KourtneyLee_x3

Should I Continue ?

 walked along the ocean as a light , cold , longlasting
breeze blew across my face. I couldn't help but think about everything that's been going on lately , it was all just so confusing . I drifted off into a daydream for a little while , imagining my dad walking with me . I know he'd be happy about how strong I've become , if only he could see who I was today . He would have been so proud about the things I've accomplished , I just wish i could actually prove to him that i was worth his time . You see , my dad died when I was 12 years old . Even though it sounds sad , i barely knew him .  He left both me and my mother alone right before my eighth birthday . My mom never actually told me why until I was almost 10 , i thoought my dad was away on a buisness trip for work for a very long time . It broke my heart when i discovered he just left because I was too much to handle and he didn't want a child . I wish i could prove to him that i was worth his time , Every child should have a chance to see their father . My mom got in touch with my dad when i was 12 , i began to talk to him more but the only problem was that he had an addiction . I Soon learned that my dad had been in and out of rehab multiple times and that he continously said he started this horrible habit because he missed our "family " .  I told my mom , not thinking about the consquences . My mom then didn't allow me to see my dad , not even on fathers day.  I was scared of my dad , but i still loved him . I wanted to help him and i thought i could somehow . I just didn't realize how serious my dad's addiction was until he passed away in early December from an overdose . My dad cared about drugs more than he cared about me , he thought i was worthless . I just wish i had one more chance to hug him and tell him how much he means to me . Since that day on , my lifes just been horrible . I am now 15 years old , and i've made huge changes. My body has grown up , but i haven't . I have so many small insecurities that I feel like i'll never be able to get over . After awhile of thinking about whats happened in the past three years , i was brought back to reality when i tripped over a rock and fell onto the soft , wet , sand as the small waves splashed me . I quickly got up and checked the time . it was an hour after curfew , great just great . My Aunt will not be too happy about this .

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This clearly isn't a true story because i'm not 15 but it does show my feelings about my dad. my dad never passed away though , but he does have an addiciton and has been in and our of jail/rehab multiple times . I've always known my dad , but he's never really known me . I've watched my dad have heart attacks right infront of me , almost dying . One time he had a heart attack in the car and it was just me and him . we were in the parking lot at Stop&Shop in North Kingstown and I didn't know what to do . I ran inside and got helped , little did i know that my dad actually died for about a minute or two  . If i hadn't have gotten help he could have died right there infront of me . I started writing this yesterday and i just wanted your opinions .  so comment.

No ;
I’m not going to lose feelings.
N o , I ’ m n o t g o i n g t o f i n d s o m e o n e b e t t e r .
No, I’m not going to cheat on you.
&| no, I’m not going to leave you. I’ve already made up my mind,
I want you and only you. No one else.
Because to me, you’re my kind of perfect. ♥

NMF;NMQ

"Are you really okay?"
I'm acting like I'm okay, please don't interrupt my performance. ♥
nmq;nmf