MyDailyDiary

On the outside: Oh yeah, I'm fine. Really.

On the inside: I'm literally at my emotional breaking point right now.
 

I really love you guys. Thanks for everything :)

I'm crying.
I see so many quotes on here that describe my situation perfectly.
This sucks.
I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Diary Entry (3) April 18th, 2013

Dear Diary,
Worst. Day. Ever. I almost didn't even make an entry because it's been an emotional day. So, Carsen read my email saying that I liked him. Keep in mind we've been friends for 3 years. You would think you know someone by then. He sat down next to me today and said, "You did a bad job of hiding it. I knew you liked me." Then the people around started saying stuff like, "Oh, do you like her back?" You know what he said? He said, "I wouldn't date her in a million years. I'd rather walk home from school which is really far away than date her. She can't do anything to be my type. Ever." Can you fully understand how much this hurts? I almost broke down and started crying right there. I kept myself from crying, though, because I didn't want him to see me in tears. When I got home, I locked myself in the bathroom and just cried. I've been in tears off and on the whole rest of the day. And I know what you're thinking, Oh he's an a$$. You could do so much better. But the thing is, I loved him. I honestly, truly, fell in love in love with him, and for him to just completely shut me out after it took me 3 years to actually fess up how I felt for him hurts more than anything. I'm slowly falling apart, dear diary. I don't know what to do.

Diary Entry (2) April 17th, 2013

Dear Diary,
So I tried to find a chance to talk to Carsen in person and tell him that I like him. I was going to tell him on the bus, but some random person sat with me. I decided to suck it up and email him to say how I feel. I sent it 2 hours ago. Whenever he gets an email, his phone sends him a little text and I know he's GLUED to his phone. He hasn't responded and now I'm regretting if I should have sent it. Diary, did I make a wrong choice? I'll keep you posted.

Diary Entry (1) April 16th, 2013

Dear Diary,
So, I'm starting a diary. This is something I've always tried to do in an official paper diary, but I never actually went through with it. I guess the reason I started this was to just get out some feelings and other things that I've kept bottled up. So, I should probably get you caught up on the drama that is my life. So here's what's going on now: There is this guy, Carsen, that I've been friends with since 7th grade. In 8th grade, I started realizing that I had feelings for him. I'm now in 9th grade and I honestly think I love him. People think he likes me back, but I have no idea, so that gets us caught up to today. Everyone keeps asking him to ask me out but he just ignores them, so I'm going to take matters into my own hands tomorrow. In the morning, I'm going to pull Carsen to the side and ask him if he wants to be more than friends. I'm worried. What if he doesn't? What if it ruins our friendship? I can't even imagine not being friends with him. So yeah, that's basically what's going on now. I'll tell you guys tomorrow how everything goes. Wish me luck! ;)