(chapter
twelve)
"Ouch," I flinched when Seth pressed ice to my eye that was
swollen shut.
"Haden," his voice was serious, almost angry. "Who did
this."
"I...fell," I winced at my lame excuse. To look like
this, I'd had to of fallen out of a window.
He shook his head, sighing, and pressed the ice to my ice a
little more.
"You don't trust me?" he said with a crooked smile.
"I don't trust anyone," I muttered under my breath. He heard.
His jaw tightened but his eyes were soft.
"You can trust me," he said.
I didn't believe him. I still smiled back when he smiled at me,
all dimples.
* * *
We were sitting on the couch in his living room when he brought
it up again.
"Does he..." his voice was gentle, hesitant, "Does he hurt
you?"
I was sleepy just moments ago, but now I was wide awake. My
senses were all alert, and I could feel my blood pumping and my
heart racing. My chest heaved up and down once. Twice.
"What?" I could only ask.
"Your boyfriend. It was him, wasn't it?"
"That's...crazy! Of course not," I breathed. "It wasn't—I
told you, I fell," I finished lamely.
I could feel his eyes on me. I was tense all over.
His hand was touching my cheek, his fingertips trailing along
my jaw. "You don't have to stay with him," he said in a low
voice. "I know you think you can't get out, but you can."
"Stop," I said.
"It's okay to leave him. You don't need him."
"Stop that," I half shouted. I wrapped my arms around myself,
standing up. Seth had a dark look to him, his eyes cast
downwards, his jaw clenched tight. I could see the muscle in
his jaw ticking.
"Haden, why are you doing this to yourself?"
"I'm not doing anything," I said in a low voice. "You don't
know shit."
His hands cupped my face, tilted it upwards as he stared down
at me with a troubled expression on his face. "Why would you
want this for yourself?" he asked me. "Why would you stay if
you could get out?"
And then it hit me.
He'd been hurt before. He'd been abused before. That's why he
was getting so emotional. That's why he caught on so
quickly.
"Did someone hit you before?" I breathed.
His face tightened.
"No," he lied through his teeth.
"Don't lie."
"You're lying to me," he said, narrowing his eyes. "Why can't
I?"
"Who?" I demanded.
"My step dad," he finally admitted. "When I was a kid."
"I'm sorry," I whispered. He shook his head.
"Can I—" he took a deep breath, leaning down so our faces
were eye level. "Haden, I'm going to kiss you."
My eyes were wide.
"I'm..." he trailed off. His eyes were solely focused on my
lips. You have a boyfriend, a voice in my head said.
I didn't care.
Nothing mattered. I couldn't think of anything but how his skin
felt on my skin, how gentle he was, how he had been abused
too.
So when he whispered, "I'm going to kiss you," again, I didn't
protest.
I only felt my eyes closing.
comment for a reminder! :)
(chapter
ten) DEAN'S POV
I swallowed roughly. I beat her so bad she was left begging for
her daddy to help her.
Fυck, why couldn't she see I didn't want to do that to
her?
If she'd just...listen to me, if she'd just cooperate,
everything would be fine.
I paced and paced. I could hear her wailing and I was all the
way upstairs.
You went too far, you went way too far this time. She
probably hates you. I laughed cynically, my laugh coming
out ragged and loud. She already hates me.
I rubbed my hand over my face. I walked down the stairs.
She was curled up in a fetal position, trying to breathe
normally. Her face was bloody. One eye was swelled shut. I
turned my face away, unable to look.
I walked towards her, trying to ignore the way she shifted away
from me, turned her face away so she wouldn't have to look at
my face. I tried to ignore the way my stomach dropped when she
did that.
The way my whole body felt like someone was kicking me because
I'd put that fear in her eyes.
I'd put those bruises on her body.
"Haden," I said gently.
She flinched. I felt like throwing up. I knelt down next to her
and I heard her whimper when I reached out. I paused, dropping
my hand.
I love you, I said silently.
I reached out for her again and she tried to move away but it
must've hurt because she let out a ragged moan of pain and
clenched her jaw tightly.
"Monster," she said, her voice hoarse. Her eyes were shutting.
I saw red, anger boiling up in me. I swallowed it down, because
it had to be her pain talking. She couldn't... she couldn't
really think of me as a monster. "You're a monster," she said
and blood dribbled down her chin.
I got a flash of me hitting her in the side of her cheek, and
the way she fell to the floor.
My stomach flipped and I rushed towards the bathroom, just to
lose everything I'd eaten that day in the toilet.
I heaved and heaved, and then, finally, my stomach was
empty.
I saw blood on my knuckles and my stomach turned again because
it wasn't my blood. It was Haden's.
I scrubbed at my hands until they were red and raw.
With my chest heaving up and down, I looked into the
mirror.
Empty blue eyes stared back at me. Flushed cheeks. Pale
face.
Monster. Monster. Monster.
You're a monster.
I kneeled down, my chest still heaving.
I could hear her voice so clearly. You're a
monster.
"I know," I coughed out. "I know I am."
I could feel my eyes burning and I tried to stop it. I told
myself to man up. I took deep breaths, again and again but I
could still feel my eyes watering.
The only time I'd ever cried was that first night I'd hit
Haden. I had dropped her off at her house, not once looking at
her, and then when I got home, I cried until I couldn't
breathe.
And now, sitting in my bathroom, I bowed my head and started to
cry again.
okay this is his point of view, but i don't know, i feel
like i made him too soft.
i'm really bad at guy's pov in the first place, but yeah
tell me how it is!
comment for a reminder ! :)
(chapter
nine)
I was outside waiting for Dean to pick me up when I saw
him.
Seth, I thought frantically, one part of me excited,
the other wanting to run the hell away. I just stared at
him blankly, not quite believing my eyes, and he stared back. I
hoped silently he'd just walk away, storm off, or glare at me
so it'd be easier not to like him so much. Not to like how
sweet and gentle and forgiving he was. My heart sped up
when he started walking towards me, a determined glint in his
eyes.
"Haden," he said.
"Hi." My voice was quieter than I would have liked.
He squinted down at me, his dimples nowhere in sight. "What's
wrong?" he asked and there was true concern in his voice.
"What—?" I laughed, looking around frantically. "Nothing.
Everything's great."
He clenched his jaw, but let it go, sitting down next to me.
His dimples appeared when he gave me a half smile. God, I loved
them.
"Who you waiting for?" he asked me.
My abusive, fυcking crazy boyfriend. Did I mention
I'm now being forced to be with him?
"No one," I
told him instead. He looked like he didn't believe me, but he
just smiled and his nose crinkled like it always did when he
smiled.
"Do you want to hang out sometime again?" he said and tilted
his head, and I was screaming at myself, say no! Do you
have a death wish or something?
I must, because I answered, "Yes," and I couldn't hide the
smile or the way my cheeks heated up.
He swallowed as he stared at me, and his hand reached up. I
didn't flinch.
Simply stared, my breathing accelerated, the air
electrified.
He looked like he wanted to touch my cheek, or brush the hair
away from my face, so I waited, lips parted. I think I even
leaned closer.
But instead, he worried his bottom lip and dropped his hand,
looking down for a second.
Why'd he change his mind?
I didn't have time to ponder this before I saw Dean pulling
closer to where I was sat on the curb and I stumbled up.
I waved to Seth who looked bemused but he still smiled and I
heard him call out that he'd text me.
I didn't bother to respond, running towards Dean's car, hoping
my cheeks weren't still red.
"Hey, love," Dean said with a small smile, brushing his fingers
over my jaw.
I didn't answer, only swallowing hard.
His fingers found my wrist and gripped tight. "Hi," I choked
out. He only loosened his hold slightly.
He held it tight the whole way to his house.
I knew there'd be a bruise.
Why are you still here? Why, why, why.
I didn't know.
Dean's eyes were on me, his fingers brushing over my jaw again,
nearly making me flinch.
"Haden, you're so beautiful," he groaned. "I love you," he
kissed my jaw line.
My pulse speedened up. I was terrified. There was a dark glint
in his eyes I'd never seen before. I started to back away but
he held me fast.
"Don't you love me?"
I didn't answer. I couldn't speak. Couldn't move.
"I said, don't you love me?" his voice got more
forceful. His kisses only got more aggressive.
"No," I answered lowly, my voice barely audible but I knew he
heard by the way his whole body tensed up. "No, I don't."
And then I started to cry. My shoulders shook and my bruises
ached, and I could only see Dean's dark eyes.
"I'll give you one more chance, Haden," he ground out, his lips
at my jaw. "You love me, don't you?"
"Not anymore," I whispered.
Do what you want with me, I thought wishing I was
brave enough to say it. Do your worst, Dean. You've already
taken everything from me. So nothing can hurt that
bad.
I shouldn't have underestimated him.
He left me on the floor of his living room, my body writhing,
crying for my daddy—who had passed from cancer when I was
six.
"Daddy," I sobbed. "Daddy, where are you—please,
please, take me away from here." My voice was hoarse, my
breathing so accelerated I could barely get the words out
Everything was on fire. Everything hurt inside me. I sobbed,
and sobbed into the carpet.
I rocked back and forth. Close your eyes Haden, maybe you
won't wake up.
I closed my eyes tight. I hoped I didn't wake up.
dean's pov next chapter anyone? ~ cmment if you want it
~
comment for reminder for the next chapter! :)
poor haden :(
(chapter
eight)
"Where have you been?" a voice whispered in my ear when I shut
my locker.
My heart nearly jumped out of my chest as I spun around to see
Dean, a soft half smile on his face and his hair falling into
his forehead. My eyes widened and I nearly stumbled backwards
into the wall of lockers out of fright.
"Leave me alone," I stuttered, my heart racing and my palms
starting to sweat.
"What?" he asked as if I was being ridiculous.
My jaw clenched. "You put me in the hospital," I hissed. Not
that he hadn't before, but this time I'd lost more than my
dignity, and my self esteem. I'd had to lose Seth too.
He sighed softly, brushing the hair away from my face and I
resisted the urge to recoil away from his touch.
"I'm sorry about that," he said like it was just something he
could make go away by saying sorry. "It was a mistake to do
that."
"A mistake, Dean," I growled, "Is when you left my favorite
shoes out in the rain and they got ruined. This? This wasn't an
accident."
I whimpered in fear when he shoved me up against the locker,
his knee pressing into my thigh, hard.
"Listen here," he said in a low voice that was scarier than if
he'd been yelling. "Don't think I won't hurt you just because
I'm trying to make things right between us," he made sure his
elbow was digging into my windpipe and I tried to cough but
nothing came out.
"I will still hurt you."
I will still hurt you. The words echoed in my head
over and over. I can never escape this.
I felt myself panicing inside, my breaths coming out in
shorter, faster pants. Dean's eyes softened slightly and got a
concerned look in them and I was disgusted by it.
I started to hyperventilate and his eyes widened.
"Haden..." he trailed off nervously. "Stop. Hey," he snapped
his fingers a few times, his voice nervous but also gruff.
"Stop that."
I tried to slow my breathing. My ribs ached. My arms hurt.
Everywhere hurt, throbbing with pain and only because he was
near me.
I will still hurt you.
I gasped outloud, his voice so real inside my head, deadly and
low and sending shivers down my spine.
"Haden," Dean whispered roughly. He grabbed my face so roughly
that I winced, "We're not over. We're not over until I say we
are." He shook me like I was a rag doll. "Do you understand
that? Do you?"
"Yes," I could only cough out before he let me drop, my head
banging against the floor.
"Good," he smiled, pleased. He brushed off his jeans like he
hadn't just assaulted me. "Love you, baby. I'll pick you up
after school."
I couldn't stop the tears from flowing.
Idiot. You're a weakling. Look what you've just done to
yourself. Do you like this pain? Do you like this suffering? Is
that why you let him treat you like absolute dirt?
My shoulders started shaking with pent up sobs. Soon my whole
body was shuddering.
Only one voice was in my mind—deadly, low, no arguement
at all— It's not over until I say it is.
I'M SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT D: it will never happen again, I
promise.
Comment for a reminder when the next chapter is up!
(:
(chapter
seven)
I woke up to a slow beeping sound, and quiet whispering. I
kept my eyes shut tight, trying to keep my breathing deep and
slow.
"Do you think she'll be okay?" a voice asked, worried.
"I think she has a few fractured ribs, one broken arm...other
than that, yes. Who did you say you were again?" The
doctor, I assumed, sounded suspicious as they asked.
"Her...boyfriend. I'm her boyfriend."
"Oh, well. She seems to be waking up now."
My heartbeats grew more frantic and the doctor chuckled under
their breath because they probably knew I'd been listening the
whole time.
I opened my eyes, expecting Dean. Apoligetic and sad. I
expected the words, I'm so sorry please forgive
me.
Instead, I saw someone else.
Seth. My eyes went wide as I stared at him staring at me,
wondering why he was here, and then wondering if he knew why
I was here.
"What are you doing here?" I blurted out, unable to help myself
and I saw his shoulders deflate only slightly, before he was up
and out of his seat, his face close to mine.
"What the hell happened last night?" Seth asked, and my
heartbeat sped up at his angry tone.
I swallowed. I watched him raise his hand and everything
stopped.
Why couldn't I escape this life? Everywhere I went, someone
wanted to cause me pain.
"Please, no," I panted, flinching away from his hand. "Please,"
I mumbled into my knees.
"Haden."
I looked up.
"You thought I was going to hit you?" There was an angry edge
to his voice, and his eyes went kind of flat. I just stared at
him. His hands raised again, but this time I decided I would
rather see the hit coming than flinch away. He simply put his
hands on both sides of my face, leaning in close so I could
count his freckles if I wanted to.
"I would never hit you. Ever." I nodded even though I
didn't really believe him.
He exhaled deeply, his chest rising and falling.
"Who did this to you?"
The night was fuzzy. Everything after Dean found me was
fuzzy.
I could remember the pain, the taunting, and then I think at
some point I had blacked out.
"No one."
"I found you there," Seth said slowly, his fist clenching and
unclenching slightly. "I found you lying on the ground
bloody!You didn't do that yourself, god damnit!" he neary
shouted, before he lowered his voice.
"I fell," I said flatly, believing it would be easier if I
ended it now.
Dean wouldn't hurt him this way.
For some reason, I wanted to protect this dimpled, sweet boy
who had promised to never hit me.
"I don't believe you," Seth said, shaking his head, staring at
me with determination in his eyes.
"That's too bad then," I half-shouted. "Just get out," I
whispered, drained.
When he didn't leave, I yelled it again. "Get out! I don't want
to see you."
Seth shoved himself up.
I closed my eyes, turned my head, and didn't bother to watch
the door slam shut after him.
I had done him a favor. Knowing me would only screw up his
life. I won't be that selfish, I thought to myself as
just one tear rolled down my cheek. I wiped it away.
No more crying.
comment for notification ~ opinions on this chapter ?!!?!?!?!
lol.
(chapter
six)
"I
feel like you don't want to talk to me anymore," Dean said.
I swallowed roughly.
"Please, Haden. I thought.. I mean, I haven't gotten angry in
weeks. I thought maybe we were okay."
It was true, but it felt too fake. Too temporary. I felt like
any second he was going to snap. And it would be much worse
than before.
"I want to go out tonight," I said.
"Okay, where?" His face lit up.
"Alone," I said. His face fell. "I want to go out alone."
I couldn't remember the last time I'd just had a night to
myself. A night without Dean watching over me like a guard dog.
Pulling me aside in a secluded area to hit me. I flinched
slightly. To hit me repeatedly.
"Why?" he asked. His voice had an edge to it.
I closed my eyes, expecting to be hit. For him to demand who it
was I was seeing. I opened my eyes. He was just
staring at me.
What? Why wasn't he hitting me? Kicking me? Anything at
all...
"Okay," his voice was choked. He was swallowing down the anger
building inside of him. How he did it, I had no idea.
"Really?" I asked him. "Are you serious?"
"As long as you make it home by at least nine."
He gave me a curfew. God, what kind of relationship was this? I
left soon after, only one person in mind.
Seth.
* * *
"I'm happy you came," Seth said. His dimples showed as he
smiled wide at me.
"Me too," I said, paranoid that somehow Dean could see me with
another guy. Like he hadn't trusted me enough to go out alone,
and he was watching me.
I wrapped my arms around myself as Seth and I walked down a
street that was crowded with people. A chill made goosebumps
cover my arms and legs. I knew I should've worn more than a
sundress but I couldn't help but want to impress Seth.
Even if I wasn't that much to look at, I wanted to look like I
had tried.
When our fingers brushed and Seth hooked his pinky onto mine, a
voice in my head said, You have a boyfriend.
An abusive one, I retorted.
I shivered again only slightly, hoping Seth hadn't noticed.
"Cold?" he asked, tilting his head, his nose crinkling in the
most adorable way ever.
"No," I said even though I kind of was.
He still wrapped an arm around me and pulled me closer, sharing
his body heat.
At first I stiffened, until finally, I relaxed. I could still
feel the chilling sensation of eyes watching me.
I could feel myself relaxing into him as the night went on and
we ate dinner at a small, but nice resterant.
When he leaned over and smiled at me, our faces close, I could
see freckles on his nose.
His eyelashes were crazy long, too. He was too sweet.
Gentle. Playful. Everything Dean wasn't. Tried to be, but
just...couldn't be.
All I could see when I looked at Dean was his fists, and his
angry, angry eyes.
When Seth held my hand under the table, I thought, This
isn't your life, Haden. I knew it wasn't. But I
could't help but wish it was. When the waiter came with the
check, I reached into my purse to pay half, but Seth stopped
me.
"Hey, I'm the guy. I'll pay," he rolled his eyes like I was
being silly.
"But that's for dates," I said, in a mock scolding tone.
A sly grin stretched across his face. "I was under the
impression that this was a date." I could feel myself
blushing.
"I have a boyfriend," I said.
"As you keep telling me," he said and I could've sworn I heard
envy in his tone.
I excused myself to the bathroom, humming to myself almost
happily as I made my way to the ladies room and that's when I
felt a vice like grip on my arm, pulling me roughly out of the
resterant's back door, panic filling me quickly.
I closed my eyes tight when I heard his menacing, dark voice in
my ear.
"You've been a very bad girl." His voice was full of
promise. Promise to hurt me.
He'd found me. And now I was going to pay for it.
I could only feel the brutal kicks to my ribs, and punches to
my face, and I prayed to black out soon.
But I never did. Blow after blow, I felt it all.
woah wicked long! hope you guys don't mind (: comment for a
reminder!
(chapter
five)
Dean
was better. For the next two weeks, I felt safe.
But also nervous, waiting for him to snap again. Waiting to see
his eyes darken and raise his fist at me.
Dean smiled at me while we laid on the couch in his living
room.
He leaned up to kiss me and I flinched backwards, swallowing
hard. He stared at me with slightly widened eyes.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I said too quickly.
"Do you not want to kiss me?" he asked quietly, his eyes cast
downwards.
"It's not like that," I said in a small voice. He just nodded
and I couldn't contain the surprise on my face at the fact that
he hadn't gotten angry. Maybe he really had changed. My heart
already felt lighter.
He walked towards his kitchen and I could hear him ruffling
through the fridge.
"Babe!" I heard him call out from the kitchen. "Joe's having a
party tonight. You're coming right?"
I bit my lip, thinking of the first time we went to a party.
Also the first time he had hit me.
"Yeah," I answered. "Sure."
* * *
"You're going to put a jacket on, right?" Dean asked, eyeing
the blue dress I had on that was tight, but not too
tight.
"It's hot out, though," I said.
His jaw clenched.
"Yeah," he said and it sounded like he had to choke it out. I
held his hand tight in my own.
He had just swallowed his anger. I smiled. A really, real big
smile.
He noticed. I felt him smiling as he kissed the side of my
head.
When we got to the party, I could feel the grass vibrating
under my feet from how loud the music was playing. I felt
Dean's arm cover my waist possesively, and I said nothing.
Girls and guys smiled at us, but mostly at Dean.
I was only known as Dean's girlfriend.
"Stay close, okay?" he whispered against my jaw line. I nodded,
looking around us.
He trailed through the party, grinning and drinking beer. I
wanted to stay sober, so I settled on soda.
While he played beer pong in the backyard with his friends, I
sat on a stool, twirling my cup around.
"Hey," a voice said. I looked up to see Seth, his dimples and
all.
"Hi," I said shyly.
"You look..." he trailed off. I felt myself blushing. I crossed
my arms over my chest.
"I look what?" I asked cheekily, smiling and looking at him
from under my lashes.
Surprise jolted through me. Was I flirting with him?
When he grinned and leaned a little closer, I had my
answer.
He tilted his head. "Miss Haden, I thought you had a
boyfriend," he said in a teasing tone that made me laugh but
also look around for where my boyfriend was. I saw him in the
corner of my eye, whooping and grinning after he won a round of
beer pong.
I breathed a sigh of relief. I was safe.
I turned back to Seth, simply smiling at him.
I examined him as he was looking at me. He really was handsome.
With wavy brown hair that was cut short, and brown eyes that
were warm and nothing like Dean's, just looking at him made me
feel a little flushed.
"So," I said, swinging my legs.
"Want to go for a walk?" he asked me, raising his eyebrows.
I nodded.
What the hell was I doing!
I still followed him out as we walked on the sidewalk. I took
off my heels, and like the sweetheart he was, he held them for
me. I bit my lip while he wasn't looking, thinking about how
much sweeter he was than Dean.
I closed my eyes. I shouldn't be doing this.
Flirting. Walking with someone while I'm taken.
Because we were doing more than walking. Every few seconds our
hands would brush and Seth would play with my fingers. Then he
would send a smirk my way that was anything but conceited. It
was gentle. Playful.
So when he asked, "When can I see you, Miss Haden?"
I said, "Soon," and gave him my number.
And I smiled that whole night, even while I drove a passed out
Dean home.
Half asleep, my phone vibrated under my cheek and I jolted
awake, barely noticing Dean sleeping beside me, snoring
loudly.
On the screen of my phone it said: Text from Seth.
I read it and grinned, my heart filling up with something.
Something like happiness.
You looked beautiful tonight.
comment for a reminder! (: