Status: Uni...ew.
Joined: June 1, 2013
Last Seen: 3 hours
user id: 361860
Gender: F

This turned into my diary somehow.

i have a black dog. 

I'm still learning new things about myself.  I'm sorry for the spam.

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Quotes by Dudu*

cause he notices when my mood dips,
he checks in with me and comforts me.
i'm falling deeper, i can't help it. 
"you can do whatever you want."
i know it's a simple phrase
i know you meant nothing of it
but my heart keeps blushing
a letter that can't be received.

if you knew would things be different?
if i could have you sympathise with me, would i feel different?
cause right now, fallen tears only matter if they're yours.
anxiousness and the tight chest feeling is nothing for me
but when it's you, i need to be more understanding.

and i know you have trouble sleeping and you cry almost daily...but join the club.
this path goes both ways and we're both hurt people hurting eachother.
but i'm just sick of ignoring my feelings to make you happy.
it's not worth it to hate myself to make you proud of me.
i never liked community gatherings, i never liked how you favoured my eldest sister.
i never liked being your rock, the quiet one or the "good girl".
if being a doormat with no self respect is who i need to be to receive your love,
you can keep it.

it’s obvious
why i called

it might be
cause I’m
lonely and
you’re a fool

I’m not
just curious

if you’re
asleep or not

you know - jay park/okasian
cause now i look forward to seeing you and that smile.
that smile is stuck on repeat in my mind.
in my mind i'm imagining the new conversations we'll share.
we'll share stolen glances and make new memories i can keep.
i keep wanting to make you laugh
i keep wanting to share bits and pieces of
my life with you.
can i keep you?
mommy and daddy issues keeping me awake again
so i'm hitting up my bestest friend.
mood up or down, he can decide.
i wanna switch my brain off
and just follow someone i love.

now backed in a corner
with those pretty eyes.
it's an obvious trap

but i like it like that.
he flashes that smile and
all my stress subsides.

think i'm gonna put him in charge.
just a naughty guy that gives me the butterflies.
don't know how i'd make it otherwise.

you play stupid games
you win stupid prizes.
that's who i am, i withstand.
rain storm and hurricane,
i made it out alive again.
through stress bouts and booby traps.
i learned too much to just give in now.
i hate it for the most part but i just can't cave.
the anxious feeling that etched a home in my chest,
i'll get her to move out some day.
cause this skin is my home and this heart beats for me.
i will become mostly happy again.
you couldn't even look at me.
not even in my direction.
not so much as a smile let 
alone a conversation.

now you need 
something so 
here you are.

i won't reply.
i don't need you to like me,
i've decided i don't care.
maybe i just want you to comfort me.
maybe i just want to be coddled.
is that so bad?