Bec*

It's four am and I am here and I am typing this. I am going to be an idiot to be the one that presses send. I know that you won't come back or reply to this, but I want to say somethings, before it's too late. I miss the way that you would look at me, the way that you would grab my face and kiss me, I miss the late night calls where we would talk about things that made no sense and that would make me look like I was an idiot. I remember you hugging me and telling me it was going to be alright when I was sad and alone. Then you left, and I was left completely in the dark. I don't know what I did. But you said you didn't love me anymore. And I guess I have to accept the fact that I will never have you back. But I am feeling better, and if you look at me in class, or call my name in the hallway. I won't look at you or respond to you. You have hurt me in ways that I can't even begin to explain, but I know that you're no good for me, or anyone. I am letting you go now. No matter how much I loved you. I miss you, yeah, but that will change, I will be stronger and wiser about my next. Don't try to call me at 3am because you feel bad and you miss me. I don't love you like I did yesterday. 

They told me that there would be plenty of fish in the sea. They told me that there would be better people. how can i be sure that there are better people when i know that they are wrong. i don't want to find out. I want to know what that was, what it meant and what i wil do in order to fix the mistakes i made. i am awfully sorry for the things i have done and i mean no harm to you in anyway. but in order to move on, i have to hurt you, incase i do end up falling. they told me about the fish and how there aren't as many of them in the sea as what there were. i know now that letting you go and hurting you were the two bigges mistakes of my damn life and if i could do anything i bloody would. but i am here and you're over there and i have no intentions of going near you, because i don't want another damn heartache. 

- I'm sorry but this is goodbye

 

You wrote on the backs of your hands,
all of the things you loved about me. 
You wrote them in permanent marker and told me to take a photo of them. You said the very next day we were going to a tattoo shop to have the reasons on you forever. You said that as long as we both live, even if we parted, you wanted to remember me. You wanted to know why you loved me and what the reasons were. But then something changed. You got them laser removed. You cut your hair and shaved your beard off. You stopped listening to the band that we loved AND YOU WORE DIFFERENT CLOTHES.YOU SAID THAT YOU WOULDN'T CHANGE. YET HERE I AM STARING AT YOUR FACEBOOK PICTURES TRYING TO BELIEVE THAT YOU WERE THE SAME PERSON I WAS IN LOVE WITH A YEAR AGO. YOU NEVER SEEM TO LOOK AT ME OR EVEN ACKNOWLEGDE ME ANYMORE. YOU SAY YOU'VE MOVED ON WITH SOMEONE WHO IS MORE YOUR STYLE AND HAS MORE TO OFFER IN LIFE. WHAT THE HELL COULDN'T I OFFER YOU, THAT SHE COULD? AND THE THING I CAN'T LET GO OF, IS THE FACT THAT I BELIEVED THAT YOU'D HAVE THOSE REASONS ON YOU FOREVER.