PandaPenguin

Status:
Joined: December 31, 2012
Last Seen: 6 years
user id: 344344
Gender: F
"Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free." J. Morrison. “You can’t save others from themselves because those who make a perpetual muddle of their lives don’t appreciate your interfering with the drama they’ve created. They want your poor-sweet-baby sympathy, but they don’t want to change.” ― Sue Grafton, T is for Trespass “All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.” ― Seán O'Casey

Quotes by PandaPenguin

Finn: "It's your own star"
Rachel: "You named a star after me?"
Finn: "No, I thought about that but then I named it Finn Hudson, because there is already a star called Rachel Berry and she's right here on earth and she's brighter than any of those stars up there. So I wanted to make sure that whenever she feels lonely, she can look up at the sky and no matter where I am, she can know that I'm looking down on her"

I saw this and wondered, what if we (fanbase) bought Lea a star named Cory Monteith? Just thougt it'd be nice. I just woke up. asdjnakjsdn
If you can't see anything beautiful about yourself. Get a better mirror. Look a little closer. Stare a little longer. Because there is something inside you that made you keep trying. Dispite everyone who told you to quit. You built a cast around you broken heart and signed it. You signed it "THEY WERE WRONG." They have to be wrong.. Why else would you still be here..
He came back...Now all I've ever said was if you come back you can be apart of her life.
But when he saw her, and leaned down and held a hand out to her, and she just stared,
with those big blue eyes she got from me. And he said; "She's adorable." and I responded:
"I know she's mine." And you looked at me with such a shocked expression that you couldn't 
fathom the idea that I didn't say 'ours'. But I just looked back, she is mine, and as much as you
want to be her father, as much as her 'daddy' isn't there. I always was, and you weren't.
So when I put her down for her nap, and we stayed up and talked, about her milestones,
hwo she just started walking two days ago, how her first word was "roar" because she knows 
mommy is addicted to energy drinks and everytime I get a monster now she says it over and over.
How she never really crawled, she just went army style everywhere. Or how on her first birthday 
she wouldn't eat her cake until everyone left the room except for me and my dad. But the one thing 
I never told him, however, about the picture of us beneith her crib matress. How I talk about you every
night to her, sometimes goodthings, other times bad. 

So when she woke up, and started crying when she saw you and you said; "She doesn't like new people
much does she?" And I responded; "You shouldn't be a new person to her." And you got mad and started raising your voice.

I gave Makenna to my dad.

I took you outside.

And I blew the f**k up.

Because no, you can not get mad for me calling you a stranger when that's what you are to my daughter.
You can't come back, one year and eight months later, expecting me to hand her over and live a mutual life with you.
Things were JUST starting to get better, but then you had to come along and fk up my happiness.

So no, I didn't feel bad when I kicked you off our property and told you if you came back or saw us in public and came up to us I would call the police. Because I simply don't want you around. I may be selfish, it may be the best thing that I've done.

But I am absolutally finished with you.
Makenna can choose if she wants to see you when she can make the decision for herself.
I will support her fully.
Don't want a penny in childsupport.
Just promise me that you'll leave us alone.
Mama you taught me to do the right things.
So now you have to let your baby fly.
You've given me everything I will need.
To take on this crazy thing called life.
Have I told you lately I love you like crazy girl?
I would say I missed you.

But I'm not into lying anymore.
I don't miss you.
But why don't you come back and be apart of your daughters life.
Because she needs a father, and if you don't fill the spot.
Then it's going to get replaced.
 
My story…
I was your basic troubled child, came from a broken home where if dad wasn’t saying nasty things about mom, mom was saying this about dad. They got a divorce when I was four years old. I didn’t see my dad for two years after that. Years went by and I grew away from my dad, I’d only see him six or seven times a year and it hurt me. Mentally I didn’t think I could live without my dad, but physically I knew I could make it through. I grew up with my mom telling me that I didn’t need a man to make me happy. Yet, she has always had a boyfriend, or a fiancé. Now don’t get the wrong idea about my mom, she doesn’t spend her life on her back, she’s been engaged to this ‘man’ for almost four years. Much to my dismay. I hate him with a  passion, he’s a jerk and doesn’t deserve my mom. But as much as I tell her, he’s still around. I never had many friends, and I was okay with that. I have two best friends, Cara and Cass, they don’t know each other because while Cara lives about five minutes from me, Cass lives in a whole different state. That brings me to online. I found a site when I was about nine years old, called Habbo. I met some of the best people in my life there.  Including my current boyfriend who I’ve known for five years. We started dating 8 months ago. I started getting friends outside of the internet when I was thirteen, but of course, they were the bad crowd. They smoked weed, and drank. But in all the darkness I found a boy, Shane. Oh that boy… I cried over him and cut over him, starved myself so he would like me, and I guess in the end it paid off.
Me and Shane were never a thing. But when I was fifteen, we made a big decision. I look back now and it probably wasn’t a big thing for him. But it was for me, because a month and five days later one July fifteenth I took a pregnancy test. My life was changed forever. Shane never did come to any of my doctors appointments. I didn’t mind, I knew that a guy wouldn’t stick around for me, if they didn’t stick around for my mom. Shane moved out of state with his uncle, and never had bothered to call or text, he even blocked me on facebook. I went through nine hard months of being scared and not knowing what I was going to do.
J.. Then on March 7th, six days before my 16th birthday, I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl. Makenna Sylvia Kay. The light of my life. She had the biggest blue eyes and she was so tiny, I was so happy, but at the same time so scared. This little human…was mine. And It was up to me to make sure she has everything I didn’t. I make sure every day. That she knows mommy loves her, and daddy doesn’t know what he’s missing out on.
I still tell Shane’s mom to tell him that even if Makenna grows up and doesn’t know him. She knows that it’s him who’s missing out.
She loves skyping with my current boyfriend Sean, he lives in Texas with his mom while we’re in Michigan. Some people think it’s not responsible, but what have I ever done that was?
In the end, after the years o self harm and self neglect.Thanks to my daughter and my family.

I finally love myself.
 
Wow I took Makenna to the Doctor today because she has a horrible cough, and an extremely running nose. Come to find out she has an earache and picked up a virus somewhere. She showed no signs of an earache. My poor baby. First time she's sick. (On the bright side Makenna's nurse was so smitten with her, he even called her princess and loved her outfit and shoes.) I hope my baby gets better soon. :( I don't like this at all.
“Sometimes you’re 23 and standing in the kitchen of your house making breakfast and brewing coffee and listening to music that for some reason is really getting to your heart. You’re just standing there thinking about going to work and picking up your dry cleaning. And also more exciting things like books you’re reading and trips you plan on taking and relationships that are springing into existence. Or fading from your me“Sometimes you’re 23 and standing in the kitchen of your house making breakfast and brewing coffee and listening to music that for some reason is really getting to your heart. You’re just standing there thinking about going to work and picking up your dry cleaning. And also more exciting things like books you’re reading and trips you plan on taking and relationships that are springing into existence. Or fading from your memory, which is far less exciting. And suddenly you just don’t feel at home in your skin or in your house and you just want home but “Mom’s” probably wouldn’t feel like home anymore either. There used to be the comfort of a number in your phone and ears that listened everyday and arms that were never for anyone else. But just to calm you down when you started feeling trapped in a five-minute period where nostalgia is too much and thoughts of this person you are feel foreign. When you realize that you’ll never be this young again but this is the first time you’ve ever been this old. When you can’t remember how you got from sixteen to here and all the same feel like sixteen is just as much of a stranger to you now. The song is over. The coffee’s done. You’re going to breathe in and out. You’re going to be fine in about five minutes.”