ReignMaker

I suppose- he's told me he loves me once, while hugging me why didn't he look me in the eyes and say it the way my ex did. I said it back after thinking about what I just heard. 

I got lost once in a place literally full of a bad crowd, and he dropped me home. Random kind act. Its raining, he makes me take the skytrain. Because it's too dangerous, doesn't call to ask if I'm doing okay, whether I made it home after he gets home nothing. I get home at 11:20. When I was dropped off on the sktrain at 10.

We don't discuss my occupation anymore, it's a thing of the past. My parents have met him, I've met his. Even been to his house dozens of times. Everyone including me is saying lets get married. He. He told me he's used to being the baby of the family. That's why he doesn't rush. I ask my gut right now why he does not discuss marriage or give me a date like normal couples do. He is unsure.

Why doesn't he text me the way I text him constantly. If things don't work out with him, the fact that my parents are involved now - they're going to end up finding somoen for me because they're going to think that I'm not good at it. What happens to him, will happen to him after that it can't be any of my concern.

I don't want to hurt myself again, I'm hurting now. Questioning weather this is a real relationship, does he love me if so? why doesn't he look me in the eyes, why doesn't he talk about marriage, why when i bring up marriage he gets so f'n weird. 

Why all of a sudden is he saying that I'm perfect appearance wise when before he used to say 24 inch waist is ideal, he straight up said 2 days ago on the phone i need to do something about my acne and stop eating junk food. 

As of now, I'm talking to him less and less everyday.  It's his turn to make things right. I'm sick of trying. If he turns out to be a douche, hell every guy on the planet is a douche. Period. So whoever I end up with will be no better than him. Life. 

I told him today I'm not mad, why would I be. He said he doesn't know. *Munwhre bells are ringing*

I'm 23 now, still no ring on my finger. No career either so. hmm. I'm not that pretty right now either, so I might as well work on that while I'm ignoring him.

I won't be posting our picures on insitagram anymore. I'm just going to make us a separate account. on ig

What is love? Why does the word make me hesitant, why do I chase what will never come to me.  

Don't look at what love is in movies, script writers make it appear perfect. Look at what God has written out for you and oh dear trust me it won't be peachy like movies.



What's love to you?
- Thinking about someone all day
- Surprising them, doing what you can to keep them happy
- Remembering the things they say to you
- Liking or even acting like you like those close to them
- Wanting to spend your time with them
- Wanting them around
- TELLING THEM YOU LOVE THEM & MEANING IT
- making sacrifices for them that you surprisingly thought you'd never make
- not calling it quits after your stupid fights / resolving fights ASAP
- Actually seeing a future with them, and not saying MAYBE it won't work out. That's like saying yeah I don't love you, I can see a future without you if stuff doesn't work out
-

I don't seem to believe he loves me. How is that thinking lowly of him? It isn't. I feel distance when I'm with him sometimes. Signs are there that you have nothing there. Yes he was a nice guy, but this guy thought with his head more than his heart. Kind of makes you wonder what size his heart is. You've been super hurt in the past before, of course you're gonna be cautious. But you are a strong woman, you're amazing. You're capable of anything and you don't need to get hurt over and over again.

It's like he was sick of me anyways. He wants a pamela anyways. 

You'll always be more beautiful on the inside than out and I don't mind. I like making ppl smile anyways :)

• click to see this quote •

• click to see this quote •

In your first paragraph you say that to make sure you both want the same thing and are ready for a step as big as moving in together, you asked your boyfriend whether he saw a longterm future with you. One would presume that, since you were doing the asking, you do see a longterm future — possibly leading to marriage — with this man, and that any answer from him to the contrary would mean you don’t “want the same things,” right? Well, your boyfriend truly does seem to be the “amazing guy” you say he is because he gave you a huge gift — the gift of honesty. He told you that he can’t see himself ever marrying you or having a life with you. It must have been a real blow to hear those words, but you are very, very lucky to have heard them now versus one, two, three years down the road after moving in with him and investing more time and energy in a relationship that doesn’t have a future. I know so many women who would have killed to hear those words before spending a big chunk of their 20s — and 30s — with men who would never commit to them.

So, knowing what you know now, you have to make a decision — one I really, really hope does NOT include moving in with the guy; you have to decide whether you’re going to stay with your boyfriend and enjoy the “here and now” or whether you’ll spare yourself further hurt feelings down the line and move on already. That’s a decision only you can make, but I can pose a few questions for you that may help you arrive at that decision a bit more clearly. First, can you truly enjoy the relationship anymore knowing that your boyfriend likely doesn’t feel for you the way you feel for him? Can you remain happy with someone you may very well have started considering “the one,” knowing he’s sure you aren’t his one? Would you just stay with him as long as he didn’t dump you for someone he has stronger feelings for, or do you anticipate some end date in the future you both agree on? If knowing your boyfriend doesn’t see a future with you now, what would be your reason for ending the relationship eventually? Obviously, it would have to end eventually. Relationships that don’t have a longterm future always do. So, would you rather be the one to control when things end, or do you want to give him all the power? By staying with him indefinitely, you do know you’re opting for the latter, right? If that’s something you’re OK with, and if you’re OK knowing you aren’t your boyfriend’s choice in a life partner and that you’re simply someone to enjoy companionship and intimacy with until he finds someone he likes better, then by all means, stay with him. But if you aren’t OK with all of that, I think you know what your decision needs to be. And really, the sooner the better.

'i guess all i'm saying is when you expect a forever commitment from me, it's really not something i can say...
you just never know what can happen. It is truthfully how i feel.'


what does this mean?

one day we havnt spoken. it feels like a long time

You're very very impuslive woman, who demands things from ppl and fail to realize that sometimes they don't want to do as you want them to. Or you imagine things are going your way. I read all you previous relationship quotes... and you fail to read in between the lines.

You're failing to read in between the lnes of your current relationship too.

There is your self analysis. You paid the price already once.

Dare you pay it again with the next one? He wants the best honey. He's dumped you once and even without realizing it blurted out how he can't settle for someone still figuring out their life. And these obstacles he's giving you over and over again. This is not insecurity telling you that he's going to dump you its your instinct, its your brain.

I demand you not to speak to him for the next 25 days, you are and you will be in a relationship with yourself for the next couple of days. And you'll find out why they run away.

Focus on school! & your fitness. Stay drama free. You are a queen. You will aspire to inspire and become a better woman day after day.

I guess my biggest fear is being alone. Having no one to love me, having no one to hug. That's what makes me human.
I hold onto my Bf who doesn't give two f's about me because I feel I just may love him, and that we get along so great that there can't be someone better than him.

Now I am looking into modeling, fitness. Jobs. I shall be the best I can be

So last night right after eating a brownie, I asked him why do you always say you're unsure about our future. We were cuddled up.
He asked me where do you see yourself 3 years from now?
I said happy. He said no really. I thought about it and said what do you mean? He said do you see yourself with a c a r e e r? fit blah blah blah.
I said dispatch. He looked at me like oh wow. How lame. But didn't say it.

He then said I can't settle with somone who's still figuring their life out in a smug way. He sounded so sure. So confident.

I got silent. Then and there I thought what if I never become something, what If I remain in this minumum wage job. What if I'll never be successful.
He's going to leave me point blank again. This guy has nothing to lose. He's successful, I guess he'll always have someone.

He's always been what if we don't work out. What if because of your parents? I say It's in my hands. What if the wedding doesn't work out- I go silent. What if you're not at where you want to be career wise (YOU'RE STUPID YOU LOSER, YOU'RE A NOBODY)

At that moment, I realized I may be just an option. He did not take in account how he feels for me. What type of person I am. Perhaps I was wrong about him and hes like every other piece of sh*t but just better at voicing his opinion and sugar coatingn his words.

Until now princess, I really want you to workout hard, very hard. Get those abs to show. Get smarter. You learn to voice your opinion better. Be a better person than yesterday and please as every day goes by smile, and keep that sense of humor running. It is the only thing that will help you get by.