March and April are my
least favorite months. Not
because of the snow, or cold or anything. I should love April
because of Spring but I don't. These are the two months my
grandmother was sick with brain cancer. She was sick for 6 weeks.
The worst 6 weeks of my life. I felt so alone because I
know half of you will not read this because its just boring and
long. I do not need favorites by any means. I just really needed a place to vent. Thank you
for reading this if you did.
couldn't actually I WOULDN'T tell anyone
what was going on because I didn't want sympathy. Not even my
best friends. Every time I saw my grandma, I wanted to cry
because I knew she wasn't getting any better and she looked
so sick but I had to stay strong in front of my dad and grandpa. When they finally
let her go home (to let her die in her own room), she hardly ever
left bed, or when she did, she just fell asleep in her chair. She
couldn't remember anything and couldn't see me. I cried
so many times during those few weeks I thought I was out
of tears, until her last week
in our presence. Her brain had begun to shut down completely and
permanently. This was the absolute worst week of my life. The
last time I ever saw her alive, I had to try so hard for so long,
to hold the tears back. I cried myself to sleep every night
because I refused to let
anyone see me cry. The last time I saw her, she was so skinny and
small. She couldn't speak, only listen. My sister sat there
for an hour just talking to her about her trip to England. I
stood in the corner trying not to cry. Then, that following
Saturday morning, she died.
Then the next day was her wake. I told myself I would not cry. I
tried so hard. But once I saw her lifeless body, laying there
knowing she would never wake up, the tears came. My oldest sister
had started bawling her eyes out the moment she walked in to the
funeral home. My middle
sister was the only one who could comfort me because she was the
only one strong enough not to cry. They did all the prayers
before everyone came to send their condolences, and that
was the first time I
ever saw my father, and my grandfather cry. That made my heart
break. Everyone came in and told me how great of a woman
my grandmother was. It seemed as if she was the most popular woman in her town. Many
tears were shed, and many people I hadn't seen in awhile had
come together so celebrate her life. The speech my sister gave
about her at the funeral, was
the most beautiful speech I had ever heard. I love and miss my
grandmother so much.
I love you
Junie. May 1, 2010.
Never EVER forgotten.