I was your basic troubled child, came from a broken home where if
dad wasn’t saying nasty things about mom, mom was saying
this about dad. They got a divorce when I was four years old. I
didn’t see my dad for two years after that. Years went by
and I grew away from my dad, I’d only see him six or seven
times a year and it hurt me. Mentally I didn’t think I
could live without my dad, but physically I knew I could make it
through. I grew up with my mom telling me that I didn’t
need a man to make me happy. Yet, she has always had a boyfriend,
or a fiancé. Now don’t get the wrong idea about my
mom, she doesn’t spend her life on her back, she’s
been engaged to this ‘man’ for almost four years.
Much to my dismay. I hate him with a passion, he’s a
jerk and doesn’t deserve my mom. But as much as I tell her,
he’s still around. I never had many friends, and I was okay
with that. I have two best friends, Cara and Cass, they
don’t know each other because while Cara lives about five
minutes from me, Cass lives in a whole different state. That
brings me to online. I found a site when I was about nine years
old, called Habbo. I met some of the best people in my life
there. Including my current boyfriend who I’ve known
for five years. We started dating 8 months ago. I started getting
friends outside of the internet when I was thirteen, but of
course, they were the bad crowd. They smoked weed, and drank. But
in all the darkness I found a boy, Shane. Oh that boy… I
cried over him and cut over him, starved myself so he would like
me, and I guess in the end it paid off.
Me and Shane were never a thing. But when I was fifteen, we made
a big decision. I look back now and it probably wasn’t a
big thing for him. But it was for me, because a month and five
days later one July fifteenth I took a pregnancy test. My life
was changed forever. Shane never did come to any of my doctors
appointments. I didn’t mind, I knew that a guy
wouldn’t stick around for me, if they didn’t stick
around for my mom. Shane moved out of state with his uncle, and
never had bothered to call or text, he even blocked me on
facebook. I went through nine hard months of being scared and not
knowing what I was going to do.
J.. Then on March 7th, six days before my
16th birthday, I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl.
Makenna Sylvia Kay. The light of my life. She had the biggest
blue eyes and she was so tiny, I was so happy, but at the same
time so scared. This little human…was mine. And It was up
to me to make sure she has everything I didn’t. I make sure
every day. That she knows mommy loves her, and daddy
doesn’t know what he’s missing out on.
I still tell Shane’s mom to tell him that even if Makenna
grows up and doesn’t know him. She knows that it’s
him who’s missing out.
She loves skyping with my current boyfriend Sean, he lives in
Texas with his mom while we’re in Michigan. Some people
think it’s not responsible, but what have I ever done that
In the end, after the years o self harm and self neglect.Thanks
to my daughter and my family.
I finally love myself.