Queenxo

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Joined: October 8, 2019
Last Seen: 4 days
user id: 402146

Queenxo's Favorite Quotes

Skies Of Dark October-
I open my eyes looking around My room and as usual I find myself alone. As I awaken from my sacred slumber I feel the energies around me as they begin to turn dark and cold.
I arise from the bed where I lay and make my way to the bathroom that is shrouded in darkness except for a small amount of light that illuminates from a tiny bulb above the sink. I start to remove my clothes starting with my shirt but am stopped in my tracks as I see coming through the window out of the corner of my eye a dim orange glow of light followed by a howling wind that would send shivers creeping down almost any humans spine. But as stand there alone I feel no chills or fear as I have come to Love the Darkness the sights and sounds that return from beyond their graves during this time of year.
I feel a sense of calmness a slight charm that I love and hold so near as I stare out into the horizon of the now dim orange glowing light as the sunsets and daylight dies once More under the dimming cold fluorescents  of the dark mid October skies.

it's like i'm making up for lost time.
gushing to you about everything i've done or been doing
clinging on for another hug or chance at cuddling.

all my forbidden fruits were complex feelings.

when betrayal and sadness could only be expressed through
the careful yet immature words of "i'm upset/angry."

but now i'm catching up on lost time. 
like how your name never lost meaning after saying it a million times:
i'll spew out "i love you" a million times over. 


[let's keep existing between this line of black and white.]
this grey is now a glowing silver and this heart has a lot of love to give.
after suppressing it all and only living out my dreams while i lie asleep,
now i want to keep making up for lost time in this space with you.

 
the big-little changes.

how two foot steps became four and two heart rhythms became one.
the three words that led to this path of light yet complex feelings.
the off the record conversations in a safe, secluded place.
how this tight chest situation was alleviated with a simple confession.

sighing less frequently, my facial expressions matching the feelings within.
the rush of warmth to my cheeks, a genuine smile.
the flicker in your eyes when you set the angel wings aside.
long drives, long walks & long stories told how they're supposed to be.
midnight arriving with the influx of love calls and promises.
the halo disappears but his words always remain sweet.


 
your superpower.

simply being with you.
as time passes,
i feel you pick up my
worries and shrink them
into tiny managable loads
of baggage.

sometimes you transform them into
little trinkets. You have a way of making
them appear as a fun challenge.

like gifts in disguise.

how pretty your eyes are.
you see only the good.
that eternal force that's been there all the way.
you're never alone, you're loved beyond comprehension.
overcoming misunderstandings and soft blocking rumination.
you are loved more than you will ever know

that certain feeling that creeps up on you after a long day:
on the bus ride home, before bed or during a shower,
when there's no podcast or music to drown out your inner monologue
that's when you decide who you are. that's when you reconnect with your true self.
that's when you feel the most stable.
It all just feels like it was a game.
You only wanted me more because
they wanted you to leave me.
Are your feelings even real?
I thought I had worth, but according to literally everyone else... I don’t. All of my boyfriends’ parents hated me and made or wanted them to break up with me. My school teachers expected nothing or the worst from me. My co-workers complain about me in general and me isolating myself, but when I try to connect they push me away. It seems like no matter what I do, I am never enough. What is wrong with me? I would give the shirt off my back for someone. I would be there for them no matter what. I would support them, even if their opinions and decisions didn’t match mine. I would fight for them, and stick up for them. I would genuinely care about their thoughts and feelings. I would do damn near anything for them; for a good friend. But I’d never get any of that back. I never have. Like everyone has apparently been trying to tell me my entire life, I just have no worth. I am disposable. I am a burden and weirdo. Why am I here ? Why was I given life when I have no one who cares enough to share it with ? What’s the point ?
i saw the human side of you again after a long time.
child-like. innocent. you were always great at drawing.
you told me a back story. you laughed as you told me
but it was quite sad.
"out of all the things i could be good at. my talent was this."
"i felt like i had to work hard to deserve everything.
even the basic, for granted things.
i couldn't just eat, i couldn't just be loved. 
in the same way i would compensate for a meal,
i always thought i could only love after making up.
i had to keep scores so i could stay one step behind.
i had to suffer to prove to myself that i was deserving.
what a heartbreakingly silly thing to have learnt.
My heart bleeds for the loss of my homeland How I hope that my feet touch his ground and breathe his air. I ask my heart, and it answers me and torments me, in love for my country and grieving for its separation. only my heart understands what is going on in my arteries