Status: Uni...ew.
Joined: June 1, 2013
Last Seen: 18 hours
user id: 361860
Gender: F

This turned into my diary somehow.


I'm still learning new things about myself. I write when I can, I'm sorry for the spam, but not really.

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Quotes by Dudu*

Lately I've just lost all my motivation to actively study. I'm only doing the bare minimum which I know is nowhere near enough. I need to get my act together but I'm just so exhausted. I know things will work themselves out and I will eventually get to where I need to be. Just right now I'm sad and stressed. Right now I hate it. I'll be better soon. But the right now. It sucks.
You make me happy when skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away.

Don't think that it's weird
(I just want to have you).
even when I see you, I want to see you.
You're more tender than Spring sky
and clouds.

- Something good, got7



My dreams and all the things I endlessly wanted are becoming old friends. I can’t believe it at all. I yelled but all that came back was “Just go." That phrase, that one phrase, Made me gather my hands and be still like an idiot. “I’m sorry.” saying it was like a habit. A saying beyond my understanding. Save me, I can’t see in front of me. I won’t let you go, I can’t anymore. I lightly smile but My insides are twisted without anyone knowing about it. “I’m sorry.” saying it was like a habit.
- Mayday, got7



Now it’s a path of no return. I keep getting tired, I can’t see the path in front of me. Between calm and passion, which is the answer? Why is my heart ahead of my head? It digs deep inside. Your actions, the way you talk; every little thing becomes crystal clear. My foolish heart, why does it do this? Why am I hurting more? I don’t get it at all. Your callous expression hurts me, I’m in a lot of pain. The days I spend without you, they hurt so much. They hurt so much. How did you and I end up like this? "It hurts so much." This is what I’m telling you.
I hope that you listen to this song.
- Sick, GOT7


I've decided I don't like you. You were nice enough to keep me interested, but I keep seeing cracks of your personality seep through, bad aspects. No ones perfect but I have to acknowledge the red flags ahead of time. So I've decided I don't like you. It was cute when you held doors open for me, watched over me and lent me a helping hand. I never asked for it and it was kind of you. We shared smiles and we made each other laugh. You're super tall and have super broad shoulders. Your face is a ten too. But I can't overlook some things. You seem to have a short temper. You took it out on your friend. I noticed it and you smiled over, tried to make it seem like nothing was going on. I couldn't reciprocate the smile this time. We all have bad days. But you can't let bad days make you a bad person for that day. You were really cool in my eyes before that.
My younger sister is my best friend, but she doesn't know. She knows the most about me, I really like taking with her about whatever comes to mind. I can be myself completely. We fight a lot too about petty stuff, but it's never serious. She is my best friend. I won't tell her, because she would worry about me. "What about [insert friends name here]?" Would be the first thing she says back. And I don't want her to worry. She is a bit younger than me, I feel like I still have this proper image to uphold when I'm with her. It would hurt my pride if she knew how I really felt most of the time. She is my closest friend. Maybe when we're older I can tell her. Maybe when I'm older I will have made new friends. Maybe when my depression goes away. Who knows.
You were the best part of my day today. I never pay you much attention. But fate always brings you near. We were paired up, you were so shy. I felt my cheeks get warm, you became more at ease. I had a long day today. I walked back into the room to find you on my seat. You were so flustered I assured you it was okay, we could work on it together. I'm glad you're getting comfortable with me. We're still at the awkward friend stage but still, I'm glad you're getting comfortable with me.
It kinda sucks you know. I've known for a while we're not as close as the others, that our friendship was way too superficial. But aren't you being too much? You stay up till it hits exactly midnight to send the others a paragraph of how much they mean to you on their birthday. I wish I could trick myself into thinking that I didn't need one of those texts from you...but when I didn't wake up to anything, it's embarrassing to admit, but I was surprised. Weren't you being too much? You invited me along to lunches as you gifted them presents, I told myself I didn't want anything from you, but when you turned up empty handed, it's pathetic, but I was surprised. Have you given up on me? Finally realised there's better out there? Can you finally let go of me now? I've never liked surprises. I've always wanted to though.
I tried so hard but I didn't get the result I wanted. Still, I'll try harder. That's all I can do.