Dudu*

Status: working...yay.
Joined: June 1, 2013
Last Seen: 2 weeks
user id: 361860
Gender: F

This turned into my diary somehow.


i have a black dog. 


I'm still learning new things about myself.  I'm sorry for the spam.

http://www.hitwebcounter.com/htmltutorial.php
Hitwebcounter com

Quotes by Dudu*

let go

cheeks burning, mind racing.
i couldn't bury this lovely feeling. 
a warm touch,  i was star struck.
 you said you'd give me the world
if i gave you a chance.

i was elated, started sprinting.
next second only i'm limping.

 lungs burning, eyes stinging,
you gave me a new reason.

it was rose glasses, blind-sided.
said you want to try something.
smooth talker, hypnotist.
"it's okay baby", i'm spineless.
i didn't want to let you down.


 sandy beach, yacht club,
a surprise trip, i've got to come.
 introverted, my battery drained.
"pull it together", i play pretend.
so its black dress, pursed lips,
i'll be the best actress.


now snows falling, burst bubble,
you said she just wanted trouble.
i cried myself to sleep for weeks.
deflated, bent backwards.
still wanted a better reason.
you just had to make it right.


it was one step, plus two
they don't mean a thing to you.

sweet talker, strategist,
i became your little airhead.
deep down, i knew it wasn't right.


head spinning, dirty feeling.
all you did was dream selling.
want you to give us one last try,
 promise to be a better guy.
heart aching, there's no changing.
at least just tell me one last lie.
 

                     wanted him to see through me.           until his eyes felt like lasers on my skin.
                     wanted him to choose me.               until his touch felt like habitual sin.       
Well you can text me later if you want.
I'll call later
I might be asleep though
Don't go to sleep?
This quote does not exist.
and i can admit to myself that i'm scared.
i still feel stupid and hate myself sometimes.
i still get nervous. sometimes i take my feelings out on others.
i'm not perfect. i forget important things.
i still tr
y my best. i apologise and strive to do better.
i sti
ll get anxious, i still feel this knot form in my stomach and this pressure settle down on my chest.
i
still feel the beads of sweat on my skin and still i sometimes don't have all the answers.
anyon
e in my shoes would feel the same, i'm certain.
i'm d
oing okay, but i can do better.
i still feel stupid and hate myself sometimes, i'm dreading saturday and the potential mistakes i can make.
the po
tential people i can upset and the potential enemies i can make. the potential disagreements and
the potential action i would have to take in the future.
i
'm learning but i'm still scared. when this year ends it'll all be like clockwork.
u
ntil then i need to keep striving and surviving.
i've
made it this far. that has to count for something.
you know what,
i am proud of myself.
what if i stopped caring?
but my silence seems to offend you.
i'm at the starting lines while you've already reached your flow state.
we're not the same.
you keep making me feel bad for tripping up.
i apologise and joke around with you.
you're always the same.
hot then cold, but always brutal.
i can't accept all of you.
i can't seem to keep you happy.
you're not impressed.
well okay, that one stung.
add it to the list of mistakes i've done.
it's hard cause i know you're right.
but you expect me to hit the ground running and i'm scared.
i hate disappointing people.
i tried to take it lightly but you still tried calling me out.
i can't be all go with the flow. 
i've made more errors than i can count, but haven't we all?
honestly. haven't we all?
keep keeping scores and keep telling me your not impressed.
all i regret was trying to flatter you.
never again. you can stroke your own ego.
 
especially today i feel so gruesome. i don't want to catch my reflection or remain in my own skin. especially today i need your distraction, your decorated words of adoration. i can't stand myself i've starved then fulled myself to the brim. especially today i need your kindness to overcome my bitterness. i haven't been good. talk me out of this. help me set this straight. i don't want to sleep but i need rest. a day has gone by and i'm still in regret. especially today i needed you.
 

growing up feels like saying goodbye.
i'm going to miss you.
i always thought you were so pretty.
i'm going to tell you.
you're the type of person who thrives anywhere they go.
i'm going to tell you.
you deserve better and deserve all the happiness.
i'll tell you on tuesday.
you need food to focus
you need food to focus
you need food