insecure,
can't tell you how true that is, but I never realized this is
how I felt about myself. You did find me, and I was lucky to be
found by you. Hannah, you're the one who has let me speak the
truth. Because, just like I said in my speech, as
secrets/problems/issues, start to bulid up and stay hidden, one
will turn to beating themselves, hurting themselves, cutting
themselves. I never turned to any of that, did I? Not at all, you
know what I turned to? You, every time I had the chance to talk
to you, i'd jump at it. Because you were, still are, the
solution toall my problems, and I cannot believe I never figured
that out until now. You've been with me through the long
ride, but it isn't the end, it isn't even the end of the
beginning, but perhaps the beginning of the introduction. And I
am ready to advance to the next level. Are you? Of course you
are, because when I am ready, you're ready. I know you are
ready, because you are that other part of me. My missing peice.
But you aren't missing anymore, you've solved the puzzle,
and now, it's time for me to solve you. I have so much to
say, so much, I haven't told you yet. And i'm sure you do
as well. It takes time. And throughout this time period, is when
it'll be said. Time is free, but it's priceless. You
can't own it, but you can use it. You can't keep it, but
you can spend it. Once you've lost it, you can never get it
back. And that's what scares me, losing you. Because once
i've lost you, I can never get you back. I am not asking for
chances, because I shouldn't be making mistakes to start
with. You symbolize many things in my mind, but one of the most
important things that you symbolize is time, my time. All that
time, wasted on you, it was all worth it, and it wasn't
wasted, but earned. Our memories, will forever be cherised, and
remembered. Now let's discuss "Our" goofy smile. I
used to think it meant so much, it still does. But then I
realized, a smile happens in a flash, but its memory can last a
lifetime. My life, no matter how long, no matter how short, our
memories will never fade, and will indeed go beyond a lifetime.
“Life: a cycle. A series of events, meetings, and
departures. Friends discovered, others lost, Precious time,
wastes away. Big droplet tears are shed for yesterday, but are
dried in time for tomorrow, until all that remain are foggy,
broken memories of a happy yesteryear.” There is so much
more than that, everyone has a unique way of living, but for the
most part, this corresponds to almost everyone's life. But
they forgot a part in that quote above. It goes right in the
friends section, oh, how silly of me. They never forgot it. I
wasn't reading correctly, I should learn to read between the
lines next time. Because it says Hannah. It says so much more,
but that is the number two thing on there. Number two, you're
probably dying to figure out the truth behind that number, well
it won't be told until after I figure out the truth behind
you. Hannah, what do you think of when you hear the word
friendship? I immediately think of you. You have proved to me
that you are not only my bestfriend, but my sister. I hope I have
proved the same to you. But if not, I understand, but I will work
to the best of my ability to live up to that position. Friendship
marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating
into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing. I'm
not saying that I don't love you, because I do, like a
brother loves his sister. You are and will always be my best
friend. Lot's of people, so many, say we should date. I'm
so tired of hearing that. Do you know why? Because friendship
comes before a relationship. And friendship that flows from the
heart cannot be frozen by adversity, as the water that flows from
the spring cannot congeal in winter. That is how strong our
friendship is. It is a responsiblity, never an opportunity. I
don't think of you as a partner, but a sister. You are that
other half to my heart. Such as twins seperated at birth, they
are the other half to eachothers hearts. What i'm trying to
say is, you will always be my best friend, my sister, nothing
more. And I know it's the same with you. Others who surround
us, I know the way they see it. I wanted to make things clear.
Friendships are fragile things, and require as much handling as
any other fragile and precious thing. Friendship, in my mind,
goes before a relationship, it is above it, always will be. The
best relationships-frienship, a relationship, where one knows the
other more than anyone else can know that person. A relationship,
where one can not only tell that person anything, but
everything.
Continued...
Continued...
That is my relationship with you. A
bestfriend/sister/brother relationship. The best relationship of
all. True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its
evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like
life on a desert island...to find one real friend in a lifetime
is good fortune: to keep him is a blessing. A blessing by God. I
have found on real friend in my lifetime, it isn't over, but
you are that friend, and if God decides to let me keep you, now
that's a blessing. But I won't lose you, not now, not
ever. No one can determine your future but yourself. So promise
me, that your future will include me in it, just as mine will
include you. Now the song "My Heart Will Go On" came
on. "Near, far, wherever you are, I believe that the heart
does go on". I believe it to, distance doesn't matter,
it's the way we feel towards eachother. And though we drifted
apart in distance, I still think of you as being right here, next
to me. And although we have many new peers, aquatinces, even
friends by our side, it is our friendship that means the most to
me. You know what I cannot wait for? Life after death. Heaven, is
what we shall call it. Because there is no doubt you're going
there. And Heaven is also something important that symbolizes
you. Like I have told you in the past, you are my Heaven. That
still will go on, and will always go on. Hannah, I know at times
I can be sad, mad, angry, but it's never at you. If I ever do
let out all my anger on you, you must tell me thatBecause I
don't intend on hurting you, not in any way, shape, or form.
And even if I ever do end up being mad at you, it won't
change a thing, not how I feel about you, not how I feel about
our friendship, it wont change a thing. Because, you are my moon,
my sun, my stars, my universe. my Milky way, my Pluto, my Mars,
my Venus, my Jupiter, my Uranis, my Earth, my Mercury, my
Neptune, my Saturn, my Solar System, my Galaxy, my sky, my
ground, my light, my stage, my world, my everything, and you will
always be these things and so much more. But most importantly, my
sister/best friend. You're flawless, maybe not in your eyes,
but in my eyes. You are my inspiration, the one who I look up to.
You have a whole life ahead of you, you are strong. You have a
perfect smile, one that can hide everything, all the secrets.
Maybe one day, you will speak the truth, but for now, I
understand that they will remain hidden. Good Luck Hannah, I know
yo u have many goals in life, and I ensure you, that you will
acheive and succeed in reaching each and every single one of
them. Because even though many can bring you down, you have those
people in life, who can't live without you. I am one of those
people .
Continued...
Continued...
You are the reason I live, the
reason I breathe, when God thought of Jake, he thought of Hannah,
like I said before. Because they go together, just like how H and
J are right next to eachother on the keyboard. I am one step
closer. One step closer to many things, but everyday, I am one
step closer to you, maybe not distance wise, but heart wise. Now
the song "A Thousand Years" came on. You don't need
to worry about me pointing out a remark on it. But please, never
quit making connections, no matter how small or how big. I have
three words, I love Witty. Because without it, I would have never
met such an amazing, extravagent, breath-taking, beautiful,
independant, charming, marvelous, lovely, extraordinary,
wonderful, wondrous, stupefying, bewildering, astounding,
impressive, stunning, staggering, kind, nice, intelligent,
kindhearted, tenderhearted, altruistic, amiable, affectionate,
amicable, beneficient, benevolent, benign, clement, courteious,
gracious, loving, propitious, sympathetic, humanitarian, polite,
unselfish, obliging, friendly, cooperative, considerate,
good-listener, helpful, accomodating, caring, fond, devoted,
warmhearted, self-sacrificing, pleasing, sociable, swell,
cheerful, awesome, crazy in a good way, unqiue, awe-inspiring,
overwhelming, fabulous, mindblowing, great, good, fantastic,
legendary, terrific, phenomenal, rad, unreal, unbelievable,
uncommon, superb, best, wow, out-of-this-world, young lady. And I
will never meet someone like you again. Because you aren't a
copy, but an original. You're a classic. Hannah, I had a
smile from the moment I started typing, to them moment I stop, if
I could type everything I ever wanted to say to you, my typing
would be endless. Everyday, after I stop talking to you, I
immeditely start missing you again. That's how much you mean
to me, I can never let go, but you know what they say, if they
truly love you, they will have to let go. And Hannah, you know I
love you like a bestfriend. So if there ever comes a time where
we need to seperate, I will have to let you go. But there will
never be a goodbye, I am done saying goodbye, let's replace
it with "Talk soon". Because I know I will always find
some way to speak to you. No matter how many days we haven't
spoken, there wont ever be a goodbye, remember that. As much as I
want to continue typing, I shall stop now. I truly hope you
enjoyed reading this. And now for Jake's signature ending, a
quote: A sister is a gift from God, sent from above to make life
worthwile here below .
Love, Jake
country girl meets city
boy
chapter
twelve
the day after my birthday i
wake up to this. amazing. ive fallin in love. my whole room
is. . . its. . . errrm. . music. its art. its quotes. its
everything i love. then i turn my head and see Andrew
sitting down in a chair. "morning" he says
laughing. "what. . . um. . . how did i sleep through
this. . . what is this?" i ask sounding more
confused then ever before. "for you" he says
handing me a card. i read it. and look up to him.
"this is from Max" i say. "yeah. . . it got
here today" he answers. "but. . . why did he. .
." i cant finish. i go back under my covers and
scream. "AHH!" im yelling too loud to hear Andrew
so he comes and sits with me. "Liz he said happy
birthday and he messed up and misses you" he's
jealous. i can tell. "yeah. happy birthday to me.
he's gonna miss me. i gave him my whole life. and yes
he messe up. i dont care. i dont want him. andrew i want. .
. you" i whiper at the end, because then he kisses me.
"i needed that" i say. "i think you and me
both" he corrects me. "can we go for a
walk?" i ask in my sleepy voice still yet after
screaming. "yeah. that sounds nice he answers. i smile
then he picks me up and throws me over his shoulders. i
laugh and whisper "guess what?" and he answers
"what?" "i love you" i say after he
puts me down. its hard not to get lost in his eyes. i tell
my dad we're gonna walk and get dressed fast after we
eat some bread. we walk to the park and hang out over
there. then we go over to a old path and just talk there
for a while. On our way back he stops. he has some kind of
weird look in his eyes. he turns to me and says "Liz .
. ?" he says it softly. "yeah?" i answer
back. "do you ever feel. . " he doesnt have the
chance to finish before i say "lost?" "yeah.
that it" he agreed. lost. "all the time. i dont
know who i am" i say kinda softly. "i know who
you are. you're a teenage girl who loves to sing and
write. your favorite time of the day is anywhere from
9:30pm-3:am. you can think anywhere no matter whats
happening. you're a little girl still in the inside
waiting to grow up. you fell in love and got broken so now
you are confused. but at the end of the day you know that
you fell in love with someone whos crazy weird, someone who
you have known forever but thought you met on a plane"
i stop and think awhile before i say "sometimes it
takes someone else you know who you are before you
can" then i kiss him and keep walking. before we get
to my apartment he says "when you're lost what do
you do?" i stop again. this time i loose my total
train of thought for about thirty seconds until Ryan comes
out of nowhere and we start walking back to my place again.
we stay there for about an hour or two and they head back.
Andrew stays over Ryans house that night and i stay up
writing a letter to. . . James. even though he's dead.
. . he's alive. soon i wake up and notice i never
finished the letter and dad walks in. we walk downstairs
and eat then i go back up to my room, pack away the letter
into a box, and get some shorts on with my hightops and
Pink hoodie. i tell my dad im going for a walk and head out
the door. i need time to
myself.
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