Joined: May 9, 2011
Last Seen: 1 decade
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i'm an idiot who is already successfully addicted to coffee and i sleep way too much. sleep is beautiful

Quotes by SMstories


                                                                                        (chapter twelve)         
"Ouch," I flinched when Seth pressed ice to my eye that was swollen shut.
"Haden," his voice was serious, almost angry. "Who did this."
 "I...fell," I winced at my lame excuse. To look like this, I'd had to of fallen out of a window.
He shook his head, sighing, and pressed the ice to my ice a little more. 
"You don't trust me?" he said with a crooked smile.
"I don't trust anyone," I muttered under my breath. He heard. His jaw tightened but his eyes were soft.
"You can trust me," he said.
I didn't believe him. I still smiled back when he smiled at me, all dimples.
 * * *
We were sitting on the couch in his living room when he brought it up again.
"Does he..." his voice was gentle, hesitant, "Does he hurt you?"
I was sleepy just moments ago, but now I was wide awake. My senses were all alert, and I could feel my blood pumping and my heart racing. My chest heaved up and down once. Twice.
"What?" I could only ask.
"Your boyfriend. It was him, wasn't it?"
"That's...crazy! Of course not," I breathed. "It wasn't—I told you, I fell," I finished lamely.
 I could feel his eyes on me. I was tense all over.
His hand was touching my cheek, his fingertips trailing along my jaw. "You don't have to stay with him," he said in a low voice. "I know you think you can't get out, but you can."
"Stop," I said.
"It's okay to leave him. You don't need him."
"Stop that," I half shouted. I wrapped my arms around myself, standing up. Seth had a dark look to him, his eyes cast downwards, his jaw clenched tight. I could see the muscle in his jaw ticking.
"Haden, why are you doing this to yourself?"
"I'm not doing anything," I said in a low voice. "You don't know sh­it."
His hands cupped my face, tilted it upwards as he stared down at me with a troubled expression on his face. "Why would you want this for yourself?" he asked me. "Why would you stay if you could get out?"
And then it hit me. 
He'd been hurt before. He'd been abused before. That's why he was getting so emotional. That's why he caught on so quickly.
"Did someone hit you before?" I breathed.
His face tightened. 
"No," he lied through his teeth.
"Don't lie."
"You're lying to me," he said, narrowing his eyes. "Why can't I?"
"Who?" I demanded.
"My step dad," he finally admitted. "When I was a kid."
"I'm sorry," I whispered. He shook his head. 
"Can I—" he took a deep breath, leaning down so our faces were eye level. "Haden, I'm going to kiss you."
My eyes were wide.
"I'm..." he trailed off. His eyes were solely focused on my lips. You have a boyfriend, a voice in my head said. 
I didn't care.
Nothing mattered. I couldn't think of anything but how his skin felt on my skin, how gentle he was, how he had been abused too.
So when he whispered, "I'm going to kiss you," again, I didn't protest.
I only felt my eyes closing.

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                                                                                        (chapter ten)  DEAN'S POV                 
I swallowed roughly. I beat her so bad she was left begging for her daddy to help her.
Fυck, why couldn't she see I didn't want to do that to her?
If she'd just...listen to me, if she'd just cooperate, everything would be fine.
I paced and paced. I could hear her wailing and I was all the way upstairs.
You went too far, you went way too far this time. She probably hates you. I laughed cynically, my laugh coming out ragged and loud. She already hates me. 
I rubbed my hand over my face. I walked down the stairs.
She was curled up in a fetal position, trying to breathe normally. Her face was bloody. One eye was swelled shut. I turned my face away, unable to look.
I walked towards her, trying to ignore the way she shifted away from me, turned her face away so she wouldn't have to look at my face. I tried to ignore the way my stomach dropped when she did that. 
The way my whole body felt like someone was kicking me because I'd put that fear in her eyes.
I'd put those bruises on her body.
"Haden," I said gently.
She flinched. I felt like throwing up. I knelt down next to her and I heard her whimper when I reached out. I paused, dropping my hand.
I love you, I said silently. 
I reached out for her again and she tried to move away but it must've hurt because she let out a ragged moan of pain and clenched her jaw tightly. 
"Monster," she said, her voice hoarse. Her eyes were shutting. I saw red, anger boiling up in me. I swallowed it down, because it had to be her pain talking. She couldn't... she couldn't really think of me as a monster. "You're a monster," she said and blood dribbled down her chin.
I got a flash of me hitting her in the side of her cheek, and the way she fell to the floor.
My stomach flipped and I rushed towards the bathroom, just to lose everything I'd eaten that day in the toilet.
I heaved and heaved, and then, finally, my stomach was empty.
I saw blood on my knuckles and my stomach turned again because it wasn't my blood. It was Haden's.
I scrubbed at my hands until they were red and raw.
With my chest heaving up and down, I looked into the mirror.
Empty blue eyes stared back at me. Flushed cheeks. Pale face.
Monster. Monster. Monster.
You're a monster.
I kneeled down, my chest still heaving.
I could hear her voice so clearly. You're a monster.
"I know," I coughed out. "I know I am."
I could feel my eyes burning and I tried to stop it. I told myself to man up. I took deep breaths, again and again but I could still feel my eyes watering.
The only time I'd ever cried was that first night I'd hit Haden. I had dropped her off at her house, not once looking at her, and then when I got home, I cried until I couldn't breathe.
And now, sitting in my bathroom, I bowed my head and started to cry again.

okay this is his point of view, but i don't know, i feel like i made him too soft.
i'm really bad at guy's pov in the first place, but yeah tell me how it is!
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                                                                                        (chapter nine) 
I was outside waiting for Dean to pick me up when I saw him.
Seth, I thought frantically, one part of me excited, the other wanting to run the hell away. I just stared at him blankly, not quite believing my eyes, and he stared back. I hoped silently he'd just walk away, storm off, or glare at me so it'd be easier not to like him so much. Not to like how sweet and gentle and forgiving he was. My heart sped up when he started walking towards me, a determined glint in his eyes. 
"Haden," he said.
"Hi." My voice was quieter than I would have liked.
He squinted down at me, his dimples nowhere in sight. "What's wrong?" he asked and there was true concern in his voice.
"What—?" I laughed, looking around frantically. "Nothing. Everything's great."
He clenched his jaw, but let it go, sitting down next to me. His dimples appeared when he gave me a half smile. God, I loved them.
"Who you waiting for?" he asked me.
My abusive, fυcking crazy boyfriend. Did I mention I'm now being forced to be with him?
 "No one," I told him instead. He looked like he didn't believe me, but he just smiled and his nose crinkled like it always did when he smiled.
"Do you want to hang out sometime again?" he said and tilted his head, and I was screaming at myself, say no! Do you have a death wish or something?
I must, because I answered, "Yes," and I couldn't hide the smile or the way my cheeks heated up.
He swallowed as he stared at me, and his hand reached up. I didn't flinch.
Simply stared, my breathing accelerated, the air electrified.
He looked like he wanted to touch my cheek, or brush the hair away from my face, so I waited, lips parted. I think I even leaned closer.
But instead, he worried his bottom lip and dropped his hand, looking down for a second.
Why'd he change his mind?
I didn't have time to ponder this before I saw Dean pulling closer to where I was sat on the curb and I stumbled up.
I waved to Seth who looked bemused but he still smiled and I heard him call out that he'd text me.
I didn't bother to respond, running towards Dean's car, hoping my cheeks weren't still red.
"Hey, love," Dean said with a small smile, brushing his fingers over my jaw.
I didn't answer, only swallowing hard.
His fingers found my wrist and gripped tight. "Hi," I choked out. He only loosened his hold slightly. 
He held it tight the whole way to his house. 
 I knew there'd be a bruise.
Why are you still here? Why, why, why.
I didn't know.
Dean's eyes were on me, his fingers brushing over my jaw again, nearly making me flinch. 
"Haden, you're so beautiful," he groaned. "I love you," he kissed my jaw line.
My pulse speedened up. I was terrified. There was a dark glint in his eyes I'd never seen before. I started to back away but he held me fast.
"Don't you love me?"
I didn't answer. I couldn't speak. Couldn't move.
"I said, don't you love me?" his voice got more forceful. His kisses only got more aggressive.
"No," I answered lowly, my voice barely audible but I knew he heard by the way his whole body tensed up. "No, I don't."
And then I started to cry. My shoulders shook and my bruises ached, and I could only see Dean's dark eyes. 
"I'll give you one more chance, Haden," he ground out, his lips at my jaw. "You love me, don't you?"
"Not anymore," I whispered.
Do what you want with me, I thought wishing I was brave enough to say it. Do your worst, Dean. You've already taken everything from me. So nothing can hurt that bad.
I shouldn't have underestimated him.
He left me on the floor of his living room, my body writhing, crying for my daddy—who had passed from cancer when I was six. 
"Daddy," I sobbed. "Daddy, where are you—please, please, take me away from here." My voice was hoarse, my breathing so accelerated I could barely get the words out
Everything was on fire. Everything hurt inside me. I sobbed, and sobbed into the carpet.
I rocked back and forth. Close your eyes Haden, maybe you won't wake up.
I closed my eyes tight. I hoped I didn't wake up.

dean's pov next chapter anyone? ~ cmment if you want it ~
comment for reminder for the next chapter! :) 
poor haden :( 



                                                                                        (chapter eight) 
"Where have you been?" a voice whispered in my ear when I shut my locker.
My heart nearly jumped out of my chest as I spun around to see Dean, a soft half smile on his face and his hair falling into his forehead. My eyes widened and I nearly stumbled backwards into the wall of lockers out of fright.
"Leave me alone," I stuttered, my heart racing and my palms starting to sweat.
"What?" he asked as if I was being ridiculous.
My jaw clenched. "You put me in the hospital," I hissed. Not that he hadn't before, but this time I'd lost more than my dignity, and my self esteem. I'd had to lose Seth too.
He sighed softly, brushing the hair away from my face and I resisted the urge to recoil away from his touch.
"I'm sorry about that," he said like it was just something he could make go away by saying sorry. "It was a mistake to do that."
"A mistake, Dean," I growled, "Is when you left my favorite shoes out in the rain and they got ruined. This? This wasn't an accident."
I whimpered in fear when he shoved me up against the locker, his knee pressing into my thigh, hard.
"Listen here," he said in a low voice that was scarier than if he'd been yelling. "Don't think I won't hurt you just because I'm trying to make things right between us," he made sure his elbow was digging into my windpipe and I tried to cough but nothing came out.
"I will still hurt you."
I will still hurt you. The words echoed in my head over and over. I can never escape this.
I felt myself panicing inside, my breaths coming out in shorter, faster pants. Dean's eyes softened slightly and got a concerned look in them and I was disgusted by it.
I started to hyperventilate and his eyes widened.
"Haden..." he trailed off nervously. "Stop. Hey," he snapped his fingers a few times, his voice nervous but also gruff. "Stop that."
I tried to slow my breathing. My ribs ached. My arms hurt. Everywhere hurt, throbbing with pain and only because he was near me. 
I will still hurt you.
I gasped outloud, his voice so real inside my head, deadly and low and sending shivers down my spine.
"Haden," Dean whispered roughly. He grabbed my face so roughly that I winced, "We're not over. We're not over until I say we are." He shook me like I was a rag doll. "Do you understand that? Do you?" 
"Yes," I could only cough out before he let me drop, my head banging against the floor.
"Good," he smiled, pleased. He brushed off his jeans like he hadn't just assaulted me. "Love you, baby. I'll pick you up after school."
I couldn't stop the tears from flowing.
Idiot. You're a weakling. Look what you've just done to yourself. Do you like this pain? Do you like this suffering? Is that why you let him treat you like absolute dirt?
My shoulders started shaking with pent up sobs. Soon my whole body was shuddering.
Only one voice was in my mind—deadly, low, no arguement at all— It's not over until I say it is.

I'M SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT D: it will never happen again, I promise.  
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                                                                                        (chapter seven) 
I woke up to a slow beeping sound, and quiet whispering. I kept my eyes shut tight, trying to keep my breathing deep and slow.
"Do you think she'll be okay?" a voice asked, worried.
"I think she has a few fractured ribs, one broken arm...other than that, yes.  Who did you say you were again?" The doctor, I assumed, sounded suspicious as they asked.
"Her...boyfriend. I'm her boyfriend."
"Oh, well. She seems to be waking up now."
My heartbeats grew more frantic and the doctor chuckled under their breath because they probably knew I'd been listening the whole time.
I opened my eyes, expecting Dean. Apoligetic and sad. I expected the words, I'm so sorry please forgive me.
Instead, I saw someone else.
Seth. My eyes went wide as I stared at him staring at me, wondering why he was here, and then wondering if he knew why I was here. 
"What are you doing here?" I blurted out, unable to help myself and I saw his shoulders deflate only slightly, before he was up and out of his seat, his face close to mine.
"What the hell happened last night?" Seth asked, and my heartbeat sped up at his angry tone.
I swallowed. I watched him raise his hand and everything stopped.
Why couldn't I escape this life? Everywhere I went, someone wanted to cause me pain.
"Please, no," I panted, flinching away from his hand. "Please," I mumbled into my knees.
I looked up.
"You thought I was going to hit you?" There was an angry edge to his voice, and his eyes went kind of flat. I just stared at him. His hands raised again, but this time I decided I would rather see the hit coming than flinch away. He simply put his hands on both sides of my face, leaning in close so I could count his freckles if I wanted to.
"I would never hit you. Ever." I nodded even though I didn't really believe him.
He exhaled deeply, his chest rising and falling.
"Who did this to you?"
The night was fuzzy. Everything after Dean found me was fuzzy.
I could remember the pain, the taunting, and then I think at some point I had blacked out.
"No one."
"I found you there," Seth said slowly, his fist clenching and unclenching slightly. "I found you lying on the ground bloody!You didn't do that yourself, god damnit!" he neary shouted, before he lowered his voice.
"I fell," I said flatly, believing it would be easier if I ended it now.
Dean wouldn't hurt him this way. 
For some reason, I wanted to protect this dimpled, sweet boy who had promised to never hit me.
"I don't believe you," Seth said, shaking his head, staring at me with determination in his eyes.
"That's too bad then," I half-shouted. "Just get out," I whispered, drained.
When he didn't leave, I yelled it again. "Get out! I don't want to see you."
Seth shoved himself up. 
I closed my eyes, turned my head, and didn't bother to watch the door slam shut after him.
I had done him a favor. Knowing me would only screw up his life. I won't be that selfish, I thought to myself as just one tear rolled down my cheek. I wiped it away.
No more crying. 

comment for notification ~ opinions on this chapter ?!!?!?!?! lol. 


                                                                                        (chapter six)
"I feel like you don't want to talk to me anymore," Dean said.
I swallowed roughly.
"Please, Haden. I thought.. I mean, I haven't gotten angry in weeks. I thought maybe we were okay."
It was true, but it felt too fake. Too temporary. I felt like any second he was going to snap. And it would be much worse than before.
"I want to go out tonight," I said.
"Okay, where?" His face lit up.
"Alone," I said. His face fell. "I want to go out alone."
I couldn't remember the last time I'd just had a night to myself. A night without Dean watching over me like a guard dog. Pulling me aside in a secluded area to hit me. I flinched slightly. To hit me repeatedly. 
"Why?" he asked. His voice had an edge to it. 
I closed my eyes, expecting to be hit. For him to demand who it was I was seeing. I opened my eyes. He was just staring at me. 
What? Why wasn't he hitting me? Kicking me? Anything at all...
"Okay," his voice was choked. He was swallowing down the anger building inside of him. How he did it, I had no idea. 
"Really?" I asked him. "Are you serious?"
"As long as you make it home by at least nine."
He gave me a curfew. God, what kind of relationship was this? I left soon after, only one person in mind.
* * *
"I'm happy you came," Seth said. His dimples showed as he smiled wide at me. 
"Me too," I said, paranoid that somehow Dean could see me with another guy. Like he hadn't trusted me enough to go out alone, and he was watching me.
I wrapped my arms around myself as Seth and I walked down a street that was crowded with people. A chill made goosebumps cover my arms and legs. I knew I should've worn more than a sundress but I couldn't help but want to impress Seth.
Even if I wasn't that much to look at, I wanted to look like I had tried.
When our fingers brushed and Seth hooked his pinky onto mine, a voice in my head said, You have a boyfriend.
An abusive one, I retorted. 
I shivered again only slightly, hoping Seth hadn't noticed.
"Cold?" he asked, tilting his head, his nose crinkling in the most adorable way ever. 
"No," I said even though I kind of was. 
He still wrapped an arm around me and pulled me closer, sharing his body heat.
At first I stiffened, until finally, I relaxed. I could still feel the chilling sensation of eyes watching me.
I could feel myself relaxing into him as the night went on and we ate dinner at a small, but nice resterant. 
When he leaned over and smiled at me, our faces close, I could see freckles on his nose.
His eyelashes were crazy long, too.  He was too sweet. Gentle. Playful. Everything Dean wasn't. Tried to be, but just...couldn't be.
All I could see when I looked at Dean was his fists, and his angry, angry eyes.
When Seth held my hand under the table, I thought, This isn't your life, Haden. I knew it wasn't. But I could't help but wish it was. When the waiter came with the check, I reached into my purse to pay half, but Seth stopped me.
"Hey, I'm the guy. I'll pay," he rolled his eyes like I was being silly.
"But that's for dates," I said, in a mock scolding tone.
A sly grin stretched across his face. "I was under the impression that this was a date." I could feel myself blushing.
"I have a boyfriend," I said.
"As you keep telling me," he said and I could've sworn I heard envy in his tone.
I excused myself to the bathroom, humming to myself almost happily as I made my way to the ladies room and that's when I felt a vice like grip on my arm, pulling me roughly out of the resterant's back door, panic filling me quickly. 
I closed my eyes tight when I heard his menacing, dark voice in my ear.
"You've been a very bad girl." His voice was full of promise. Promise to hurt me.
He'd found me. And now I was going to pay for it.
I could only feel the brutal kicks to my ribs, and punches to my face, and I prayed to black out soon.
But I never did. Blow after blow, I felt it all.

woah wicked long! hope you guys don't mind (: comment for a reminder!


                                                                                    (chapter five)
Dean was better. For the next two weeks, I felt safe.
But also nervous, waiting for him to snap again. Waiting to see his eyes darken and raise his fist at me. 
Dean smiled at me while we laid on the couch in his living room.
He leaned up to kiss me and I flinched backwards, swallowing hard. He stared at me with slightly widened eyes.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing,"  I said too quickly. 
"Do you not want to kiss me?" he asked quietly, his eyes cast downwards.
"It's not like that," I said in a small voice. He just nodded and I couldn't contain the surprise on my face at the fact that he hadn't gotten angry. Maybe he really had changed. My heart already felt lighter.
He walked towards his kitchen and I could hear him ruffling through the fridge.
"Babe!" I heard him call out from the kitchen. "Joe's having a party tonight. You're coming right?"
I bit my lip, thinking of the first time we went to a party. Also the first time he had hit me.
"Yeah," I answered. "Sure."
* * *
"You're going to put a jacket on, right?" Dean asked, eyeing the blue dress I had on that was tight, but not too tight. 
"It's hot out, though," I said.
His jaw clenched. 
"Yeah," he said and it sounded like he had to choke it out. I held his hand tight in my own. 
He had just swallowed his anger. I smiled. A really, real big smile.
He noticed. I felt him smiling as he kissed the side of my head.
When we got to the party, I could feel the grass vibrating under my feet from how loud the music was playing. I felt Dean's arm cover my waist possesively, and I said nothing. Girls and guys smiled at us, but mostly at Dean.
I was only known as Dean's girlfriend.
"Stay close, okay?" he whispered against my jaw line. I nodded, looking around us.
He trailed through the party, grinning and drinking beer. I wanted to stay sober, so I settled on soda. 
While he played beer pong in the backyard with his friends, I sat on a stool, twirling my cup around. 
"Hey," a voice said. I looked up to see Seth, his dimples and all.
"Hi," I said shyly.
"You look..." he trailed off. I felt myself blushing. I crossed my arms over my chest.
"I look what?" I asked cheekily, smiling and looking at him from under my lashes. 
Surprise jolted through me. Was I flirting with him?
When he grinned and leaned a little closer, I had my answer.
He tilted his head. "Miss Haden, I thought you had a boyfriend," he said in a teasing tone that made me laugh but also look around for where my boyfriend was. I saw him in the corner of my eye, whooping and grinning after he won a round of beer pong.
I breathed a sigh of relief. I was safe.
I turned back to Seth, simply smiling at him.
I examined him as he was looking at me. He really was handsome. With wavy brown hair that was cut short, and brown eyes that were warm and nothing like Dean's, just looking at him made me feel a little flushed.
"So," I said, swinging my legs.
"Want to go for a walk?" he asked me, raising his eyebrows.
I nodded. 
What the hell was I doing!
I still followed him out as we walked on the sidewalk. I took off my heels, and like the sweetheart he was, he held them for me. I bit my lip while he wasn't looking, thinking about how much sweeter he was than Dean.
I closed my eyes. I shouldn't be doing this.
Flirting. Walking with someone while I'm taken.
Because we were doing more than walking. Every few seconds our hands would brush and Seth would play with my fingers. Then he would send a smirk my way that was anything but conceited. It was gentle. Playful.
So when he asked, "When can I see you, Miss Haden?"
I said, "Soon," and gave him my number.
And I smiled that whole night, even while I drove a passed out Dean home. 
Half asleep, my phone vibrated under my cheek and I jolted awake, barely noticing Dean sleeping beside me, snoring loudly.
On the screen of my phone it said: Text from Seth.
I read it and grinned, my heart filling up with something. Something like happiness.
You looked beautiful tonight.

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