and you would never know
that I worry everyday. I worry that I'm going to
end up alone. I worry that my parents won't be able to pay
for college. I worry I'll never learn to drive. I'm
silently suffering. It's all smiles and laughs on the
outside. On the inside, I examine everything said to me, what
it all could me. I find every reason possible for people to
dislike me. So I'm quiet. You would never know that I'm
developing multiple forms of anxiety. I fear the unknown,
especially people. I fear failure. I fear rejection. On the
outside, my chin is up. On the inside, I'm cowering away
from the light. No one can possibly understand. I can dance in
from of a thousand strangers but I get nervous when I have to
talk in a group of people I've known since I was 8. And you
want to know why? Because I am crushed by the pressure to be
perfect. They say "love is louder than the pressure to be
perfect." Not really. I don't feel the love, just the
pressure. I feel the need to be accepted and the fear that I
won't be. If I'm not perfect, what can I even do?
Nothing. People won't accept me if I'm not perfect.
They judge me beccause of a few past decisions and my
awkwardness. Don't say this is a judgement free place.
Don't say you understand. Because it's not, you
don't. I just need someone to read this and tell me it will
be okay. I haven't heard that in a while. Someone
sympathise with me.