Dudu*

Status: Uni...ew.
Joined: June 1, 2013
Last Seen: 1 day
user id: 361860
Gender: F

This turned into my diary somehow.


i have a black dog. 


I'm still learning new things about myself.  I'm sorry for the spam.

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Quotes by Dudu*

you are just amazing.
i hope you live a great
life. i think you're just
the best. thank you. 
You are so kind.
i appreciated it a lot.
an angel with words
of support and advice.
God sent you to me that
day. I am so beyond 
thankful. thank you,
thank you, thank you.
once more, thank you.
and i keep wanting to meet your eyes.
everytime i catch your glance, i smile.
so you know i don't hate you suddenly.
i hope you know the deeper meaning.
i hope you see it that way and can respect
me more for it. if not, then in your eyes i must 
be a confusing hot then cold b-word.

cause my heart is that soft.
show a little warmth and it melts.

you don't like quiet, not many people do.
what was i thinking, i told it all to you.
the screen can entertain me, you can
keep talking to your friend. don't worry
i don't feel left out, just want this class 
to end. 
"you're very quiet" "i'm always
quiet" this naturally awkward exchange. 

this is the real me, with no up-beat energy.
it's 9 am afterall. 
you find a new topic;
yeah i think my parents are 
proud of me. i
appreciate that thought. they must be proud,
i liked hearing that.
 we'll meet again after 10.
now small, meaningless interactions amount to so much.
sharing is caring and now i'm thinking too much.
they remind me of you, it's embarassing to say.
but i spent all of yesterday thinking about it.
all i know is we said "hello"
and your eyes look like
coming home
and look at you,
you told yourself
you could
so you did
and the rest is history.

know no limits,
cross the lines
you drew for 
yourself.

it all works out
in the end.
always.
you're fine, you just need some time.
the ache in your knees will subside.
baby you're fine.

your skin will turn to iron and your heart will blush again.
some day these bullet-like exchanges won't bring you any pain.

when the grey ceiling mumurs a "good morning" to you,
and when having ammonia in your lungs has become normal to you:
even then, bubby, you're going to be fine.

choose to be nice to yourself every day.
show up, check on your friends, eat your meals on time and rest when you can.

it's sad realising how alone you are.
why were you running so hard? who was this all for?
smiles and words you wanted so badly: they were never for you.
how heavy these burdens are, how endless these tears are.
the herniated hip from birth, it certainly was signposting to what was to come.

it hurts more deeply the more you think about it.
the grieving can pause while you sleep.

before bed, without much thought: sleep.
no lucid dreaming, just rest.

without wanting it to:
it hurts, it hurts, it hurt.
without wanting to:
i have to accept it. i think i will have to do that from now.

it's hard, but i will be fine.
you always have time, you've always got time.

you'll be fine.
seei made it all pretty.
the terrible truths are
embroidered with royal silk.
i'm still playing the part well, don't you think?
no one will know how terrible it really is.
introverts.

so take me there: to the end of this conversation.
it starts in the same way, under the same circumstances. 
i'm lonely, you're lonely.
we don't check in until it's all a little too much.


Finally caving in as we burst at the seams.
"How are you? i miss you."
always precedes the trail of renewed confessions.

nothing's changed, we're both still the same.
you got a new comforter and i haven't seen those boxers before.
still wrapped around your finger.
still know you like the back of my hand.

when we run out of things to say time begins to flow differently.
the world mutes itself so i can hear your breathing.
we're just existing in the same space and it's grand.
we won't need to hear from eachother for another few weeks.
low maintenance, dependable and all for me.

you're my favourite human interaction.