OddFiendlyForte

''Welcome to Hell," the sign should've read,
Reaching your destination-all in your head!
"Last call for the train heading to Nowhere Fast,"
The memories you create will forever last.
You want to buy a ticket, What's the cost, you ask?
Just hop on board, we'll talk once your trashed.
Close your eyes and picture something grand,
No peeking! Now trust me, and give me your hand!
To a beach with water and the sun shining down,
Open up! No beach here, you're hell bound.
Of course there's water! But it's for your rig and spoon,
Lil' girl, don't be afraid- 14 years old isn't that soon?
The men don't bite, but you'll be messed up beyond belief,
When you do pass out, not remembering- a relief.
Ashamed to face Mommy! Got to have that coke!
Shooting dope everyday, A girl with dreams lost all hope.
I laugh at you as you toss your life in the wind,
To far gone... it's us till' the end.
I'll be there when you loose your pride,
When you forget your morals, I'm at your side.
You'll cheat and steal to have that fix,
Won't take baby to the doctor although she's sick.
Getting a pill- definitely #1 on the list,
Oops. Another appointment baby missed.
Nanny buys diapers because Mommy stays high,
Daddy hits Mommy and the children cry.
After years of this bliss the kids got took,
Mommy is a junkie and fast becoming a crook.
You'll land in jail, a drug addict you remain,
Your heart turns cold as you play the game.
Do not pass go- strip your dignity right here,
This old man wants you, dry your tears,
Quote a price! Self respect long forgotten,
You'd sell your soul to the devil for an Oxycontin.
I told you girl the destination is in your head!
"Welcome To Hell!" Next stop... Well, she's dead.
I told you that I'd stick it out till' the end,
For me, you traded your dreams and kids,
Your Addiction, Life, and your faithful Friend.


 

 

I haven't sat down to write in quite a long time, not even a single post on facebook. My silence hasn't been completely by choice, just a lack of personal inspiration and yes, desire; it definitely was time.
Over the last month, I've had a chance to put pen and paper; I was expecting to write a design column, or even better, a love letter. Well, scratch off the love letter idea; Cupid's arrow hasn't flown in my direction for some time.
What I wrote down on that piece of paper was not what I had intended. The thoughts running through my head were much deeper than any design column I've ever written, but they did lead me in the direction of that love letter; apparently a much needed one to myself. 

 

Dear Aubree,
Where have you been, and what took away your bright spirit? You are paralyzed by some self-created fear, but only you can determine what that fear is. You have lived your life determined to be "good enough" for everyone; what happened to being good enough for yourself?
You deeply believe that coming to the aid of others is what God requires from you; have you ever thought of coming to your own aid? And always hiding behind that smile, making sure everyone around you is happy and having them believe that you are too; with whom do you share the real Aubree, no on. How do you think that makes your family and friends feel? They want to be there for you, as you have been for them.
Do you honestly think that if you say "no" to unrealistic requests or demands, that you will lose the respect of that person? Well, by always saying "yes" you lost your self respect. When will you ever give yourself permission to fail at something? The price you are paying to succeed is costing you more than any failure ever could. Living a life isolating yourself from internalized fears is not going to change on its own. Find the courage to step back into your true self and "live authentically", as you preach to others. Never lose faith that love will find you again; but first you have to be willing to open yourself up to being vulnerable, trust your heart to lead you.
Lastly, please laugh again, you were always the life of the party! The strength of laugher is stronger than any medication you could ever be prescribed.
I miss you!
Love, Aubree.

 

  
 

format by _Jannette

Do you know that there’s a halfway world between each ending and each new beginning? It’s called the hurting time. It’s a bog; it’s where your dreams and worries and forgotten plans gather. Your steps are heavier during that time. Don’t underestimate the transition between farewell and new departure. Give yourself the time you need. Some thresholds are too wide to be taken in one                  stride.
 

Format by destabilise.

Format by destabilise.

Format by destabilise.

“Do not make homes out of people. This will leave you homesick and sad, missing arms that cannot hold roofs, hearts with shaky foundations.