MohawkMojo

I'm tired of acting.
I am sad.
And I don't know why.

I just want to sleep forever.

“But in the end one needs more courage to live than to kill himself.” 
― Albert Camus

And I feel like nothing I do can be justified...

"I love you" *GETS FRIENDZONED*

And I guess part of my problem is realizing you don't like me as much as I like you...

So we become familiar with these little sayings like:
Nice guys finish last
Good girls fall for bad guys

Some of us start to believe them.  Don't.
I'm a genuine nice guy.  I'm respectful, caring, passionate, and protective.  I've always been a sensitive dude.
For a while I started to think nice guys really do finish last.  I thought I was destined to be forever alone.
It's not good for morale or self esteem.  If you're a real man like me, don't change a thing.
One day, a women, hopefully the one you've been dying for, will notice you.  You will grow old together and fulfill your dreams.

I've been through hell and back these past few months.  I really want to start the new year off well before I join the navy.
You have to be ready to accept that maybe the girl just isn't for you and vice versa.
A simple change of mind is all you need.  It's a transition.  It won't happen instantly but you need to make it happen if you don't want to stay depressed.
Your feelings might not change.  Maybe they're not supposed to.  Just look at things from different perspectives and views.  It helped me?

Best of luck,
Cosmo, Love Martyr

So here I am.  3:00 AM on a Saturday night, laying on my friend's front lawn.  Everyone is asleep.  But not me.  I'm out here all by my lonesome.  The grass isn't wet, that's good.  I bet if someone looked out their window they'd think I'm crazy or dead.  I wouldn't care either way. 

The sky is polluted with light.  You can't see the stars like you can in the country-side where I live.  It's a shame, really.  The stars are romantic.  Romance is a shame.  
It's hard to do things other than think.  I mean, what else can I really do?  It's almost natural in this setting.  Listening to sad music.  It's a little chilly, but I'm comfortable in my hoodie.  I can hear the hum of the highway that's about 300 feet away.

Life is hard to describe right now.  It's great but it sucks at the same time.  I thought I had my act together at the beginning of the year.  I was going to make my senior year the best so far.  Previously, I never thought about anything, really.  I did my work and played video games.  But for some reason that changed this year.  Maybe I'm growing up?

Politics, Romance, and other anonymous BS.  That's all that really goes through my mind nowadays.  I really wish life was a little more straight forward and simple sometimes.  What is the point of life though?  It's pretty hard to say when you're not religous.  Sure, there's probably some scientific explanation, but that won't suit me right now.  We don't live for reproduction.  At least as far as we know.

What IS my goal in life?  I honestly can't make up my mind anymore.  I wanted to write progams and do tech stuff, but that all seems bland to me now.  Honestly I can say as of now I live for romance.  Which is silly because I'm a kid.  I turn 18 in less than a month.  What do I know about romance?  I have no experience in that department.  But I call myself a true romantic.  A martyr to love.  And it ain't easy.

It's noones fault really.  Sure, we like to blame things on others.  It's easy, but it's kind of petty.  I suppose some things are caused by other people, but not my problems.  I've done a lot of thinking these past few months.  More than most people do in this amount of time.  I can say I've taught myself a lot.  Maybe matured a bit since I started exploring around with this stuff we call love.

I guess I can say this:
Being lonely sucks.  Don't get me wrong, I have some of the most amazing friends on the face of the planet.  But that doesn't cut it.  I want, I need someone to hold me.  Someone to listen to me.  Someone to understand my feelings, to run their hand through my hair and lay in my arms.

Why? Just why?