I so badly want to live in
New York City in an apartment with big windows so
I can have lots of natural light and place little plants on their
sills and watch the sun rise and set every morning and night, I
want to sit in bed with a book and coffee and blankets and listen
to the noisy traffic and never get annoyed by it
because it'd be so exciting to think about how much
life is being lived all around me, never stopping
for a moment, I want cool artsy friends who will
go with me to thrift stores and art galleries and
concerts, friends who will stay in with me and
watch Netflix for hours and hours, friends who I can waste
disposable camera film on and friends who will go to McDonalds with
me at 3 in the morning to eat fries and talk about
nothing and sit in the park till the sun creeps into the sky, but I
also want to be alone. I want to walk down the sidewalk on my
own and sit in coffee shops on my own and buy
flowers for myself on my own. I want to blend in, invisible
to anyone who doesn't care to acknowledge my existence. I
want to create my own little world within this large
city, surrounded by other people in their own little
worlds, hoping that mine could collide with some of theirs. I
want newness, I want the
unknown. I want the possibilty of being to
go wherever and see whatever and be whatever and do whatever, the
possibility of bumping into you. I've dreamt about this
for so long and it hurts my heart to think about how I may never
have it. I may never get to experience walking blocks and
blocks just to meet up with a friend for brunch, or
photographs of memories in the city at dusk, stuck
to walls with scotch tape, I'm so jealous of everyone who's
grown up there, or been able to move, or go to school there, or
live there even just for the summer, and maybe it's not at all
what I dream of it to be, but I want to find that out for
myself. I can't imagine living my life and wanting this
so badly and never having it. I don't know how to end
this but I just really want to be in
NYC.