"1. When I walk into CVS, I know exactly where to find the
band-aids. Four years of tearing yourself open and you get used
to dragging yourself into your nearest drugstore with blood
dripping down your sleeve while the employees pretend not to
notice and smile at the wall behind you when they ring you
2. Swollen lips and sweaty “I love you’s” can make you
feel again but god I don’t want to feel anything if it means
having to sit there with my throat on fire while my ribs crack
and splinter every part of my f*cking body when he stops
3. I told my mother I wanted to fall in love and she told me
she would start planning my funeral.
4. Words get trapped inside my chest and their edges cut into
my heart. I wish I could just tell you how much I f*cking miss
you. I can’t stop bleeding.
5. My father always told me not to love someone with all of me
because they’ll slam the door one night and forget to come
home and they will take every fiber of my galactic being and
leave me with nothing but the darkness in-between the
6. There are plenty of ways to kill yourself, stick a gun to
the back of your throat, fall asleep in the garage with the car
on, jump into a river and let the rock in your chest where your
heart used to be drag you to the bottom, smoke too many
cigarettes, bleed yourself dry. I think the most effective way
is kissing someone who’s name you will never be able to say
7. You don’t drown in the ocean. You just become part of it.
Your hair dissolves into waves, your lips turn to salt, your
eyes melt into the sea. They say that drowning is peaceful but
when I fell into you water rushed into my ribcage it was just a
lot of choking and burning and thrashing and darkness.
8. When I told you I wanted you to f*ck me I didn’t mean f*ck
9. Maybe you should come over. Maybe I should change the locks.
I think I love you again.
10. I quit smoking because you could stop my hands from shaking
just as well as a pack of cheap cigarettes but you rot my
insides even worse."
-My parents keep asking why I haven’t gotten out of bed in