LettuceandMedusa

And today was the day,
I held his hand again
<3

Ok Witty Girls! I know its not pretty, but please read!
 

Okay. So My ex-boyfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago. At first I was getting better, but then it was all getting worse. Everything around me was getting harder. Kyle (my ex.) has hurt me one too many times. i still have really strong feelings for him, I'd take him back in a heart beat. On Saturday the 3rd, my friend Matt set me up and had Kyle meet me at the park. The closer he got the harder my heart pounded, literally, i thought it would burst out of my chest. We hung out and had a really good time. We went back to his house and he made me feel so much better. But here's a twist. He picked me up and put me on his lap. He said he missed me, then planted a kiss on my lips. We started kissing. I was so confused, he'd made me believe he didn't have the same feelings for me as I did for him.
                      The next day we got into an argument. I said that he never cared or loved me, i didn't mean it and I didn't know what I was saying. I mean really, i was bawling my eyes out. So he didn't answer after that. The rest of the day I cried and cried, but I also thought about letting him go. So I sent him this text: (this is the whole conversation)

Me: I've been thinking about it all day. And I'm done getting hurt. I'm done chasing you. You've caused me so much pain, more pain than I can take. If you knew you wanted me, you'd have me. but what you're doing to me, leading me on and getting my hopes up is wrong. Because right after you throw me down. If you wanted to be with me you'd be here right now. I'm willing to be friends, but I don't think I'd be ready for it. i need to be able to think about all our wonderful times and smile instead of cry and wonder what it'd be like if we were together now. i still do care about you, and there will always be a part of me that has feelings for you, but I can't keep chasing you. I"m only hurting myself doing so. you are a huge part of my life, but if you still don't have the strong feelings that i have for you it won't work. You really made me believe you didn't want me. Then you kissed me yesterday and I got so confused. You also confused yourself because you brought up the small feelings you have left when you didn't want to be more than friends. So now it's up to you whether you want to be friends or not. or if you want to be with me. But I'm not chasing you, you can come for me if you really want me.

Him: Mhk.

What I'm thinking: Oh. My. God.

Me: Wow, Right there you really showed me how much you care.

Him: What you expect to have an answer in 5 minutes! If this were on you you'd take forever! And ya know what? We can't be friends. We will do nothing but complain and blame each other for our problems.

Me: I was trying to reach out to you, but I guess I couldn't. I expected more from you.

Him: I didn't expect this from you. I'd love to be friends but I don't see it working if you talk to me like this. Guess we can try again in like a month or two, but its not workin out.

Me: I don't understand where you're coming from when you say you didn't expect this from me. I'm honestly just trying to save myself some pain, and there's nothing wrong with that.


                For all the people still reading, thank you. i know its long. Comment you're opinions please!!


 

Sometimes I wish I could fall asleep,
and never wake up

I know it's not pretty. But please read.
I've been considering things. Like cutting and suicide. But the one thing keeping me alive is my own self. I don't want to hurt anyone else, especially this guy. He's the most amazing person in the world. I love him so much, but he broke my heart. He didn't mean to, and its not like he's a player. He's strong, caring, loving, and he still loves me. He told me, and I believed him when he kissed me and said how much he missed me. I'm sure you're wondering why he misses me, or why we aren't together anymore. The reason is that my mom won't let me see him. I guess she doesn't realize how much its killing me. I was with him on Friday, August 5th. That's the day he kissed me and whispered in my ear how much he loved me, and how much he missed me. The next day he realized he couldn't do it, he couldn't do it anymore. He said he realized yesterday, kissing me was a mistake. He wants to more than anything but he can't. And I think I agree. Kissing him makes my heart hurt more, even hugging him. I feel if I let him go, I'll just disappear into nothing but pain. And I think that is something I've already accomplished.
If you read all of this, I really appreciate it. I usually bottle up what I'm feeling but its too much now. The pain, its too much.

I asked God for a minute,
He gave me a day.
I asked god for a flower,
He gave me a bouquet.
I asked God for true love,
he gave me that too.
I asked God for an angel, and he gave me You.

 

Okay Witty Girls! I need some help!
I need a stage name. Like for Youtube, cause I'm making a channel. And Alexndra Gerlach doesn't sound like a stage name. Please Comment any ideas! I'd appreciate it! =)

For all the broken-hearted Girls
Who thought they knew him.
Who never listened to their friends about him.
Who let that person too close.
Who wanted nothing more than a shoulder to cry on and another half of their heart.
Who wanted to feel complete and loved.
Who wanted a Prince Charming, a real man.
Here's to the Girls
Live life to the fullest
Dance in the rain
Sing your heart out
And ignore the pain
Take risks and don't regret anything
Take that one in a lifetime chance and make it your's
Enjoy the life you have, without a broken heart
And let your Prince Charming find you.
<3



All mine(=

Why didn't I cry when you left?
I didn't cry because I wasn't upset
But because I was strong enough to
Let you go. . . <3