now my belly will ache in the name of poor self
you won't question it until the 34th hour.
cause that's all you ever noticed.
telling you i'm not doing well wasn't enough.
it always took a hunger strike to earn your attention.
one day i will be above this all.
one day i won't yearn for your concern at all.
i wanna stack my
pennies up so high and mighty.
so no one can dare peer over the wall that surrounds
me and my castle.
i wait and wait for the perfect moment.
the perfect moment where i'm not afraid of the
tight rope and mask snapping.
i know ma and pa couldn't save me from this.
they couldn't before, they wouldn't ever now.
this burden grows as does my bitterness.
late at night i wonder who i'd be if i received
all of their love.
who would i be if i even just felt seen.
i want to own my land but i'd have to stack paper
over the graves of my sanity and dignity to do that.
i yearn to meet the version of myself who is well rested
and well adjusted. the version of myself who has
grown beyond this childish feeling of
i hate this feeling.
shouldn't it be effortless?
am i putting all this pressure on you when it's all my
i don't know which one it is.
i don't feel this way with others. I don't think it's on
somewhere along the way i learnt i can't trust you.