Dudu*

Status: Uni...ew.
Joined: June 1, 2013
Last Seen: 11 hours
user id: 361860
Gender: F

This turned into my diary somehow.


i have a black dog. 


I'm still learning new things about myself.  I'm sorry for the spam.

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Quotes by Dudu*

"i felt like i had to work hard to deserve everything.
even the basic, for granted things.
i couldn't just eat, i couldn't just be loved. 
in the same way i would compensate for a meal,
i always thought i could only love after making up.
i had to keep scores so i could stay one step behind.
i had to suffer to prove to myself that i was deserving.
what a heartbreakingly silly thing to have learnt.
i saw the human side of you again after a long time.
child-like. innocent. you were always great at drawing.
you told me a back story. you laughed as you told me
but it was quite sad.
"out of all the things i could be good at. my talent was this."

GOOD
GIRLS
MAKE
DO.

i see lightening bolts whenever you speak,
but i'll tell myself that's how spring clouds are meant to be.

i always wanted a reason to like spring.
i'll paint you in all the pink shades you like.
in this sunlight, my tinted window acts as a mirror.
there's a sparrow that visits me this time of year.
he doesn't know he's fighting with his own reflection.

when i'm in a bad mood, the tapping could drive me crazy.
other times though, i want to believe he's checking in on me.
As if God has sent a little sparrow to me. 
A cute, stupid sparrow that knows enough morse code to tell me;

"hang in there".
and time is taking
its sweet time erasing you.
when my feelings were an inconvenience,
but yours were a valid reason to end the conversation.
when talking about what happened feels like a personal attack to you.
in those moments you should look at yourself.
think about why you're so defensive,
how intense it must have been for us.
the reason why i can't accept all of you anymore,
it's written on your face.
2 years on.
"She's over it, you should be too."
But we didn't wrap it up nicely.
all that happened is time passed. 
"If i hurt you then sorry." 
You don't know what for, so don't bother.

 
i wanna give you all the things i didn't get. i wanna tell you everything i kept to myself. i wanna hold you for as long as i want. without the need for an excuse. i wanna turn, run and sink into you. you'll feel warmer than sunkissed sand.
 
i'm allowed to make mistakes.
i'm allowed to learn the hard way.
i'm not perfect.
it is all okay.
you only ever noticed the things that didn't matter.
for not knowing me well enough, i hated you.