Dudu*

Status: Uni...ew.
Joined: June 1, 2013
Last Seen: 1 day
user id: 361860
Gender: F

This turned into my diary somehow.

 



I'm still learning new things about myself. I write when I can, I'm sorry for the spam, but not really.

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Quotes by Dudu*

"It's natural for limbs to malfunction with a rotten head." - He is psychometric.
i knew it would be hard. it has always been hard. i knew it would take long. i knew it would be like this. i almost regret having any optimism. false hopes. overqualified. underqualified. somewhere in between. overall not good enough. not what we're looking for. goodluck next time. we'll keep it on record, just in case. but at the end of the day it still comes back to not what we're looking for. overqualified. underqualified. "thank you"s in between. a bunch of "not successfuls" and "but"s. am i at the stage where it's still too early to give in? because i really want to. i'm qualified for more rejections and ego blows. unqualified for any good that could come beyond that. good intentions don't mean anything. sounds good or awful on paper. in person can't pull it off. masked in disadvantage. obstacles galore. i will overcome this all one day. i know. but it's always the right now that is hard. and one day is not my life. my life is right now and right now is hard.

i can't get you out of my head. every interaction with you sends a rush of warmth to my cheeks. when you smile at me, it's the best feeling.  i like it a lot. i still like you a lot.

i can't continue being so close to someone who makes me feel bad for no reason. who takes everything as an attack. i can only recall one scenario where i have benefitted. the majority is way too one sided. i hope when i'm on my own i can keep it together. i hope being apart will make us a lot healthier.
The anxious to even simply meet with friends pep talk; Maximum 2 hours. it'll be over in 2 hours. You'll have good food and be surrounded by the friends you are most comfortable with. Catch up and eat, nice warm rice and meats. I know we're a high strung type, always stressed out and anxious. But it's okay. I'm going to make myself a warm coffee now, get what i need to get done finished and have a fun night out with my friends. no need to be anxious. It will all work itself out in the best way possible.
I'll be happy over the simplest things. The sun shining, nice weather. My cat following me out into the backyard, patting him and hearing him purr. Endorphins from a workout. Slow and uncertain progress. A filling meal. A manageable workload. A tolerable environment. Ending the day in bed. Watching my favourite broadcast and bursting into fits of laughter. A long sleep, soft pillows, warm blankets. A roof over my head. I'll be happy over the things that matter. Simple yet crucial. I'll decide to be happy.
you deserve to be loved. incase no one has ever told you before. you deserve a hug with someone who cares about you as much as you care for them. you deserve to be someone's number one. you deserve comfort with a circle of people who genuinely cherish you. you deserve so many good things because you are good. as much as the world is filled with bad it is filled with good.
i still can't bring myself to forgive you.
It's not like you've done anything remarkably wicked, I just hate us together. 
Got accepted into a double degree program for maintaining my GPA. I wasn't sure but now I know for certain. I'll do it. If it'll put a wedge between us I'll do anything.
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