MichaelaLynn35

i don't think you understand.... I love you with all I have and you just pass me by like I'm nothing. I don't exist in your perfect little world. I'm jsut thins one girl you use to talk to sometimes. My existance doesn't affect you and it  never did or will. YOu don't understand how bad that hurts. When you're sad or mad and I try to offer you helo or hug you and you just walk away like I have some disease that is spreaded by touch. You make me feel like I don't exist and if I do, I shouldn't. You make me feel worthless. You're just so perfect and I can't do any better and I know that. Witch kills me. Every hug, converstation, kiss, ever touch, just every moment with you is implanted into my brain and when I'm alone in a room by myself they replay. Over and over. I don't think you understand how much I loved you. And you went and distroyed me. Im tired of this... But yet I can't help but go back.. Guess I real am as retarded as you say... </3

DO you know what it feels like to be alone all the time? To feel ugly all the time? To feel like you're worthless and shouldn't even try anymore because there is no point? To just feel like if you left this world that no one would understand or care why you did it? They would just be like, "Oh, she died? Hmm.. Oh.." They wouldn't even care and an hour.. No, a couple minutes later there lifes owuld just go back to normal like you didn't even exist in the first place? LIke no one understands you or sees what you are going through because you have gotten so damn good at hiding your emotions behond that fake smile of yours? Well, I do. I feel like that a lot and it has been a long time since I have felt true, honest happiness. Honestly I don't know if I ever will. I wanna give up. Don't wanna live, to scared to die. 

sometimes at night i suddenly become aware of all the things i’m missing out on right now, and all the people who i’m not close to anymore, and all of the good times that will never happen again, and all the people who meant the world to me who have forgotten about me forever, and i get this awful feeling that’s kind of like a mix between loneliness and nostalgia.

Don't expect me to care if you show that you obviously don't anymore. Don't expect me to keep loving you if you show me you want to forget I even exist. Don't expect me to keep coming back when you ask cause now I know that all you want is to hurt me. Yeah, that's right. I aint as stupid as you think i am. I've learned you only want me when you can't have no one else. I'm tired of being your girl on the side. Now, Ima show you exacally what you could of had but can't no more. I'm gonna be me and there aint no stopping me. I'm moving on from you and I aint ever gonna look back. Sorry but you have hurt me for the last time....

 I honestly wanna just curl up in a ball and stop existing. No one would notice anyways. Not like I matter, right? YOu would notice, wont even care. I just don't wanna talk to anyone. The darkness of my depression is surounding me and I don't know how much longer I can fight it off anymore. Not like anyone cares. I don't even know why I'm typing this, not like anyone's gonna read this anyways. I just don't know what to do anymore... I'm just this one girl that no one sees. That no one cares about. I just want someone to tell me, "I know you're not happy, not stop f.ucking around with me and everyone else, sit your a.ss down and tell me what's wrong!" But no one cares. No one bothers to look me in the eye and see that on the inside I'm dieing and I'm about to explode. Oh well.... 

 

*cooking eggs*

Me: "There aren't suppose to be white bubbles..."

Brooke: "Maybe it's the salt, or the pepper.. Or the nonstick spray.."

Me: Or it's a desease and we're gonna die..."

Brooke: "YOLO!"

 

 

*we like never say yolo and I follow back*

 

*cracking eggs*

Me: *accedently drops uncooked egg white on toe*

"Aww... I got it on my toe..."

Brooke: "SAMINELLA!!!!!!!!!!!"

Me: "Oh yeah, cause I'll lick my toe"