LaurenLandslide

My Parents are the main reason for my panic attacks. They stress me out.

Doing 'Dammit' by Blink 182 for my year 11 leavers assembly... 'Well I guess this is growing up.'

God I am so bored.

Even he can't push it away.

It's Not sadness as such, but the never ending fight between me and my parents that knocks me down with every breath i take

It's been quite a while since I've been on here, truth is? nearly a year ago on the 8th December 2012, I saw the most wonderful person on the plannet, he lived 4 hours away and we never thought it would work- truth is, I loved him, and he loved me. We thought 'Let's meet up to see each other in person' so we met half way- in Peterborough and spent the whole day together, he was the guy of my dreams, he didn't mind me playing around and even joined in, truth be told- we were meant for each other, I remember the time I had to say goodbye to him at the station- funny how hours could go by like seconds when he was around, I remembered how heartbroken I was to see him go- after so much happiness we shared together on that day, but he told me to keep my chin up and that he would be back before I knew it. I was so excited to finally see him again that I was counting down the days leading up to seeing him again- he was my little piece of heaven, then I did- he came back to mine and stayed for the weekend it was wonderful just having him there, he fit in really well with my family and they had never seen me happier, but he left as soon as he came, but it was ok- only one month to wait! At least that was all I knew. He surprised me for my birthday by turning up laid on my bed playing Jetpack Joyride on his ipod. As I came home from school- my mum was all smiley, she wouldn't tell me what was going on, so as I came up the stairs- tired from my long day at school in a stuffy classroom, there he was, I couldn't believe my eyes- he was just there! my face must have been priceless- I jumped on the bed and wrapped my arms around him tight, I never wanted to let go, all my happiness and certainty had returned just because he was there. for that weekend he stayed- I had lost my virginity to him- I loved him and we mutually agreed to take our relationship that little bit further and just like that I fell for him even more- it was more of a bond than a relationship and we acted like a married couple- waking each other up in the morning, making breakfast together (most likely leftover chinese from the night before), he even painted my nails for me one time haha. Then one time in the summer he invited me over to his house- I had to take a train from Liverpool station all the way to Norwich to meet him at the station and take a train to Lowestoft- the journey was really exciting and I'd never been on a train for 4 hours before, but it was well worth it, we met each other with a really really long embrace and a kiss as we waited for the train to Lowestoft. We never ran out of things to talk about which was the best thing- we always could think of something new to say! I stayed at his for 4 days, I met his mum, dad, step-mum, brother, Johnny (his friend) and his grandad, it was wonderful them treating me like an adult although he was  2 months and 2 years older than me XP When I had to go, it was a sorry sight to see, his mum drove us both to Norwich station where I left on the train, everytime one of us left a little part of my heart wilted a bit, but always grew back as soon as we saw each other again. I saw him a month later and went over to his, this time for a whole week, it was bliss those late nights spent falling asleep on the couch watching movies like UP- thats how we saw our relationship. He put together a little scrap book like in up, it was wonderful and i still have it, along with the train tickets, Hoodie, presents he got me, miscelaneous bracelets he made/ i knicked and numerous letters. He was my Walle and I was his Eva, he went to college whilst i stayed in his dressing gown watching movies ^^ I then saw one of his best friends- Cara, I thought she was pretty cool but she had a large reputation for being incredibly blunt from time to time, so slightly scared for how she'd percieve me, but luckily she liked me ^^ as I left him, once again, I didn't think that would be the last time I'd see him, else I'd have held him a little tighter for a little longer, but I went back to reality, to school, to friends, to family, to normal life- we hadn't made plans to meet up till 2 months when I was going on holiday for him to come with me, but he just couldn't cope- he couldn't hold on and I was losing everytime he told me he missed me. Although we skyped every night, texted every morning- he couldn't cope. I remember so vividly the breakup- I was on the bus- it was early on in the week and we had an argument over text, so I called him, we had a long conversation and I could hear how upset he was, so I let him go. Now everytime I even hear the name Will, see a picture of us together, even listen to this song
Toothpaste Kisses- Maccabees or Hey There, Delilah- Plain White Tees, or even hear about another happy couple in a long distance relationship, some part of me dies. I miss him like hell but he's moved on. He doesn't know how much this all hurts me, we don't talk allthough we promised to be friends- I ended up deleting him beause I just couldn't take it. I want him back. But it won't be the same and I don't think he wants me too. It's just killing me. I've cut non stop over various different other problems but this is the biggest fraction.

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Your Lips Are Moving, But I Can't Hear The Words Decend From Your Mouth.