Status: School...ew.
Joined: June 1, 2013
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user id: 361860
Gender: F
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Chin up and smile wide!
 *I'm not entirely sure why but I feel the need to put a disclaimer here telling you that I'm a little (very) melodramatic. But I'm okay. That is all.

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Quotes by Hoodski*

When it's winter and the Suns ended its shift way too early. My teeth were chattering after a long day. I'd been studying from 8am, it was well past 6pm now. I hugged my coat around me tighter, my bus stop was a long power walk away. I don't like acknowledging it, but it's scary to be out at night. I popped my earphones in and was comforted by the music. Ah, the cold dark amongst a hundred other strangers is bearable now. I came across a red light, I stuffed my hands in my pockets as I tried to stay warm while staying still. I don't remember what I was doing exactly after that. Probably mouthing lyrics or trying to stand taller than I really am. But then you appeared. Oh how happy I was when I realised it was you. At first of course I had to hit you, you can't spring up on me like that! You know how I get. Huddled together you walked me to my stop. I held your hand inside my pocket. It was a short time spent with you, but definitely the highlight of my day.
Remember when you tried to be a hero and stood up to her for me. I wish I could have done it for myself, but I was so taken aback by you that day. Thank you for always taking my side. Thank you for always seeing the good in me. These days I see myself as the antagonist. That maybe I'm wrong. She probably means well. She said I shouldn't take it too seriously. I'm taking it too personally or I'm being too sensitive. But you tell me I'm fine, that my feelings are rational. Thank you for that.
After you hang out with friends, you should feel happy. But she makes me feel drained and warn out. I thought I wouldn't be feeling like this still. 
I like it when you're the little spoon, it's the best feeling, your back pressed against my chest. Why are your feet so cold? Go into the fetal position, hold your knees close to your chest. Let me warm them up, give your feet a little rub and kiss the back of your neck. I like when you're the little spoon, I like taking care of you. You stretch out wide for a little bit, you could easily take up this whole bed. Usually you'd end it at good night now, but you turn to me instead. It's dark but your eyes are glistening, crinkling by the sides. "Thank you" has become our new "I love you". I kiss your lips goodnight. "No. Thank you."
Catch my tears, kiss my lips. I can't forget about what happened so make it better. I've had a rough day, my eyes are running, I just want you with me.
Younger me really thought by now I'd have friends I could share everything with. But I don't. And so now I wonder if I ever will have such close friends. Other times I don't mind so much, I have my internet friends who I can chat to regardless of Timezone. But other times, I just want someone there to pour my all to and getting a hug from a friend is nice too. I don't know why it's all coming at once today. I have a friend but she says things that rub me the wrong way. I don't like her tone and how she's so dependant. She has lots of friends, I don't know why she's sticking by me. I know why. It's because we have history. Friends since forever. But I'm more than ready to say goodbye to years of friendship, especially if we're not the same anymore. Ah,
I have to quit this, I can't keep on chasing the cheap thrills that only last me an hour and then make me feel down again. I need to be my productive self again. Where did my determination go to die? I need to be more disciplined, I keep saying it without action. I don't know why I'm doing this to myself. It's self sabotage. I need to work harder. I need to put in more effort. I need to be productive and work efficiently again. I'm not a happy person when I'm stressed and anxious. I can't keep up with this depressing routine of barely scraping through. I miss my old self. I need to find her. I need to be at my best again.
Thank you is a hard word to say I think.

i always wanted someone who knew everything.
someone who i could text whenever,
without feeling like a nuisance.

i always wanted a real friend.
i didn't know by just how much i needed all this,
and so much more,
until you came along.

It's different with you, I'm different with you.
I feel light with you. I'm at ease.
No heavy shoulders. No unstable heartbeat.
Just at ease. Thank you.